


The Girl for Me

by Failte200



Category: Original Work
Genre: M/M, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-06 15:39:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 73,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3139679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Failte200/pseuds/Failte200
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Straight jockboy Kevin thinks he has gay, cross-dressing Danny under his thumb. Kevin only likes girls. So... why does he keep thinking about her? Or him. Whatever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meeting Her

This really wasn't Kevin's kind of party. Too many goths, too many emo-boys, too many drugs. He'd only come because his current girlfriend Angela had talked him into it, and as soon as they'd arrived, she'd headed for the liquor table and the pool, in that order. The last he'd seen of her, she was flashing her cleavage at the old man who owned the house - one of her uncles, she'd said. Girls. Oh, Kevin loved girls, for sure, but sometimes they really were just too Barbie-doll to take. Let alone take seriously. Of course, he dated only cheer-leaders. For football players, it was like a rule.

 

And he knew he wouldn't have much fun anyway, since he couldn't drink, or get stoned, or even stay up late. As a starting Senior fullback on the football team, with practice early _every_ morning, there was just no way. The new coach was a strict bastard, intent on making a name for himself at the most expensive private school in New Hampshire. Kevin had seen that on the man's first day. He could tell things like that about people. So one slip and he'd be cut from the team. Well, that just wasn't gonna happen. Kevin's only hope was football – he didn't have the grades for college and he knew it. He only barely had the grades to stay in the football program – a fact that worried him greatly. So he was winding his way out, to hell with this.

 

It was in the living-room – the front door finally in sight – that he saw her. Now _there_ was a girl who wasn't a Barbie... she wasn't stunning, she wasn't a babe, she wasn't even in fashion. But he couldn't tear his eyes off of her. Which was odd, because she didn't have much boob, she didn't have much butt, she didn't have much of anything really, this brunette girl in the mini-skirt. She did have nice legs, though. Her face... was pretty enough – he couldn't really make out her eyes at that distance, but they were nicely sized for her somewhat angular tom-boy features. It was her smile that got to him as she flirted with some emo-kid in the corner by the couch. And the way she carried herself. Girly, yeah, but... tough, somehow. Like she didn't give a shit what you thought. Like she wasn't putting on a show. Like she was really herself. Kevin stared. You don't see many people like that in St. Augustine's Academy...

 

Also, she seemed familiar, somehow...

 

Someone called out to her - “Dani!” - and as she turned to see who was calling her name her eyes met his. Normally Kevin would have looked away – he'd certainly had time. But he just couldn't. She was that striking to him. Even the way she turned her head, moved her eyes, held her drink... _everything_ about this chick was fascinating. Her eyes met his eyes for just a split second before she continued looking for whoever wanted her. There seemed to be a flicker or fear or something in that look. That was strange, Kevin didn't even know this girl so why – and then Kevin realized who she was.

 

_Oh my god! That's HIM! That's him in drag! The kid's a faggot!_

 

The second-string quarter-back on the team. A junior. “Daniel” - Dani - was a new kid from somewhere down in Texas. No one really knew him very well, and he didn't seem to be in a big hurry to fit in, either. _Yeah, well, no wonder_. Maybe the public schools had lots of fags, but not St. Augustine's... no way. Kiss of death, that was. Daniel was usually late to practice because of his AP class, Kevin remembered, so the coach reluctantly put up with it. AP class. Advanced Placement. Kevin didn't know what kind of AP class it was, but it didn't really matter. Kevin shared the distrust most slackers held for National Honor Society nerds. _So little Danny is a fag, eh?_

 

Oh, this was too good to pass up... This could be fun. He strode up to her and her boyfriend, he supposed, in the corner, without really knowing what he had in mind. She really did look good in drag. Amazing. That would make it even better.

 

“Hey, Dani” he said casually, but with an evil look in his eye.

 

Her face flushed, but but she remained remarkably calm.

 

“Kevin!” she said, as if he were an old friend, “Justin, this is Kevin, Kevin, Justin. Uh, could you excuse us a minute?” she said to Justin, “I need to talk to Kevin. School stuff. 'Kay?” Kevin was actually impressed she could handle herself – himself – so smoothly, and then a little shocked when she – he – took his hand and led him outside.

 

“Okay, fine. So you caught me” Daniel said, dropping his voice back down to normal. It wasn't much of a drop, but it was noticeable. “What's it gonna be, Kev. A scene, or blackmail? Let's get it over with.”

 

“Actually, I hadn't really made up my mind on that yet, 'Dani'. But I gotta say, you do look pretty good in a mini-skirt. Not bad at all” he chuckled meanly. “That your boyfriend in there? Justin, was it?”

 

“No, he's not – Look, it's none of your business anyway. What are you even _doing_ here? This isn't exactly a jock party. And these are all public-school kids. I thought all you Saints were supposed to turn up your noses at those.”

 

“We do. I got roped into it. Girlfriend thing. I guess you wouldn't know how that is, though...”

 

“Very funny. All right, so what do you want? And I swear to god, if you say 'blow job', we're gonna go 'round right here. And you may win, but then you can explain to everyone why you were fighting with your boyfriend. How's that sound?”

 

“Jesus, Dani – calm down. I'm not _that_ bad, for fuck's sake.” Kevin was a little taken aback by Dani's matter-of-factness about it. She had a point about the “boyfriend” thing, though. If he were to make a scene out of the fact that she was a boy, she could just as easily make it out to look like they were “involved”. She was a clever girl, all right. So that was out. However... there _was_ still some traction he could get out of this...

 

“As a matter of fact,” he said, “how about this: I'll keep your secret if you help me with my homework. I hear you're a brain. There. That wasn't so bad, was it?”

 

Dani narrowed her eyes thinking about it. That wasn't a typical jock request... she had expected – besides 'blow job' – the blackmail to be money, or more likely, drugs. But then, she wasn't used to the private-school situation yet. These kids didn't need money, and they could buy their own drugs. Dani wasn't used to thinking that way. She came from New Money - her father had made a killing on something called “tech futures”, and immediately moved to New Hampshire, as soon as Dani's school was over. She barely had time to say goodbye to her boyfriend there. Not that it was a big loss. He was getting a little... clingy... anyway.

 

“What homework, and for how long...” she asked suspiciously.

 

“All of it. The rest of the year” Kevin said.

 

“One subject, the rest of the year” Dani countered.

 

“Three subjects, the rest of the year.”

 

“Two subjects, two months.”

 

“Two subjects, the rest of the year” Kevin said, “and that's my final offer.”

 

“What two subjects?”

 

“English and Analytical Geometry.”

 

“And you tell no one. No one at all, not your family, not your buddies – no one.”

 

“Scout's honor.”

 

“You were a scout?”.

 

“Uhm... no. Cross my heart then? Like the bra?”

 

“Real comedian, aren't you, Kevin....” she said as she considered her options, “Okay. It's a deal. But I mean it: no smart remarks, double-entendres or innuendo – nothing. If I start hearing rumors – or even rumors of rumors - the deal's off. Got it?”

 

“You're the...” Kevin started, then wondered why the hell he was about to say “boss”, and asked instead, “What's 'innuendo' and 'double-whatchamacallits'?”

 

Dani sighed. “It means no sly little remarks about me or stupid jokes that can be taken two ways. This meeting never happened. Okay?”

 

“All right, 'Dani'. Clever name, by the way.”

 

“Yeah, I'm a brain, like you said. My first time in drag and I run into you. I'm god-damn brilliant...”

 

“Really? Your first time?” Kevin said, wondering in the back of his mind what that meant about the boy, “Well, you really did a good job. Seriously. Could use a little more boob, though.”

 

“I'm outta here. Thanks for ruining my good times, Kev. Hope you're proud of yourself. I can't fucking _believe_ I had to run into you... God!” Dani turned away and took two steps before she stopped, fists to her sides, “DAMMIT! My car's blocked in! Of all the DAMN times...”

 

Seeing her like that - her back to him, tensed up, making fists of frustration - Kevin actually thought to himself _She's so CUTE!_ Before he brought himself back under control by remembering that “she” was a “he”. But, well, looks count, and he _looked_ like a damsel in distress. He really did.

 

“I was just leaving too. Need a ride?”

 

She slowly turned around. Was this guy pulling something else now?

 

“What about my car?”

 

“I'll bring you back tomorrow.”

 

“You don't know where I live...”

 

“I will after I drop you off.”

 

_All right, so jock-boy isn't a total moron... Still a jock though._ “You don't strike me as the kind of guy who does favors for fags.”

 

“You're my first one.”

 

“Yeah? Your first one? Well, you really did a good job. Seriously.” Dani said, mocking him.

 

“Look, Dani. I really do need help with my grades, okay? If I get kicked out of football I'm dead. It's two fuckin' weeks into the school-year and I'm already getting close. So if you'll do what we said, then maybe we can just drop all the jock and fag stuff, all right?”

 

She stared at him, trying to make up her mind.

 

And Kevin had an inspiration: “And... I'm sorry I ruined your evening, okay?”

 

“You're not gay or bi or anything, are you? Looking to try out for the other team? Because I'm SO not up for that.”

 

“I like girls” he said firmly.

 

“Lucky them” Dani's voice dripped with sarcasm, “So, first you black-mail me, now you're going to do me a favor, is that it?”

 

“Uhm... yeah. I guess that's it.”

 

Dani wasn't really looking forward to this, but she was kind of stuck for any better ideas. Besides, if this Kevin guy tried anything, Dani could hold her own. Like she'd said before, he might eventually win, but there would be some permanent marks to explain later.

 

“Oh... fine. I just want to go the hell home. You try anything and you _will_ be sorry, Kevin...”

 

Kevin sighed. It was kind of a bummer having this girl – or... whatever – thinking he was that way. Then again, he _was_ blackmailing her, so she had good reason to be suspicious, he supposed. That kind of sucked too.

 

Wait a minute, what the hell was he thinking? This was a _boy_ he was talking about here. A fag boy! It was the dress that was confusing him. Or the makeup. Or something. Whatever, this was a guy who liked to do – or be done by – other guys! That was just disgusting, man. Weird and disgusting. Not that they should all be shot on sight or anything, long as they don't bother _him_ , y'know.

 

Really, this was a weird situation. And being tutored by her – or rather, this guy - was going to be... even weirder. But he could put up with it for one year. Long as it kept him on the team. Kevin only had one back-up plan if he couldn't get a football scholarship, and that was his rich (seriously rich) uncle Keith. And Keith didn't really like Kevin much. Considered him a shallow slacker. _And_ , Kevin thought, _he's probably right._

 

* * *

 

In the darkness and silence of Kevin's Mustang, Dani looked over at her tormentor. The asshole that had ruined her day – and would ruin many more, no doubt. Well, what's done was done. It would've been nice to stay in the closet long enough to finish high school in this new town, but obviously that wasn't going to happen now. She knew that Kevin wouldn't be able to keep it in forever. She gave him a week, at best. Hell, the tutoring thing probably wasn't even worth starting on, but she'd give him a little benefit of the doubt, because that's what she always did. That was just the way she was. More often than not, she got burned by it. She expected to be burned again.

 

“Turn right on State, keep going to thirty-first, turn left” she said dejectedly. Tonight had started off so well, to. Nervously at first – her first time in drag in public and all - then so good as people actually seemed to accept her as a girl, and now... now Kevin was a part of it. Asshole.

 

“Got it, left on 31st” Kevin said. He, on the other hand, was feeling pretty good. If he could bring his grades up, everything might be all right after all. Now that he had a way to do that – with the gay boy brainiac under his thumb, the weight of the world seemed to be lifted from his shoulders. And after high school, once he was picked up by a college team, he was sure to be drafted into the Pros – he just knew it. Things were going to work out. Something just felt right, or something. He just had to keep Dani on a string, is all. No sweat.

 

As he reached for the shifter, he spared a glance at Dani's legs as she sat on the passenger side. Man. She really was hot in that skirt. He was, rather. He _looked_ hot, is what Kevin meant. Because of the skirt. Obviously, _he_ couldn't _be_ hot... Dani was a guy, for fuck's sake! Man, this was almost funny. Imagine stealing glances at another guy... Heh.

 

“So Dani, how long ya been gay?” he asked almost jovially, without looking at her.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“I'm just wondering when you decided you were gay, is all. I won't tell anyone. Just curious.”

 

“Okay, first of all, one doesn't _decide_ that they're gay. One _discovers_ it. And second-”

 

“Oh, don't get all PC. Look, it's your choice. Ain't my thing, but you wanna be gay, that's up to you. Really. Just don't be hittin' on me, is all.”

 

“God... You really are a complete idiot, aren't you...”

 

“Well, I know it takes a man and a woman to make a baby. And I know that's what sex is for. So ya gotta admit, it _has_ to be 'unnatural' for two guys – or two girls for that matter – to screw each other. I mean, that's kind of the meaning of 'unnatural', isn't it? 'Not like nature'?”

 

“Kevin – shut up.”

 

But Kevin would not. Instead, he launched into a monologue of Everything I Know About Homosexuality – almost all of it learned via prime-time television and action-movies. Dani stared out the tinted side-window and groaned inwardly. Kevin was pathetic. This situation was pathetic. In fact, the whole evening had been pathetic, really...

 

She really _had_ been having a good time, before Kevin showed up. An amazingly good time – and not 'good' as in 'wild' or 'crazy' or 'sex-filled'... just good as in... well, comfortable. Comfortable with herself, with herself around other people, around boys... in every way. Comfortable enough to forget, for that precious couple of hours, that she even _was_ a boy.

 

Dani would rather have been a girl. And now she had just had her first taste of what that would actually be like, and she wanted more of it. Wanted it a lot.

 

Just to be able to talk to boys, flirt with boys, have boys flirt back... in public. Enjoying it, not nervous and awkward and tense, like it was when she was a boy trying to figure out if some guy would be interested in him or not. And almost always, after a great deal of trouble, figuring out that the answer was “not”. As a girl, they _all_ seemed interested in her! It was like... well, it was a new thing for Dani, that's for sure. Even asshole over there driving the car was interested in her – she'd caught him glancing at her thighs, oh yeah. Okay, so that wasn't such a good thing, but still... he was a boy, and he was interested. Dani liked boys. She wished more boys liked her. And as a girl, they did!

 

“... but even so, for a guy to wear a dress is just _weird_ , ya gotta admit. Freaky. I mean, why can't you just be yourself, y'know? You're a guy, right? What's wrong with...” Kevin was still droning on, fascinated by his own insight.

 

He wasn't saying anything she hadn't heard before, in her own head, from herself. Weird. Freak. Unnatural. Asshole was right, though, and she hated him for it. Homo's couldn't make babies. And that was what sex was for. So it _was_ sort of “unnatural”. So she _was_ sort of “weird”. On the other hand, she'd accepted all that a long time ago. Why didn't people understand that it wasn't a choice? And even if it was, somehow... should her life be ruled by the same standards that apply to, say, bacteria? That sex is just for reproduction, period, end of story? No, she'd thought about that enough. Dani was who she was, and by GOD she liked herself that way, even if a lot of people didn't. Their problem. Not hers.

 

The word “freak” was hitting her hard, though. Dani  _was_ a boy in a dress – well, mini-skirt, anyway. Same diff. Girl's clothes. Girl's underwear too, for that matter. Like some pervert. But Dani wasn't dressed that way because she got off on wearing women's clothes... 

 

Did she? That was the problem – she really didn't know. She  _did_ like feeling like a girl, and the only way she could accomplish that was to  _look_ like a girl. Was that shallow? Again – she didn't know. And  _why_ did she like that feeling anyway? And what did it mean to “feel like a girl”? Why should a boy want to be a girl, at all, ever, anyway? She didn't know any of the answers. All she knew, for sure, was that it had been better than she'd ever imagined, until Kevin had spotted her.

 

Now, that was all over. Once Kevin spouted off to his buddies, it was going to be a living hell. She'd been caught in drag. Everyone was going to know it – including her parents, eventually. What was she going to say? Dani had no answers for _herself_ , let alone her parents! It would at least have been a little easier, maybe, if she _knew_ why she liked the things she did. If she could just answer _one_ of those questions.

 

Tears began to well up as she imagined the things that were going to happen. It was all so unfair! Why did all this have to happen to _her_!? Coming to a new school was hard enough, trying to make new friends, trying to keep her secret from everybody...

 

Everybody but his older sister. Stacy knew. And although she teased Dani about it a little, at least she let him use her closet for his girl-clothes, so that their parents wouldn't find out. She'd even given make-up lessons and passing tips and taught Dani how to walk in heels. The one person who knew. Well, one of two now. But at least his sister was cool with it. Kevin was... well, Kevin was just a typical idiot, is what Kevin was.

 

Yeah, she supposed she _was_ a freak. Just like that man she'd seen in a dress at the mall that time – obviously a man, too, middle-aged gut and huge ugly feet and all. Even Dani had seen that man as a “freak”. And now here she was, in a mini-skirt and a stuffed bra and high-heels...

 

Her breath hitched as she continued staring out the window, turned away from Kevin.

 

_Oh, god... don't cry. Don't let me start crying. Not in front of this guy... oh god..._

 

Which only made her feel even more freakish than ever. Which only made it hurt more. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to concentrate on keeping her breath regular. Kevin hadn't noticed yet. If he were to notice, he'd probably...

 

A quiet sob escaped Dani's throat, while her concentration lapsed. Kevin heard it.

 

He forgot what he was saying.

 

“Hey... Hey Dani... are you... Oh Jesus Dani, don't cry...” Kevin was caught off-guard. Dani's face was turned away, but he knew what he'd heard, and he could see her shoulders hitching as she held back her sobs. What the fuck? It couldn't have been anything he'd said... he was just stating obvious facts, right? Things they should have both been able to agree on. Like that Dani was a freak...

 

_Christ... me and my big mouth. Way to go, asshole. Now you made her cry. I mean, made him cry._

 

“Uh...” he started speaking before he knew what he was going to say, “C'mon Dani... I didn't... I mean – look – Uhm, I'm a moron, okay? I know that. I'm sorry about... rambling on like that. I obviously don't know squat about you, or... being gay... or anything, y'know? C'mon...” He put a hand on her shoulder.

 

“ _DON'T TOUCH ME!”_ she screamed into her window, pulling her shoulder away, bringing her hands up to her face.

 

“Fuck” Kevin said, turning his attention back to driving. The light he'd been sitting at was already green. Probably been that way for awhile. Good thing there was no traffic this time of night. As he started to drive through the intersection, it occurred to him that he'd just put his hand onto the shoulder of a crying _boy_. Well, fuck, he'd think about that later. After he'd stopped her from crying like that. He was _such_ an asshole – and now she knew it, too. Fuck...

 

“I said I was sorry, Dani. Look, I swear to GOD I'll never tell anyone, okay? It'll be all right. It may be hard to believe, but you can actually trust me, because I suck at lying – seriously. I'm really, really bad at it. Everyone can always tell when I lie. So I just don't do it anymore.”

 

“You're an idiot, Kevin! And a fucking ASSHOLE, too!” Dani said behind her hands.

 

Kevin sighed deeply. Well, at least she wasn't crying as much, now. “Yeah, well... that's what I need your help with...”

 

Dani blinked. What? She looked over at Kevin as he drove.

 

“Uh...” Kevin said, as he considered what he'd just said, “I mean... That didn't come out right...”

 

Dani started to smile, and then smirk, and then smile again, and then – giggle.

 

“Is this where I'm supposed to turn?” Kevin said, trying to change the subject. Dani didn't answer. Instead, she brought her hand up to cover her mouth as her giggling began to turn into an almost-laugh.

 

“It wasn't that funny...” Kevin said.

 

He pretended to find something fascinating in his outside rear-view mirror. That way she she wouldn't see him smiling, too. He couldn't help it. She just affected him that way.

 

* * *


	2. Getting to Know Her

The next morning, at 6:30 am, Kevin drove up to Daniel's house to find him waiting on the steps. Seeing his car, Daniel got up to meet him at the curb before Kevin did something stupid, like honk his horn.

 

Kevin watched him intently. It was strange seeing Dani in boy's clothes. She looked... _he_ looked weird, somehow. Not that Kevin knew what he expected. Of _course_ he would be wearing boy's clothes, for cryin' out loud. He was a boy! Before he could wonder about it more, Daniel got into his car.

 

“Morning Dani” Kevin said, trying to sound friendly.

 

“Daniel” the younger boy said curtly.

 

“Daniel? Oh, I get it. Back to boy-names now, huh? How about if I say 'Danny' with a 'y' on the end?”

 

“Suit yourself, Kev. Just get me to my car, all right? I'm not in the mood today, so I'd appreciate it if you'd just shut up.”

 

Kevin showed no outward signs, but that remark hurt. A little. He'd been looking forward to picking up “Dani” all morning, rushing through his Cap'n Krunch – not taking the time to slice the usual banana onto it. He'd even de-trashed his car, since he found himself with a little time to kill. After all, he didn't want to show up early... how would _that_ look?

 

And now, for some reason, Dani – Danny – was shooting him down. Fuck, man... He was only trying to be friendly. Make the best out of the situation. What a... bitch.

 

They drove the few miles to Danny's car in silence.

 

And Danny, in turn, followed him to the school's stadium for football practice.

 

Which was another weird thing, because now she – HE, dammit! - was wearing football gear, and it was just... it just didn't look right to Kevin, somehow. What the hell was it? He'd seen Danny in his gear before... Well, obviously whatever was feeling weird was because of having seen the boy in drag. Kevin couldn't get that image out of his head, and everything Danny wore seemed just wrong. He chuckled to himself as he watched the other boy, two rows up in front of him as they went through their warm-up calisthenics. That butt really did belong in a dress. Man, Danny was just _so_ gay, one look and you could tell.

 

Or at least, Kevin could. Or at least, Kevin could _now_. He'd just never noticed before, is all.

 

Weird.

 

After practice, and showering, he found Danny waiting for him at his car. By the way he was standing, it was obvious that he wanted to talk about something. Kevin was good at decoding body-language. He figured Danny probably wanted out of their bargain. Well, no way, man. That was Kevin's lifeline. Everything depended being able to bring up his grades. He felt a little sorry for taking advantage of the guy like that – but Kevin had his priorities. And gay-boy's feelings were low on that list.

 

With all this in mind, Kevin greeted him with a defensive “What...”

 

Danny looked around first and then said, “Kevin? Are you _trying_ to blow this deal? What the hell dude? Look, I don't know what you're trying to prove, but you're already pissing me off, okay? So just cut it out or the deal's off. That's all I have to say.” He turned away and began walking to his car, three spaces over.

 

Bewildered, Kevin jogged up next to him, so he wouldn't have to shout, “What are you talking about? Cut what out?”

 

“Wha... oh, Christ. The _staring_ , man! You've been staring at me all damn morning! Now, I don't know why – and I don't wanna know – but I want it to stop before people start wondering. Understand?”

 

“I wasn't... staring...”

 

Danny stopped to look into Kevin's face, “God. You weren't kidding, were you... You couldn't lie your way out of a wet paper bag...”

 

“Yeah, well... Okay, maybe I was. It's just so weird seeing you in... y'know, tights and pads and a jersey, is all. It just looks weird on you.”

 

“Whatever. Just stop staring, okay? And don't think no one notices. _I_ noticed. Everyone's gonna think you're queer for me if you keep it up. You wouldn't want that, would ya?”

 

“Fuck off. Everyone knows I'm straight.”

 

“Yeah, I know. 'I only like girls'. And I'd be happy to 'fuck off'. Nothing would give me greater pleasure. Shall I do that then?”

 

Unsure what he meant, but getting the tone of it anyway, Kevin said, “The deal still stands. Six o'clock good for you?”

 

Danny sighed, “Fine. Six o'clock. I'll be at your-”

 

“Uhm, let's make it your house instead.”

 

Danny's eyes narrowed suspiciously, “Why my house?”

 

“Just... uh... it's... because I don't want my dad seeing you is all.”

 

“And why's that? What makes it okay for _my_ mom to see you, but not your dad to see me?”

 

“'Cuz you're... I mean, you're obviously... uh...”

 

“I've said it before: you're an idiot.”

 

Kevin couldn't think of any reply for that, witty or otherwise. As a result, Danny had the upper-hand, but took pity on the poor straight boy nonetheless.

 

“Okay, fine. _My_ house at six. Bring your books.”

 

“Right. Six. See ya there,” Kevin said, glad the awkward exchange was over with.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Wow. I've never been in... uh...”

 

“A fag's bedroom before.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Well don't touch anything. It's contagious.”

 

“It is not.”

 

“Get yourself set up on the desk. I'm gonna go get another chair. Let's just get this over with, okay?”

 

“Suits me...”

 

“Fine.”

 

“Fine.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Three days later -

 

“What's 'quadratic' mean, anyway?”

 

“Kevin... how on earth did you get through Algebra 2?”

 

“Barely. Just answer the question. You don't _have_ to go out of your way to make me feel stupid.”

 

“Yeah... sorry. That was kinda mean.”

 

“S'okay. Just how it sounded, is all.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

A week after that -

 

“Look, I'll give you a hint. Phony-ness.”

 

“I still don't get it.”

 

“Kevin! For God's sake, damn near every fourth word out of Holden's mouth is 'phony'! Did you read the book or not?”

 

“I read it. Yeah, he calls everything and everyone phony. So? He's the biggest phony of them all...”

 

“He... he is?”

 

“Duh. He goes and does almost every damn thing he bitches about. Never notices. Sometimes he whines about how whiny people are! Gimme a break, man! The guy's the biggest phony ever! I _hate_ people like that!”

 

“You do? Uh, I mean... Yeah, okay. Well, how about this: write down – as an essay, please – why you hate Holden Caufield.”

 

“What's an 'essay' supposed to look like?”

 

“You... you... huh. Okay, just write it down, we'll turn it into an essay later.”

 

“If I do that, I'll have to write it twice.”

 

“KEVin...”

 

“Okay, okay...”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“It's not fair you get to play Doom while I'm doing homework.”

 

“Cry me a river.”

 

“And who the fuck plays 'Doom' anymore anyway? Jesus, Danny... get with the century, will ya?”

 

“I like to run around and blow things up, okay? It's mindless. Like you.”

 

“You like to run around and blow things, you mean.”

 

“Ach! A touche, I must confess. I feare I breathe my last...”

 

“You're weird.”

 

“You're dumb.”

 

“Yeah, but when I wake up in the morning you'll still... uh... nevermind.”

 

“Heh. Do your homework, Kev...”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Another week later -

 

“Yeah, you shoulda just told her what she wanted to hear, Danny. At least you could have kept the 'B'.”

 

“It's the principle of the thing! If she doesn't see that-”

 

“Danny – she's over her head as Vice Principle, and she knows it. She's scared everyone else will find out, okay? So she covers herself by following the rules to the letter – so at least no one can blame her. There's nothing you can do with people like that. If you bring up something the rule-book doesn't cover, they don't know what to do and they get mad. You fucked up, Danny. Be glad it only got lowered to a C, and that it's just the one test. You can make it up. You had a better shot with the teacher. Mr. Gazaway is actually pretty cool, but ya gotta come at him like it's just a mis-understanding, not 'I'm right and you're SO wrong' like ya did.”

 

“How do you know so much about everyone?”

 

“I can just tell.”

 

“You can?”

 

“Yeah. You mean you can't?”

 

“Well... no. Not like that I can't.”

 

“Huh. And here I thought you were all smart.”

 

“So... what's your 'radar' say about me, anyway...”

 

“Uh... about you?”

 

“Yeah. C'mon... What does it say about me?”

 

“Uhm... that you're a fag.”

 

“Besides that, asshole.”

 

“Uh... well... that you're actually pretty cool. For a fag.”

 

“How cool?”

 

“Danny... 'pretty cool', okay? Jesus...”

 

“You like me.”

 

“Fuck off.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Later that week, big news came in Kevin's father's e-mail. Aunt Birdie had died. There was to be a funeral on Sunday. Kevin barely knew his Aunt Birdie, so that wasn't really a big deal. The big deal was that the reception would be held at Uncle Keith's estate outside of Birmington.

 

Kevin only saw Uncle Keith maybe twice a year – a summer visit, maybe a holiday. He didn't get many chances to get to know his filthy rich uncle, and previously, when he _had_ met him, it had been a train-wreck. Not the impression you want to make on the wealthiest member of your extended family. Kevin was going to need to be on his very best behavior for this – but then, he always tried to be anyway. The problem was who he brought with him. His best friend the stoner – that had obviously been a mistake. _Yo, Keith! Any place around here we can go to light up? Yer cool, right?_ Gawd. But that had been a long time ago, in Jr. High.

 

After that disaster, it had been girlfriends, which didn't work a whole lot better. Something about the allure of all that money just turned girls weird. Last visit, he'd brought the classiest girl in his book – alienating several others in the process – and she'd spent the entire evening crossing and re-crossing her legs while facing his uncle's chair. In a skirt hiked up damn near to her ass.

 

And none of the girls in his current black book were any better. Hell.

 

But... Kevin _did_ know one girl who would surely impress rich Uncle Keith. Smart, witty, classy, polite. Not to mention amazing-looking in a way that was _not_ the usual “teenage cutie”. If only he could convince her to come...

 

 

* * *

 

 

“No. Fucking. Way.”

 

“Aw c'mon, Danny. It'll be fun...”

 

“It's a _funeral_ you moron! You think there'll be dancing?”

 

“Uhm... look, I need to impress this guy, okay? I need to show him that I can get a girlfriend who's not... who's not...”

 

“A slut?”

 

“Whatever.”

 

“Trailer-trash? A tramp? A floosie? Of loose moral-”

 

“DANNY... Okay! I'm asking for your help here...”

 

“Dude. 'Help' was not part of our deal...”

 

“Please?”

 

“No.”

 

Kevin sighed. He had been afraid it might come to this – he had one ace up his sleeve. Time to play it. “If you'll do this – it's just one day! - I'll let you off the hook on the tutoring. You can have your evenings back. I'll never bother you again. Seriously, Danny... I _need_ you for this!”

 

“What about your grades?”

 

“Maybe I'll get by. If I can get in good with Uncle Keith... it won't matter. Please! You _have_ to help me make a good impression on this guy! He thinks I'm an idiot...”

 

“Y'know Kev... what you're asking me to do is kind of... under-handed. Disgusting, in a way. You want me to help you lie to your filthy rich uncle about who you are...”

 

There wasn't much Kevin could say to that. It was true.

 

“I'd be out of your hair forever, Danny. Think about that. No more Kevin. Ever. And, you know I mean that, right?”

 

Danny's mood softened. Whatever else Kevin might be, he had turned out to be trustworthy. “Yeah. I know.” But he was dumb, too. About some things. Not everything... Kevin had an amazing insight into people, sometimes. A lot of times. Maybe all the time, for all Danny knew. And really, he wasn't so much “dumb” as just... lazy. _The Catcher in the Rye_ had been the first book Kevin had read, ever. Amazing. And he'd picked up on a theme that hadn't even occurred to Danny. And he'd thought it was _obvious_ , for god's sake!

 

Not to mention that it had been... almost fun, tutoring Kevin. Back and forth with the fag and jock jokes. Kevin was really all right, just kinda stupid. Always sticking both feet into his mouth when he spoke. And he wasn't exactly bad looking, either. Not really Danny's Dream Boy or anything – too hairy – but... Well, no use following _that_ line of thought – Kevin had made as clear as possible that he “only liked girls”. Hell. And, Danny thought, with his evenings back, maybe he could go out again... He'd just make damn sure that wherever he went was farther away, next time.

 

“I'll take that deal,” Danny said.

 

Under his breath, Kevin said, “Thank you. Thank God, too...”

 

“Not so fast cowboy. You gotta buy me a dress. Figure on about $250. Maybe more. Not really sure, I've never bought a formal dress before. Oh, and shoes. To match. Aaaaand... whatever else I can think of.”

 

“Oh all right, fine. But I'm drawing the line at jewelry.”

 

“Seriously? You have that kind of money? Your parents let you-”

 

“I have an American Express card. They won't care until it tops a thousand. And... it _won't_ top a thousand, right?”

 

“I'll try.”

 

“Good.”

 

“Great!” Danny said, trying not to sound _too_ excited. A whole new outfit? Who wouldn't be excited? “Study-time's over, Kev! We're off to the mall! Be right back!” He ran from the bedroom to his sister's room to pick out an outfit, and returned less than a minute later. He carefully laid out the clothes on the bed.

 

“Danny? What the fuck are you doing?”

 

“Getting ready to go shopping! And you're coming with me. You owe me one ruined evening, remember? Now's your chance to make it up,” Danny began to strip off his clothes right then and there.

 

“Hey! Jesus, Danny... give a guy some warning, will ya?” Kevin turned his chair around.

 

“Kev – you see me get naked every day. Twice a day. Don't be such a weenie.”

 

“He said as he pulled up his frilly lace panties.”

 

“Cotton briefs, actually. Hanes Her-Way. Little pink hearts. Wanna see?”

 

“No!”

 

Dani couldn't help but laugh at Kevin's discomfort. What a dork. This was fun already! She fastened her bra backwards around her stomach before slipping it around and up into place, and then stuffing the breast-forms into it. Then she stepped into the knee-length light blue cocktail dress. Then, just for fun, she went over to where Kevin was sitting in his chair looking the other way - turned her back to him, and said, “Could you zip me up?”

 

“What?”

 

“Zip me up.”

 

“Dani...”

 

“Oh, c'mon. It's hard. Please?”

 

“You really think I'm going to go to the mall with you in drag like that? To shop for... forget it, Dani.”

 

“Seems to me I remember _someone_ needing a favor from me. Seems like it was a big one. Now, what was it... I can't remember...”

 

“Oh... hold still.” Kevin zipped up her dress, unable to stop himself from admiring Dani's back as he did so. “Man, this is so weird...”

 

Dani turned around, “Kev... I know you aren't going to get into this, but can't you deal with it just this one time, for my sake? I haven't even had the chance to dress up at _home_ since I've been tutoring you. And I've missed it. You'll never have to do it again, okay?”

 

Kevin looked up into Dani's face. She'd missed it? How, and why, and what – exactly – had she... but the look in her eyes dispelled his question. Whatever the reason, she _had_ “missed it”, and it was sort of his fault. Gawd. On the other hand... “If you embarrass me...”

 

“I won't embarrass you, Kev. That's not what this is about. Well, okay, I was having a little fun with you for awhile... but I'll stop, okay? Can you just... pretend like you're my brother or something? And you're taking your sister to buy a funeral dress? We'll go to Quail Springs Mall – way over on the other side of town, so no one will see us. All right?”

 

“I'm driving.”

 

“Uhm... okay...” Dani said, perplexed, “That was a strange thing to say, Kev...”

 

“I feel strange. You ready to go?”

 

“Twenty minutes. I gotta put my face on.”

 

“No you don't. I don't know why you even use that stuff. You look great as it is. Let's go.”

 

“I... I do?”

 

Too late, Kevin realized what he'd just said. _Aww fuck..._ was his first reaction. She really did, though. Taking the scrunchie off her hair so that it fell down onto her shoulders made more difference than any amount of make-up ever could. Dani was again the girl he'd seen at the party, so many weeks ago. He still remembered that first view of her. In fact, he'd been remembering it every day. So much that he didn't even notice that he thought about it anymore. Until now. Oh... what the hell... Give the girly-boy a break.

 

“Yeah, you do. But if you just like putting it on anyway, go ahead. Except for the lip-liner. I hate lip-liner.”

 

“All the girls at school use lip-liner...”

 

“Yeah, well... did you _want_ to look like all the girls at school?”

 

Dani thought about it, “Good point.”

 

* * *

 

 

“So, uh, Kevin? Why'd you say that about wanting to drive?”

 

“It was all I could think of. Besides, I'm the guy. I should drive.”

 

Dani leaned back in the passenger seat. “So you are, Kev. So you are...”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“What about this one?” Dani asked, stepping out of the changing-booth.

 

“It's fine.”

 

“I don't like it.”

 

“Then why'd you ask me?”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“What about _this_ one?”

 

“It's great. Get it.”

 

“It's kinda low-cut...”

 

“So?”

 

“It's too low cut. No way.”

 

“Aw, man...”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“That looks great, Dani. Can we go now?”

 

“You like the lace frills?”

 

“Yeah. They're great. I love lace frills.”

 

“I hate 'em.”

 

“Jesus _Christ_ , Dani...”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Well?”

 

“Uh...”

 

“The slit doesn't show too much leg does it?”

 

“Uh...”

 

“It makes my hips look fuller too, I think.”

 

“Uh...”

 

“We're getting it.”

 

“'We'?”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Oh! And I'll need a purse, to go with it! Over there!”

 

“Geez Dani - calm down. I swear... they're just purses...”

 

“Oh, 'just purses', huh? And I suppose that box under your arm is 'just shoes'. Sheesh. Men.”

 

Kevin mumbled to himself, “Women...”

 

Dani heard him though, and smiled to herself.

 

 

* * *

 

 

They had one last stop to make, but Dani hadn't told Kevin what it was. She made it apparent by stopping in front of the store. Kevin automatically stopped too, but it took him awhile to realize what was going on – his eyes were on the mannequins in the window. Of Victoria's Secret. By the time he tore his eyes away to see what the hold up was, Dani was looking at him and smiling evilly. Kevin correctly guessed what it meant.

 

“I am _not_ going in there...”

 

“Didn't think you were, Kev. Here, hold my purse and wait for me, 'kay? I won't take long.”

 

Kevin took the purse and sighed. He already knew how long “not long” was. He turned around and took a bench facing the store. An older man with a neatly-trimmed white beard was on the other end of the bench. He was also holding a purse.

 

“Pretty girl ya got there. Beautiful.” the man said to Kevin.

 

“Uh... yeah.”

 

The man didn't seem to mind the terse answer, and went on, “I remember when mine was that pretty. And nice. It was a long time ago.”

 

“How long?” Kevin asked, just to seem interested when he really wasn't.

 

“Twenty-six years” the man sighed. Just then, a spindly, grey-haired woman with bright-red lipstick and nails appeared at the store's entrance. “Oops. Duty calls. Nice talking to you, young man.”

 

Before Kevin got a chance to say “You too”, the woman was starting in -

 

“Are you just going to sit there while I hold these bags? Didn't you see me coming through the door? Really, Harold, I wish you'd at least _act_ gentlemanly sometimes.” She started loading his arms down with even more bags than he was already carrying - but she never stopped talking, even as they both walked away. Kevin stared, dumbfounded. The man turned his head at Kevin and gave him a wan smile, as if to say _Hope you have better luck than I did._

 

Kevin watched them walk away down the hall. She never did stop talking. _Poor old guy..._ he thought, as the couple merged with the other mall traffic. Eventually he lost sight of them and stared at the floor wondering what their life must be like.

 

“Whatcha looking at, Kev?”

 

Dani was standing right in front of him. With the memory of the old man's wife fairly burned into his mind, he looked over, seeing Dani's feet. Her legs. Her hips. Her waist. Her chest. Her neck. And finally, her face.

 

No wonder the old man had envied him. Dani was fucking beautiful. God. He'd never really noticed how much, before. Now, with something to contrast it with, he saw it. Dani wasn't a “babe”, but god DAMN she was pretty. In some other way. In the... in the...

 

In the Dani way.

 

Unable to decipher – and a little worried by – the look on Kevin's face, Dani said, “Uh... you gotta go pay now. I picked out what I needed. About a hundred bucks.”

 

“Oh. Yeah. Sure,” he said, getting up.

 

“Can I have my purse back?”

 

“Huh?” He'd forgotten he was holding it. “Oh. Yeah. Here.”

 

“You okay, Kev?”

 

“Yeah. I, uh... I gotta go pay for the stuff” he said, still dazed. Dani's eyes were green. Amazingly green. How could he not have noticed that before?

* * *

 

 


	3. Uncle Keith

Eventually, somewhere in the labyrinthine parking-lot, Kevin regained his senses. The reason why was simple: he was _hungry_. Neither of them had eaten since lunch, and it was now approaching 11 o'clock at night.

 

“Let's eat somewhere” he said casually.

 

Which rather surprised Dani. She'd assumed that Kevin would just want to go the hell home and get this experience over with - he certainly wouldn't want to take her out to eat. Because that would be like... a date. Wouldn't it? But she _was_ hungry too...

 

“Uhm... okay. Some Wendy's would be good about now.”

 

“Saints don't eat at Wendy's. You have a lot to learn about being rich, Dani.”

 

_You have a lot to learn, period_ she thought. “Okay, so where  _do_ Saints eat then?”

 

He looked around at the retail-hell of restaurants surrounding the parking-lot, “Uhm... Saints eat at... The Olive Garden. I need pizza.”

 

“I take it Pizza-Hut is beneath us.”

 

“Quite. Yes. Good show! Jolly good show!” Kevin said, doing his best British Aristocracy accent.

 

“Are you high or something?” Dani asked. Kevin was acting... silly. Kevin? Silly?

 

“No. Why? Do I seem weird?”

 

“Kinna...”

 

“Race ya!” he said, and took off in a run.

 

“Kevin!” she shouted after him, “Kev! – I can't run in these heels... KEVIN!”

 

 

* * *

 

 

They talked.

 

They talked about their parents. Dani's father was somewhere in the Caspian Sea, looking for oil. He wouldn't be home for months. Kevin's mother, on the other hand, had eventually just started staying at her apartment in New York City – too busy with her career to come home anymore.

 

They talked about their pasts. The things they used to do when they were kids – each of them fascinated by how different their childhoods had been, Kevin from the top 3-percent income class, Dani from the middle. They had grown up in different worlds, it seemed.

 

There were some similarities. To Kevin's surprise, Dani knew what burnt ants smelled like. She also knew how to field-dress a squirrel – but Kevin stopped her from going into detail about that. Not over pepperoni. She'd been something of a tom-boy, apparently.

 

The waiter came by and asked if they would like separate checks, and Kevin nodded his head and waved him off. It was part of his upbringing. The same upbringing that had him opening doors for Dani at the mall, and opening her car-door before his own. He wasn't even thinking about it.

 

She was absolutely fascinating! He looked over at Dani across the table. She was smiling. _That_ smile again, like he'd seen at the party. He wanted to know more about her. Wait... Him. He wanted to know more about _him_.

 

“So, uh, Dani... did you like boys even back then? You don't have to answer. You know how I like to ask dumb questions about that stuff.”

 

“It's okay. Well, y'know... at that age, I wasn't really thinking about it. I mean, all my friends back then were boys, but I wasn't exactly thinking about sex yet, y'know? Uhm... if you're looking for clues, though” Dani said a little uneasily – this was exactly the sort of thing Kevin was likely to laugh at, “I _did_ play with dolls...”

 

He didn't laugh – he only smiled at her and said, “Yeah. So did I. My friend's sister's.”

 

“YOU played with dolls?”

 

“Don't get all excited,” he chuckled, “I liked to blow 'em up with fire-crackers.”

 

“Ah. Of course you did. I should have known.”

 

“This one time... I think it was a Ken doll. I made this belt of fire-crackers, like a suicide-bomber or something, right? Took hours to make – I guess I was really into it. Anyway, I sorta wound it all around him, around his neck, everywhere. I was gonna blow the _fuck_ outta Ken, y'see. Well... y'know how some firecrackers have faster fuses than others?”

 

“I never got to play with fire-crackers. You were lucky.”

 

“Oh. Well, most of 'em go 'sssssssssssss-bang!' when ya light 'em. But every once in a while, you get one that just goes 'ss-BANG!'. Anyway, I'm all ready to light it off, right? I'm sitting cross-legged on the patio, and this doll is like, this far away” Kevin pointed to a spot on the table about a foot away, “I wanted to be close, y'see. I worked _hard_ on this! I wanted to _see_ him blow up!”

 

“Oh my god...” Dani grinned, imagining what was about to happen.

 

“Yeah. So I light the fuse on the end of the belt I made. I swear to god, I didn't even have time to pull my hand back before the first one went off. Blew Ken's head right smack into my face. Scared the fuck outta me.”

 

Dani started laughing, trying to cover her mouth to keep the noise down.

 

“And the other ones start going off too... Well, I was a pretty stupid kid – guess I don't have to say that – I made the belt by twisting the fuses together, right? Well, once the fuse burns – it's not _there_ anymore! So the first couple that popped sorta blew all the rest of the fire-crackers all over the place. Including onto me.”

 

“Oh _MY GAWWWD!_ ” The hand wasn't doing much to stifle Dani's laughter now.

 

“Yeah, and I'm cross-legged on my ass right? So I'm screaming and sort of scooting backwards on my butt like a crab or something – there's fire-crackers going off everywhere – and I swore I felt one land on my head. I had long hair back then. So I'm still screaming right? I think there's a firecracker on my head, right? Well, I'm desperately trying to brush this thing outta my hair with one hand, screaming, and still using the other hand to scoot my ass backwards, and I scoot right over the edge of the pool behind me.”

 

“Oh! ... Oh! ...” Dani was cracking up. That was all she could say.

 

“So over I go, backwards into the pool. Well, I figured that at least took care of the fire-cracker. So I finally get up to the edge of the pool again, and I'm sort of just trying to catch my breath y'know. I mean, I thought my _head_ was gonna get blown off or something! And Mom's sitting in her lounge chair, drink in one hand and cell-phone in the other. She looks down at me, and pulls down her sunglasses, and says 'I _told_ you to be careful with those...' And I'm like 'What the _fuck_ , Mom! I almost got my HEAD blown off!' I didn't _say_ that... but that's what I was thinking.”

 

Kevin sat back and watched Dani laugh.

 

It was good.

 

 

* * *

 

 

They kept talking until finally Kevin was parked in the driveway of Dani's house. She waited for him to cut off the engine. But he didn't.

 

“Aren't you going to come in? Don't you wanna see what I'll look like in all this stuff?”

 

“Dani... it's getting close to midnight. We both have to get up in about six hours...”

 

Dani was feeling too good for it to end now. And besides, she really _was_ excited about her new ensemble... dress, shoes, hose, garter-belt – the whole deal. She couldn't wait to accessorize it. It would be so great!

 

“So we can make it an all-nighter! C'mon, Kev... Everything has been _so_ much fun... can't we make it last a little longer?”

 

“I'm really tired, Dani...”

 

“Pwease?”

 

He looked over at her seriously, “You can show me tomorrow, okay? I need to go home now...”

 

So, that was that, then. This was goodbye. Dani sighed. Why was he so intent on ruining everything? Oh... no... wait a minute...

 

“Kevin... I... I wasn't making a pass or anything.”

 

“No, I wasn't thinking that. I'm just really tired, that's all.” he said, “You need help with this stuff?”

 

She considered. Since Kevin hadn't even turned off his engine, she guessed he'd had enough of her for one day. “Nah. I can get it. Uh... thanks for the outfit and everything, Kev. And dinner. And... everything.”

 

“'S okay.”

 

“Well... g'nite, then.”

 

Kevin sat there while Dani fished the boxes and bags from the back-seat. He should have at least helped her do that, he thought. Carried them into the house. Been gentlemanly. And he would've, too, except Dani already had them all in her arms, and was walking – with difficulty since she couldn't see where she was going – towards the door.

 

_I should've got the door for her. I should've... aww, fuck, man._ He put the car in reverse and backed out of the driveway. As he drove home, as he got ready for bed, and as he lay there in the silence, he kept going over the things he “should have” done. He laid awake for two hours making excuses – and he knew they were excuses - for why he hadn't.

 

Dani laid awake too, wondering about Kevin. She'd never really expected him to be... so much fun! It was amazing – like they'd just worked so well together. Kevin making the typical male show of being dragged along against his will – although it obviously wasn't _that_ much against his will – but guys aren't supposed to like shopping, so of course he'd had to put on the act. It was charming.

 

And then at the restaurant, the way they'd talked... Minus the idiot and fag comments that usually peppered their conversation. It was so easy to talk to him. And he was so funny! Although she did kind of wince whenever he'd make fun of himself for being “dumb”. He wasn't really dumb. She wished he would stop saying that... Poor Kevin. All he needed was someone to believe in him...

 

 

* * *

 

 

Next day, Kevin showed up at six as usual. Dani's mother was there again, so he chit-chatted with her a little. She always wanted to know how the football team was doing. Kevin could tell that she didn't really care – he'd told her four times now that the season didn't actually start until September - but it was just small-talk anyway. She was obviously busy, with paperwork spread out all over the kitchen table, some of it spilling onto the counters as well. She was some sort of banking executive. Boring...

 

Finally, Danny and he headed upstairs to the bedroom as usual. Now alone with him, Kevin remembered what an ass he'd been the previous night.

 

“Hey, Danny? You think it's safe for you to put that stuff on while your Mom's downstairs? I'd really like to see it all together now...”

 

“No you don't,” Danny said, smirking a little, “It's okay, Kev. I know how you guys aren't into clothes and stuff. Like you said, you'll see it on Sunday.”

 

 _Us guys?_ Kevin thought. Well, he'd let that go for now. “C'mon Danny... I spent damn near five-hundred dollars yesterday, y'know? I wanna see it. I mean, if it's not a problem...”

 

Danny's smirk turned into a half-smile, “Kevin... Are you trying to be nice to me?”

 

Kevin looked away in embarrassment, “Well... I was kind of a jerk last night...”

 

“You talked me into it!”Danny said, smiling fully now, excitement in his voice, “This'll take awhile. You get started on your homework. I'll just be a few minutes.” And he was out the door.

 

A “few minutes” was probably longer than “not long”, Kevin knew. He wondered what he should say when she came back...

 

_Maybe something like, “Wow – you really look great!” No, no... to personal. “That's a beautiful look for...” Better not. The word “beautiful” is good though – she'll like that. “You really look beautiful...” Dammit! I gotta make it about the DRESS, not about HER! “It looks beautiful on you.” Hmmm. “It really looks beautiful.” Yeah. Yeah, that's good. Good. “It”, not “You”. Yeah._

 

 

* * *

 

 

Dani was sure taking a long time. Kevin had finished his homework and she was  _still_ in her sister's bedroom!  _How long does it take to put on a dress, for Christ's sake? She's probably putting on make-up, too. I bet she wears ear-rings as well. “It really looks beautiful. On you.” Maybe that'd be better..._

 

“Ahem” Dani said from the door. It was show time. Kevin turned around in his chair.

 

“Ta-daaa” she said, curtsying.

 

“Holy _fuck_!”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“So, the quarter exams are next week. Do ya think I could come over on Saturday and go over some of that trig stuff? 'Cuz we have that funeral thing on Sunday...”

 

“Sorry, Kev. My Saturday is kinna... uh... taken.”

 

“Yeah? Whatcha doing?” Kevin asked out of simple curiosity.

 

“Uhm...”

 

“None of my business? Hold on... you don't have a date or something, do ya?”

 

Danny looked over at him with a pained expression, “Yeah. I do. I have a date...”

 

“Hey, congratulations! Someone from school? Don't tell me – Sam Hollander?”

 

“ _Congratulations”?_ Danny thought, _He's HAPPY I have a date? Even though he thinks it's with a guy?_ “No” he said curtly, knowing Kevin would keep guessing, and wishing he wouldn't.

 

“Uh... maybe Wayne Tilton?”

 

“Linda Flornoy,” Danny said with a sigh.

 

“Linda... you have a date with a girl?”

 

“That's right Kev. I have a date with a girl.”

 

“Uh...”

 

Danny sighed again, “It's for cover, okay? She asked _me_. And it wasn't the first time. I couldn't keep making excuses. And I can't tell her the truth, either. This is the worst part about being in the closet... I hate doing this.”

 

“You really don't like girls, huh? I mean, at all?”

 

“It's not that I don't _like_ them, you putz. Some of my best friends are girls... God, that sounds like a sit-com line. It's just that I'm not interested in... that, y'know? Once they understand that, they're usually really cool about it. Cooler than you guys are, for sure.”

 

“So tell her” Kevin said. _Simple. Problem solved_. Kevin thought, but _Why does he always say YOU guys?_

 

“I don't know her well enough to just tell her. She'll tell her girlfriends, and they'll tell their boyfriends... You don't know what it's like...”

 

“Nah, Danny. You can tell her. She's cool. Just be sure and say that you want it kept secret, okay?”

 

“How do you know she's-”

 

“My radar.”

 

Danny thought about it. Was he willing to trust Kevin's “radar” that far?

 

“If you're wrong...”

 

“I'm never wrong, Danny. Seriously. Call it 'radar' or whatever, but I'm never wrong about stuff like this.”

 

“She's going to be mad I didn't tell her before, isn't she?”

 

“Heh. I doubt it. In fact, she'll probably still want to go out. Girls love gay guys. It's weird. I bet you'll end up talking about all the 'hot boys' at school. Put in a good word for me, will ya?”

 

It did not escape Danny's attention that Kevin had said “gay guys” and not his usual “fags”. Did that mean something? He'd have to keep on the look out for stuff like that. But for now...

 

“I guess this means I don't need the Old Spice, then.”

 

“Old... oh god, Danny. You weren't...”

 

“It works, Kev. They never, ever, ask for second dates when I wear Old Spice.”

 

Kevin laughed, “Yeah, I bet they don't. Probably reminds 'em of their Dads. You can skip the Old Spice, Danny. God...”

 

“Oh, by the way, Kev. What time are you picking me up on Sunday to go to your Uncle's?”

 

“10 am. Funeral, then his estate.”

 

“Crap” Danny said, “My Mom will be home. That means I gotta sneak out. Okay, here's what you need to do: out in back, on the side of the garage, there's a step-ladder. You're going to have to bring it up here” he pointed to his bedroom window, “Man, it's gonna be a long day...”

 

“How come?”

 

“Yeah. You wouldn't know, would you... All you have to do is shower and put on a suit. I have to shower, shave my legs and underarms, wash my hair, _dry_ my hair, _style_ my hair, paint _twenty_ nails, wait for them all to dry, _then_ I can put on my makeup, _then_ I can get dressed... I'm going to have to get up early. Dammit. It's not fair.”

 

“Sorry. Uh... would it help if I said how much I appreciate this?” Kevin said guiltily. He'd had no idea there was so much involved.

 

“A little.”

 

“I really appreciate this. But, really, why are you hiding it from your Mom? She'd be cool with it, too.”

 

“Kev... No offense, but shut up. Me an' Mom don't really talk much. That'd be like the _last_ thing she'd want to hear.”

 

“Yeah, I noticed that. Uh... mind if I ask why?”

 

“We just don't, is all. I dunno when it started... I guess we just sorta drifted apart at some point.”

 

“Danny. You're a teenage boy. She's pretty much a single-mom. She has no idea what to _say_ to you, y'know? She'd _like_ to talk to you, but you'd probably start talking about computers and games and school and shit – she can't really do much except sit there and nod. And she's probably scared to pry you for information because she's heard all these stories from her friends who have teenage children - how awful they are, how they're into drugs and everything, how they hate their Moms. You're turning out so good, as far as she can see. She's scared she'll fuck you up. Parents are like that.”

 

Everything Kevin had rung true in Danny's ears. Really, Kev was kind of amazing... “So... I should just come out to her? 'Mom, I'm gay and I like to wear girl's clothes'?”

 

“Uh... well, I'd break those two things up a little bit... give her time to get used to the idea that you like boys first. I don't think it'll take long. Then you can bring up the other thing. But yeah, I'm pretty sure she'd be cool with that, too.”

 

“Well... I'll think about it. No offense, Kev... but you really just have no idea what it's like...”

 

“Oh, I know I don't. I can imagine, though. Yeah. I bet it's hard.”

 

Danny doubted that the other boy could imagine it all _that_ accurately. This was getting a little maudlin – time to change the subject.

 

“Y'know, Kev... if you want to pull off that I'm your girlfriend... you're going to have to act like a _boyfriend_ to me...”

 

As a matter of fact, he had thought of that. He wasn't really worried about it, though. It wasn't like he was going to have to make out with her or anything. Just put up an act for his Uncle to see. No sweat.

 

“Not a problem,” he said.

 

“Okay... well, so long as you know.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Here we go, Kevin” Dani said, as they unbuckled their seatbelts at the cemetery.

 

“Yup. Don't worry, you'll do fine.”

 

“I'm not worried about _me_... You're going to have to hold my hand, you know.”

 

“Oh. Well... I can do that.”

 

Dani sighed, “God help us...”

 

They got out, Kevin held her hand – it was only awkward for a little while – and they made the rounds of introductions. Kevin behaved mechanically, like the prep-school product he was. Introductions were just something one did. It was a rule. He didn't actually _care_ about any of these people...

 

Dani was smiling and gracious, and tended – Kevin noticed – to stand right up next to him whenever they stopped to talk to someone. She was good at this. She was a natural.

 

The wind was blowing briskly, and her hair kept flying up against his face. He didn't mind much, though. He didn't mind at all, actually.

 

Finally, they all took their places at the graveside while some old woman Kevin didn't know delivered the eulogy.

 

“He keeps looking at us, Kev” Dani whispered into Kevin's ear, “Your uncle. Here... put your arm around me. He's making me nervous. Nothing's showing down my top, is there?” Sometimes the breast-forms peeked out from under the bra, and with Uncle Keith glancing their way like that, she didn't dare check for herself.

 

“Uh... nope. Looks good from here. Relax. He probably just thinks your cute. And besides, the wind keeps blowing that slit in your dress open” he said quietly back.

 

“Now you tell me...” she whispered, and held the dress closed with her free hand.

 

“Would you calm down? It's okay. Nice garter-belt, by the way. Panties too.”

 

“Oh my god...”

 

Kevin smiled. Who knew you could have so much fun at a family funeral?

 

 

* * *

 

 

“You must be Kevin... Keith's told me so much about you. None of it true, I'm sure” the gray-haired lady who'd delivered the eulogy said to him.

 

“Oh, yeah. Heh, he sometimes exaggerates... I'm sorry, I'm really bad with names...” Kevin said, putting on his schooling for show again.

 

“I suppose I'd be your 'Aunt' Mary. Birdie and I were partners for a long time. Would've been forty years this October.”

 

“Oh, you were Aunt Birdie's partner... okay. This is Dani, my girlfriend.”

 

“Pleased to meet you, Mary” Dani said, taking the woman's hand in both of her's, “I'm so sorry about your loss. It must be really hard after a long time like that.”

 

“Yeah” Kevin said, “So, you and Aunt Birdie ran some kind of business togeth-” Kevin was interrupted by a kick to his shin.

 

A little too quickly, Dani said, “Oh! Kevin! They have punch! Could you get me a glass, please?” Kevin glanced into Dani's eyes. They said _Just shut up and go_. He went.

 

“Sorry about that Mary... he's kind of...”

 

The woman smiled, “It's okay, dear. I get that all the time. _You're_ a fast one though, aren't you... Maybe you'll be a good influence on him. I hear he's in need of good influencing.”

 

“Heh. Yeah, sometimes. Uh, I'd better go see what he's messing up now. I'm really sorry about your loss, Mary.”

 

“Thank you, dear. Good luck with Kevin.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“What the hell was that for?” Kevin asked, dipping out a second glass of punch. Those shoes _hurt_ on his shins.

 

“They weren't 'business' partners, Kevin. They were _lovers_. Lesbians. 'Partner' is just what we homo's call it, because we're not allowed to say 'wife' or 'husband'. Get it?”

 

“Lesbians?” Kevin had never considered the idea of old, un-attractive lesbians before. Lesbians were a porn-thing, in his mind. Those were the only ones he'd ever seen. “For _forty_ years? God- _damn_ , man... that's... that's just...” Kevin's face had a disgusted look on it.

 

“Kev? This isn't a good time to go all stupid. Yeah, old people have sex too. Even old gay people. Uhm... sorry, I didn't mean to call you 'stupid' or anything...”

 

“You didn't?”

 

“No. I didn't. Look, let's go over what you're going to say to Uncle Keith, before dinner gets served, okay? Remember – no sports talk. I know it's easy for you, but that's not why you're here, right?”

 

“Uh, yeah. Right. I talk about my school-work and what I want to major in at college. I want to major in... uh...”

 

“Business Administration. Gah, we just went over this! And why do you want to learn Business Administration?”

 

“Uhm...”

 

It was going to be a long evening. _Thank god I'm here_ , Dani thought.

 

_Thank god she's here..._ Kevin thought, too.

 

 

* * *

 

 

After dinner, Dani got up to help clear the table, along with several of the other younger women there. Once that was done, she stayed behind just to scrape off a few more plates and get things a bit more organized. The others meandered off to find their husbands or use one of the many bathrooms.

 

Uncle Keith came in, puffing on his cigar. He picked up a couple of glasses and began emptying them into the sink.

 

“We have staff to do this sort of thing you know, dear. Dani, wasn't it?”

 

“Oh, yeah, 'Dani'. With an 'i'. I figured you did Uncle Keith, but I just thought I'd neaten it up a little for them, y'know.”

 

“Yes. I do know. After an affair like this, I always try to tidy things up – at least a little – before the staff comes in. So, how long have you and my nephew been seeing each other?”

 

So this was a test, then. Maybe. Dani made a note to herself to go find Kevin before Uncle Keith did, so they could get their stories straight...

 

“Oh, since a couple of weeks after school started. We – my family, I mean - just moved here, from down south. You can probably tell by my accent... Houston.”

 

“Yes, I had noticed. It's quite charming, actually. I'd keep it, if I were you. Adds to your persona.”

 

“Oh... Well... thank you.” Uncle Keith – whatever else he might be – was pretty damned classy.

 

“Might I ask you a rather personal question, my dear? I hope I don't upset you.”

 

_Uh oh_ Dani thought, ready to panic,  _Did he see something? Does he know?_ “Well, I guess you can ask...” she said, fearing the question.

 

“You seem to be quite a remarkable young woman, Dani. What exactly do you see in Kevin?”

 

_Oh, thank you God... wait... what am I going to say to that?_ Dani hadn't known she was going to have a private conversation with the dreaded Uncle Keith. She was going to have to ad-lib:

 

“Well... Kevin... Kevin is...” Dani's mind raced. Uncle Keith already knew what Kevin was. It was going to be up to _her_ to do the lying? This could get real bad, real fast. But maybe... maybe a little truth – said in the best possible way – would satisfy this man's interrogation.

 

“Kevin is mostly lazy, is all. Really, he's a lot smarter than he thinks he is. And he really _does_ have a heart of gold – it's just buried really deep...”

 

“I see. Yes, sometimes people are not how they seem. On the other hand, sometimes they are, too. You're whipping him into shape, are you?”

 

“I do what I can” Dani said, and then she had an idea, “He's really excited about going on to college and getting an MBA...”

 

Uncle Keith frowned at her, although Dani wasn't looking and didn't see it. With that last remark, he'd learned what he'd wanted to know.

 

“Yes, well, good for him. I think that's enough tidying up, Dani. Let us return to the other guests, shall we?”

 

They did, and Dani made a bee-line for Kevin, who was sitting by himself in an over-stuffed Queen Anne chair and appeared to be looking around for her.

 

She bent down to whisper into his ear, “We need to talk!”

 

They went out the front door and found a spot on the enormous veranda where they could be alone. Dani told Kevin what had happened, and they got their stories straight, then they went back in. They mingled with the other guests – always together – but kept an eye on Uncle Keith. The man was clever, and in their situation, that was dangerous. For Kevin, anyway.

 

But Uncle Keith never made a move towards them, and seemed to have forgotten all about his intimate encounter with Dani earlier. As the guests started to leave, Dani and Kevin both breathed sighs of relief. They would have to stay longer, of course – Kevin was an actual relative, after all, not just a “friend of the family”.

 

By early evening, when most of the guests had already left, they had both forgotten all about scary Uncle Keith.

 

“Kev, I gotta use the restroom.”

 

“Okay. There's a downstairs one in the hallway to the drawing-room.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

And no more than ten seconds after she'd left -

 

“Kevin? May I speak to you privately? In my study, if you please?”

 

He had been waiting. All this time. Even Kevin could figure that out.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Very interesting girl, your Dani” Uncle Keith began, closing the sliding doors behind him.

 

“Yes sir.” Kevin felt like a drowning man in the middle of a wide ocean. With no life-preserver. No Dani.

 

“You bought her that dress? It looks like something you'd approve of...”

 

“Uh...” Just as Dani had thought, Kevin realized too that a little truth was the best lie – he just hoped he could pull it off, “Yeah. We went to the Mall last week. Got her the whole thing, dress, shoes, purse...” He was volunteering information because at least this part was easy. It would delay the inevitable. He did leave off the part about the underwear, though.

 

“Yes, she's quite remarkable. Intelligent. Friendly. With a natural politeness and grace.”

 

“Yeah. She's cool.”

 

Uncle Keith now sat behind the desk that Kevin was standing in front of, and got to the point, “You brought her here to impress me, didn't you...”

 

If Kevin lied, Uncle Keith would see right through it, so there was no use even exploring that avenue. Perhaps he could respond to the question by answering a different question – not the one that had been asked.

 

“I kind of thought she would impress you, yes, sir. She really is my friend, though.” Kevin knew that if he'd said _girl_ friend, it would all be over now.

 

“Is she.”

 

“Yes, sir.”

 

“You're usually somewhat more... intimate... with your girlfriends when you bring them here, Kevin. I haven't seen you so much as cop a feel of Dani's bottom. How do you explain that?”

 

“She... she's not that kind of girl...”

 

“No, she isn't. But you _are_ that kind of boy. Come on, Kevin. Is she doing it just for the dress? Are you paying her outright? Or is it more an exchange of favors... I _know_ a girl like that can't possibly be interested in you...”

 

Apparently play-time was over. Now it was sink or swim.

 

“She likes me.” It wasn't a lie. Was it?

 

“ _WHY_ , Kevin? Why would a girl like _that_ like _you_? You're not her type. You're not _nearly_ her type! Come now, nephew. The game's over.”

 

“It's not a game! She likes me – maybe I don't exactly know why... and I like her! Okay?”

 

“Kevin...”

 

“She's my GIRLFRIEND!” Oh, shit.

 

They both looked over as the doors slid open again, and there stood Dani, “Oh, excuse me. I didn't realize this was... Kev? I need to see you for a second. Would that be okay, Uncle-”

 

Kevin, who had been standing just inside the door, wrapped his arms around Dani and kissed her. On the mouth.

 

Hard.

 

 

* * *

 


	4. Other People

His upper lip in her mouth, their faces pressed close together, breathing through their noses against each other's cheeks, their bodies pressed close, her eyes open, his eyes shut, his arms around her back, pulling her tightly against him, her arms between them, as if to fend him off, but not doing so, she was warm, he was firm, her eyes closing without her being aware of it, him forgetting why he was doing this in the first place, then her upper lip in his mouth, soft and warm, breathing harder, the smell of her perfume, his cologne, his arm sliding down to the small of her back, her hand reaching for his throat, holding his cheek, his thigh pressing into her groin, him pulling her even tighter, her feeling his pulse through her whole body, and him hers.

But wait -

They separated, mouths still partially open, eyes still shut, arms still where they had been. Their eyes open at the same time, looking into each other. Into each other. Everything had been forgotten. There was only him, and there was only her.

And she was a guy.

And he didn't like guys.

Kevin withdrew his arms and ran for the front door, panicked, leaving a confused Dani standing there, still dazed, lips still partially open and still warm, too. “K – Kev?”

“I'm afraid that was my fault, Dani. He was trying to prove something to me...” Uncle Keith said, still sitting behind his desk.

Dani looked over at him as if he were some kind of stranger at a bus-station, some crazy person shouting obscenities at every passer-by. What? No... no, it didn't matter what this crazy man had said. Where was Kevin? She ran after him out of the drawing room and through the ornate front-doors.

Uncle Keith watched her go. He'd been right about Kevin all along. That should have been more satisfying than it was, though. The way he'd run off after the kiss was just the icing on the cake. And yet... could there be... well, yes, there was. There was something between Kevin and this girl he'd brought with him. He had a hunch. Uncle Keith had learned to trust his hunches. He didn't know what was going on between the two teenagers, but there was something. And if Kevin actually could hook up with a girl like Dani... Well, maybe he wasn't such a lost cause, after all. He'd have to keep a closer eye on the boy. A girl like that could turn anyone's life around.

Dani stood in front of the doors, looking for Kevin. There he was. At the far end of the veranda, sitting on the steps leading down, his back to her. She walked towards him thinking about what had just happened. Kevin had kissed her.

Kissed her passionately, too. No, wait, that wasn't the right word. He hadn't had an erection or anything – if he'd had, she would have felt it. She thought she felt it anyway - hard or not - he'd been holding her so tightly. So the kiss wasn't exactly “passionately”. But what then? And... why?

Oh, of course. To prove that she was his girlfriend. That's what Uncle Keith had meant. He was just acting like he was her boyfriend. But... that wasn't right either. There had been more to it than that. In that three seconds of so of eye-contact afterward, she'd felt it. Something had passed between them. A new thing. Dani had never felt anything like that before, and she was willing to bet that Kevin hadn't either. The pieces fell together before Dani got to the stairs – Kevin was straight, and had just... soul-kissed another boy. No wonder he was panicked.

She said softly to Kevin's back, “Do... uh... do you want me to leave you alone?”

His shoulders were still going up and down as he breathed deeply, trying to clear his mind, but he knew the answer to that question without thinking - “No.”

She stepped down to his level and sat beside him on the white marble stairs. He didn't say anything. She didn't either, but instead looked at the colorful New Hampshire fall foliage in the distance. He stayed quiet for a long time.

Kevin wasn't thinking about the kiss. True, what had happened was the reason behind why he ran out in the first place – but he'd stopped thinking about it before he'd even reached the stairs. Because it was unthinkable. He didn't understand yet that such things are – by definition - “unthinkable”. They are to be felt, not thought about.

Finally, he said, “He knows. He knows I made you come here with me just to impress him.”

“Yeah.”

“God. This has got to be the stupidest idea I've ever had. Fuck, man... Everyone here is outta my league. Uncle Keith is outta my league. Aunt Mary is outta my league” he paused for a second, and then added, “You're outta my league. I dunno why I thought I could pull this off. What an idiot.”

“Stop saying that, Kev. I thought it would work too.”

“Let's just go home, Dani. I'm never coming here again. Fuck this. Fuck him.”

“Okay,” she replied quietly. But they still hadn't talked about the kiss – and there was definitely something there that needed talking about. Kevin was already on his feet and going down the steps, though. Well, it could wait.

* * *

 

And it did wait. Once in the car, Kevin put on a CD and filled the ride home with Classical Rock. All three hours of it. Not a word was spoken. He didn't shut it off until he was sitting in Dani's driveway again. But, again, he left the engine running.

“Kevin... turn off the car.”

He looked over at her, and tried to make up his mind how he should react. In the end, he just turned the ignition off. He knew what was coming.

Dani stared straight ahead and said, “You kissed me...”

“Yeah. I was trying to show Uncle Keith that you were my girlfriend. It was stupid.”

“Will you stop saying you're stupid? Please?” Dani said, and then realized that Kevin was just trying to throw her off track. “Anyway, Kev... there was more to it than that, and you know it. I think we should talk about it.”

Kevin sighed deeply, “Yeah. I know. Look, Dani. Daniel. Whatever. I just... I forgot, is all, okay? I mean... you make such a pretty girl, and you act like a girl, and you talk like a girl and... and I swear to god, Dani, everything about you is just...'girl', all right? Sometimes – when you're in drag – I forget. 'Cuz it's not just that you're 'a girl', it's that you're this... great girl, y'know? You really are. Everyone can see it, too, not just me. God, I wish you were a girl...”

Dani swallowed. That hit her right in the heart. Kevin thought that she was a “great girl”. No amount of poetry read to her by a quiet lake on a summer evening could have meant more to her than what Kevin had just said. She had to remember to breathe. “M-me too” she said softly.

He looked over at her. 

She turned away, “I've never... told anyone that.”

Kevin didn't know what to think about what Dani had just said. Something told him it was important, but he didn't know why. He was feeling a lot of things at once – and he didn't like some of them. They were confusing. They were contradictory. They were... out of his league.

Then Kevin - having just filled Dani's heart to the brim with newfound and unexpected joy - stomped on it.

“You really have the act down, I gotta tell ya. It's amazing how well you do it. You should be one of those female-impersonators or something.”

Splat.

She opened her door as she were attacking it and got out, slamming it behind her. He just sat there, dumbfounded. What had he said now?

Dani came around to his side of the car, opened his door, and said, standing there, “Don't ever come here again, Kevin! Our deal is over! I did what you wanted, so it's over! Don't even... don't even talk to me again! I fucking mean it!” Dani slammed the the door as hard as she could and tried not to run towards her house. It was hard. The tears were already starting. Fumbling with the lock was a nightmare.

Another nightmare awaited: “Danny? Is that you?” her mother said from the kitchen hall, watching her son run towards the stairs. In a little black dress.

Dani just kept running, taking the stairs two at a time. Fuck. Just... fuck...

* * *

 

“Danny!? Breakfast!” his mother yelled up the stairs.

He opened his door and came slowly down to the kitchen, sat at the table, and looked down at his French toast. His Mom only made French toast on special occasions. Danny hoped that Kevin was right about his Mom... He'd been right about the Linda girl, after all. In fact, Linda kept threatening to have her brother at college set him up with dates, she was such a gay-guy fangirl. Sheesh. He tried to quiet his roiling brain. His stomach was already trying to jump up his throat. He'd have given anything just have someone there who would understand him, who knew the secret he was about to tell. But his sister Stacy was away at college, and Kevin... well, Kevin was an idiot.

“Did you want butter or peanut-butter this morning?” his mother asked, as if it were any other morning.

“Uhm... I don't know... just butter, I guess...” Danny said. He tried to open the syrup, but gave up because his hands were shaking too much. “Mom... I know you saw me last night...”

“Oh. Yes. Coming back from some kind of costume party?”

Danny sighed. His mother was giving him an out. He hadn't really expected that, but grasped at it out of reflex - “Yeah. Costume party,” he said, and winced inwardly. No, no, he was not going to take that bait. Mom knew better anyway – she had to. Her son had come home dressed as a woman and crying and had run up to his room. Costume party. Yeah, right. “Uh... I mean... No. I'm... I'm gay, Mom.”

After a tense pause, she said, still from the kitchen, “I see. I did give you a fork, didn't I?”

“Mom – would you come sit down? Please stop pretending this isn't a big deal. Say something.”

She did come in and sit down, but she didn't look at him, or say anything.

“Mom?”

“What do you want me to say? Look, I know this is hard for you. I do know a little about the... gay thing. I understand that it's not a choice. Uhm... are you sure, Danny? It's not just... experimenting?” Now she was grasping.

“No, Mom.”

“Or maybe your bisexual and just leaning towards-”

“No, Mom.” 

“Ah. So... And Kevin's your, uh-”

“No! Mom... No, he's just a guy I help with homework. That's all. Nothing like that. I don't have a boyfriend. And... I've only had one, anyway, ever. Remember Pete?”

“Pete? Little Peter Kopp? He was... you were...” she forced herself to stop talking, let it sink in, “Uh... okay. Peter Kopp... Honey – just tell me this: do you practice safe sex?”

“MOM! Geez!”

“Well I'm sorry... but you wanted me to say something...”

“Well... say something else then! Gawd. I've never even had... well... Oh, fer... yes Mom. We had 'safe sex'. Okay?”

“I'm sorry, Danny... I'm just kind of at a loss here.”

“Well, you didn't have to bring that up right away...” Danny paused to try and remember the things he'd wanted to say, “Uhm. So, is it okay? I mean... are you going to send me to therapy now or anything?”

“Therapy? Why? Is something troubling you?”

“No, I just meant... nevermind. So, IS it okay, then?”

She sighed, “Well, as I understand it, it's not really anything to do with me. I guess if you're happy that way... well, I'm supposed to be happy for you. And proud of you for coming on to me.”

“'OUT', Mom... Coming 'OUT' to you. If I were coming 'on' to you, I would be going to therapy. My god...” Against all odds, a smile played on Danny's lips.

“Oh. I'm not quite up on all the terminology, I guess.”

“No kidding. But Mom – I'm not 'out' to anyone but you. And Stacy. And... Kevin. I'd kind of like to keep it that way?”

“Oh, of course, honey. Although... I've read that I should really support you in order for-”

“Mom? Can you just forget everything you've heard, and read? Can it just be something between us? I don't have anything to hide. Well... anymore. We can talk about it, right?”

“Well, okay...” she said, then, nervously continued, “Uhm... that was a nice dress you were wearing last night...”

Suddenly, saying he had “nothing to hide” didn't sound half so true. “Yeah. Uh... maybe we should give it a break for awhile after all... Pick it up again after school?”

“But you said-”

“I know Mom. And I'll tell you all about it. But... I'm gonna be late for school if I don't go now...”

“Okay honey. Oh, Danny? You... be safe at school, okay?”

He sighed. “Geez Mom... It's not like... oh, all right. I'll be safe, Mom. Really, I'm all right. See ya after work.”

“'Bye, Danny.”

Well, that hadn't gone as well as he could have hoped... but it did go a lot better than he'd feared. You'd better be right, Kevin. Gah. Why am I even thinking of that asshole?

* * *

 

Kevin had his own problems, and by the truckload. As a back-up career option, Uncle Keith was now out. That left football. And without Dani to help him, he was on thin ice there, too. He was going to have to study his ass off, and had no one to turn to for help. In the back of his mind, his football dreams were starting to seem a little less of a sure thing too. The shot of reality from everything that had happened on Sunday had done that to him. Lots of guys dreamed of being football stars, didn't they... and not a lot of them were.

While Dani had been around – strike that. While Daniel had been around, everything had seemed so bright. Anything was possible. Even a “B” seemed within his grasp. That would have freaked out his Dad, he knew. Ah well. And what was her – his – problem, anyway? Why had she just gone insane like that? Women. Or, y'know, fags, then. Whatever. And anyway, why did they all have to be so crazy?

Those were the things he thought the first night. He and Danny scrupulously avoided each other at school the following Monday, not even glancing in each other's direction. 

The asshole bastard, and the crazy faggot.

* * *

 

This went on the whole next week, too. They each went through their own compensations-

“Hey, Monica. Are you busy on Saturday? Wanna go out?” Kevin asked.

“Oh, I'm sorry Kevin, but I'm going to the Mall with Cheryl and Lisa. We're going to buy new outfits for the Fall Ball next week.”

“Sounds like fun. Maybe I could come and... y'know, give you girls a guy's opinion on stuff.”

Monica giggled, “I don't think so Kev... we all know what guys like. This is a girl thing. Really, you'd just be bored, baby...”

“No, really, I-”

“Kev? Maybe next time, 'kay?”

Well, there were others... and eventually, he did get a date....

“... so, there were firecrackers all over the place, right? And I'm-”

“Those things can be dangerous, Kevin. You're lucky you weren't hurt.”

“Uh... yeah, I guess. Anyway, I was sort of scooting-”

“I had a nephew had to go to the hospital when a Roman Candle shot out through the wrong end of the tube, y'know? Right down his sleeve. Third degree burns. It was disgusting.”

Kevin sighed. Katelyn liked to be the one doing the talking, it seemed. “Ah. Uhm... was he okay?”

“Not really. He still has this really gross scar all the way up his arm to his elbow. We went to see him at the hospital the next day, and he was all bandaged...” she continued. And continued. And continued.

Kevin sat back and looked at her, nodded, and made the appropriate noises when he got a chance. Wasn't much to it. Wasn't much fun, either. Oh, she'd be fun later, all right. Katelyn was a hot one in the bedroom. But Kevin found himself wondering if it was really worth the price of admission, after all.

By the time dinner was over, he'd decided that it wasn't. He'd rather just take her back home and jerk-off by himself, than spend any more time with her.

As for Daniel, he finally relented – for lack of a better idea – and let Linda Flornoy's brother set him up with a gay college boy. The brother wasn't actually gay himself – but he knew a lot of guys that were. He was majoring in Music, apparently. Daniel guessed there must be lots of gay guys in Music. The date was set for the following Saturday – same as the Fall Ball at St. Augustine's, but that was okay, since Daniel hadn't planned on going to that anyway.

A blind date. With a guy. An older guy. Daniel was so nervous! Excited... but nervous, too. A college guy? Daniel would be 17 next month. Better not let Mom know about this then... The question was, should he go in drag, or not? He'd been out in public in drag a grand total of three times now, and with the exception of meeting The Bastard Asshole, they'd all gone great. But... a blind date? And with a college man? That might look a little... on the other hand, at least they were both gay, for a change. He'd understand. He'd probably like it! It could be SO fun!

* * *

 

Kevin stayed home from the Fall Ball as well. He just didn't feel like going through all those motions. Dancing wasn't really his thing. Girls were his thing. But lately, he'd found himself feeling unsatisfied in some way, even when everything went the way it was “supposed to”. It wasn't... serious enough, or something. All this pinging and flirting... it was just getting kind of old. If only he could find a girl friend... or maybe, a “friend-girl” - putting “friend” first. Like Danny had been. Sort of. 

So he stayed at home and watched Flight of the Phoenix, the old version, again.

His cell-phone played a snippet of Dixie Chicks, and he picked it up.

“Hello?”

“K-Kevin? It's Dani...” Kevin forgot about the movie he'd been watching. From the tone of Dani's voice, he could tell something was wrong. Seriously wrong. Before he could say anything, he heard her sniffle. He knew that sound. She was crying.

“Dani? What's wrong?”

“Could you come and get me, Kev? I... I didn't know who else to call...”

“Come get you? Where are you?”

“Fontana Center, 71st and Lewis. I'll be in front of the Edison's. You'll come?”

“Heading out the door now. That's a long ways, Dani... it's gonna take awhile.”

“I know. Hurry, okay?”

“Keep talking to me, Dani. What happened?”

“I... I'd rather not say, Kev. But this phone is in kind of a bright place, and everything's all deserted... and... and I'm in drag, Kev. I don't wanna stay on the phone here. I didn't bring my cell. I'll be in front of the Edison's, okay? And – come in the Lewis street entrance, so I'll see you driving up, all right?”

“Lewis entrance. Getting in my car now. Dani... are you okay?”

“I'm okay, Kev. Just... a little scared. Thanks. 'Bye.”

Kevin drove. He did not play any music. He hurried. It seemed to take forever. He didn't like how Dani sounded scared like that. And he couldn't do anything about it but drive. It was maddening.

He pulled in the Lewis street entrance, into the empty, amber-lit parking lot, working his way down the aisles towards Edison's. A figure stepped out of the shadows behind one of the columns supporting the facade of the store. A lone dark figure. In a knee-length skirt. He pulled up to her and she got in.

“Just go,” she said.

“Dani? What are you doing out here? What happened? Are you all right?” Kevin asked faster than she could have answered.

“It's a long story, Kev... There's... There's a bar at the back of the shopping center. You probably don't know. It's a gay bar.”

“Yeah, I've heard about it. You... you actually went to a gay bar?” Kevin couldn't believe she'd actually do something like that. Not Dani...

“My date brought me. I... he's still there, I guess. Doubt if he's looking for me though. Kevin – I really don't want to talk about it, okay? It's just... it's been a bad night. I just wanna go home. Thanks for coming to get me.”

Her date brought her? “You're not... hurt or anything, are you? Did he-”

“No, nothing like that. I'm okay. Please stop asking me about it, Kevin. I just want to forget the whole thing.”

“Oh. Well... good. Okay. I'll shut up.”

And he did. Until once again, they were sitting in his car, on her driveway. He cut his engine.

She was making no motions about getting out, though.

“Thanks Kev. Seriously. I was kinna... scared back there...”

“Want me to come in? You don't have to talk about it, if ya don't want to. I just thought...”

Actually, Dani would have liked that. Dani's mother was over-nighting at some bank conference down in Massachusetts. But it would have been just way too awkward. “It's okay. I'll be okay now. You don't have to come in.”

“We could just... play games or something. Get your mind off it...”

“It's all right, Kev, I'll see ya in school.”

He had one more chance – though it pained him to play this particular card. “I'll play Doom with ya, if ya want.”

Dani had already opened her door, but froze just as she was turning to get out. She looked questioningly back at Kevin. “I'd... I'd kick your ass, Kev...”

“Maybe. Maybe not.”

“I've been playing Doom for six years, Kevin. I'd SO kick your ass!”

“Maybe.”

Even after what she'd been through, Kevin had brought a smile to her face. “Yeah. Yeah, come on in. Welcome to your slaughter.”

It had worked. He got out of the car and began following her up the walk. “Uh... you gotta give me a handicap.”

“I gotta do no such thing. That wasn't part of the deal, Kev. We always stick to our deals, don't we?”

“Oh come on, Dani... how about: you only use the shotgun?”

“Maybe I'll think about it. Eventually.”

“Dani...”

This was going to be a blood-bath of the first magnitude.

* * *

 

Kevin made himself a gaming position on the floor with pillows from the couch while Dani changed into his pajamas. Four hours later, Danny had stacked up 373 frags against Kevin's 4. Danny had relented after the first hundred, and agreed to only utilize the chain-gun. It didn't really make much difference.

“Danny... it's 4 am. I don't think I can stand this anymore, I'm falling asleep.”

“Yeah. Me too. Uh... it's hardly worth going home, Kev. You wanna just stay here and have sex?”

“But you're not making a pass or anything.”

“Oh, no. Of course not. You only like girls.”

“That's right. I only like... Danny? Are you ever gonna tell me what was wrong that day?”

Danny sighed loudly. “It's just... It's like... What I want to say is 'if you don't know then I'm certainly not going to tell you', but it sounds stupid. That's how I feel though.”

“Christ. Just like a girl.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess it is. See, Kev... you... you don't get it. You made me feel so good about myself that day, then you opened your big fat mouth and ruined it. I... hated you for doing that.”

“I made you feel good? Uh... you're not talking about-”

“No, you stupid... No, Kevin. I wasn't talking about the kiss. I was talking about when you said what a great girl I made. You can't imagine how that felt for me.”

“So...” Kevin prompted. He was still in the dark about what the hell he'd done.

“So then you go and say what a great ACTOR I was! How I should get a job as a female-impersonator, for god's sake! Goddammit, Kev... Don't you understand? When I'm a girl is the only time I'm NOT 'acting'! All the rest of the time, I am! In school, during football... ALL the damn time, Kev! And when I actually got to spend a day NOT 'acting', you tell me what a great actor I am! How well I can pull it off! Jesus Christ, Kev... you don't understand, Trace didn't understand... I don't think Mom understands, either. Is it that hard? Or is my 'boy act' just SO good that no one can tell...”

“Uh... I'd never thought of it that way. I... I'm sorry. Really. Who's 'Trace'?”

“Oh. The guy I had a date with tonight. College guy. Linda's brother set it up. It was a blind date. God what a nightmare.”

“You wanna talk about it now?”

“Yeah, I guess it's okay now. See...” Danny told the story.

Trace was gay, all right. Gay and proud. Gay and obsessed with his gay-ness, more accurately. And he wasn't the only one like that at that bar that night. His buddies had been there too. At first, Trace – and his friends – had tried to hide their distaste for how Dani was dressed. For how Dani acted. He was only a kid, after all. They tried, not too subtly, to “set him right”: he should be proud of being a gay man. He shouldn't try to act all girly. He damn sure shouldn't DRESS girly! And as the night wore on, and the beer flowed, they'd become more and more open about it.

Dani was a traitor to the Cause. An enemy to Gay Men everywhere, they told her.

Here she'd thought that she'd finally meet people who would understand, who would enjoy her for what she was, and instead...

Instead they found everything about her disgusting and stupid. And the more they drank, the angrier and more tactless they'd become about telling her that. Until finally, she'd just left, by herself. And called Kevin.

“Wow.”

“Yeah. I didn't know there were gay Assholes too, see? Imagine my surprise.”

“Yeah. Jesus.”

“I was feeling pretty... down on myself, when you picked me up.”

“I could tell.”

“I feel a lot better now, Kevin.”

“I just can't believe they would say stuff like that. Gawd.”

“It's no worse than what you straights say about us, usually,” Danny observed.

“Hey, I never... I mean...”

“I didn't mean you. You're okay. For a breeder.”

Danny was looking right into Kevin's eyes. No, Kevin had never said things like that, but he might have, before he'd really thought about it. Before... now.

“Uhm... Danny? When I said you made a 'great girl'... I meant it. I'd just never thought about... the part about acting like a guy all the time.”

“It's okay Kev. I'm over it. And thanks for saying that. 'Cuz I know how much you hate phonies.”

Kevin couldn't let that go unanswered: “Danny... The first thing I ever noticed about you, back at that party with all the scene kids, was that nothing – I mean absolutely nothing – about you is phony, no matter what clothes you wear.” He yawned hugely, “Look, I'm gonna crash here on the floor, all right? G'nite, Danny.”

“Good... good night, Kevin” Danny stammered. He watched Kevin roll over onto his side. He stared awhile, and then went up to go to bed.

* * *


	5. Them

When Danny got up in the morning, Kevin had already left. That was disappointing. Damn that Kevin – always ruining the moment. Danny could have made him toaster-waffles for breakfast. They could have... hung out, or something. Fucking Kev... what could be so important on a Sunday that he'd have to just leave like that?

It was simply that Kevin needed to think. Hard. About hard things. Danny was only one of the hard things. Yes, he liked Danny. He had fun with Danny. Danny was fun – in drag or out. Didn't really matter. And Danny was... well, it could only be called “sweet”, too, in a lot of ways. A lot of ways. And – he admitted to himself with the greatest reluctance – Danny was actually pretty cute. For a guy. As a girl, sure, but even when he wasn't. The smile didn't change. Neither did the legs...

Really, the difference between Dani and Danny was just – besides the clothes – the breasts. How weird to realize that. He was so used to Dani in drag, that he never even noticed the breasts. They weren't what made her... sexy. Now, wait a minute -

Breasts were damn sure what made other girls “sexy”. Katelyn and her C-cups, for instance. Cheryl and her D's. Even Lisa, who barely rated a B... the breasts were a big part of what made her sexy, too. But not Dani. On Dani, they were just sort of there, not really a focal point. Why was that? Because they weren't real? Well, neither were Cheryl's...

But, Kevin wasn't a boob-man anyway, he was a leg-man. And he damn sure did notice Dani's legs. From their first meeting. What was between those legs was a problem, though. He thought about that. It was a problem... Wasn't it? Gah!

Still... weird about the tits, though. What it boiled down to was simply: was he attracted to Dani as a girl or not? What the fuck was he attracted to? What the fuck was it about her? Him. Whatever. 

Kevin mulled it over all morning, concentrating on the physical. Because – after all – he was a 17 year old boy. But just beneath the surface of his young consciousness, something else was poking through, like a shark-fin cutting through the surface of an ocean. Something not physical. But Kevin was in a teenage boat. He didn't worry about sharks. He'd never seen one.

And then there was that kiss. What the fuck had that been all about? And what was that look in her eyes, afterward? And what was that... feeling...

“Kev? You gonna stay in there all day?” his father shouted at the closed door as he walked by in the hall, “It's close to noon. Up and at 'em!”

“Coming Dad...” he said automatically. He'd have to think about all this stuff later. 

He never got around to it. Actually, he could have – but didn't. On purpose.

Next Monday, Kevin avoided Danny as if he simply weren't there. And Danny let him do it. He knew that Kev was having problems with all this. Best to give the older boy some space.

Kevin was having problems, all right. His grades were slipping again. Fast. He was going to fail. He was probably going to be held back. And benched from playing football. And St. Augustine's didn't actually “hold students back” when they failed to pass the state's graduation exams. St. Augustine's simply kicked them out. If it weren't for the donations from his father, they would have kicked him out already. He was lowering the GPA of the whole class. It looked bad on the brochures.

Which, understandably, was making his father angry. Great. Just what he needed, after alienating Uncle Keith. Kevin was running out of options. It probably wouldn't get to the point of “do you want fries with that?”, but he could well end up a nameless clerk in his father's company. And while that fate might well pay more, it would be equally as dead-end. Kevin was too young to be dead-ended! If only he could have another chance!

And then there was Danny. And Dani. And that smile. Fuck, man... of all the stupid, phony things in his life, the one exception - was Danny. And that... was out of the question. Because of... because he was... Fuck.

All these anxieties, one on top of another, were crushing Kevin with their weight. Day after day. The whole week, and into the next.

The following Thursday, Danny was extra late for practice after his AP class. He'd been arguing with the teacher over another test. Or rather – he'd been discussing his interpretation of the test questions with the teacher. He got his B changed to an A this time.

But Coach would have none of that. Danny was told to run laps around the outside of the stadium as punishment. Just like Kevin was doing already.

The backside of the stadium was a little wooded area where a drainage ditch ran through. Inside those woods – almost 50 yards wide – one could actually find quiet seclusion from the outside world. That's where Danny caught up to Kevin. Kevin was walking, not running. It was a common cheat on the coach – all the kids did that.

“Kev,” Danny said, as a non-committal greeting.

“Daniel.”

They walked side-by-side in silence for awhile, until they got to the wooden bridge over the ditch.

“Are you avoiding me?” Danny finally asked.

“I... have a lot on my mind...”

“So you are. Avoiding me.”

“Danny... I'm sorry, but yeah. I have been. I don't think... I just can't deal with you right now.”

Deal with me? “What's going on?”

“Oh, just everything going to shit, is all. I'm gonna get kicked out of St. Augustine's. Probably have to get a G.E.D. somehow. My Dad'll kill me. Uncle Keith's already pretty much disowned me. The girls are just pissing me off now, since I was benched. They want to go out with football stars. I don't play anymore, so they're not interested. It's just a lot of shit.... I can't deal with it all. Not all at once. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know what difference anything would make, anyway.” 

Danny had never heard Kevin sound like that. Dejected. Hopeless. It was pitiful. Danny had often fantasized about seeing the Big, Tough, Jock cut down to size, and now that it was actually happening... He wished he could take all those fantasies back.

They were coming close to the end of the woods now. 

“I could... I mean, we could start with the tutoring again, if you wanted...” Danny said. It was all he could think of to help. “Maybe if your grades came back up... there's still time...”

“You don't have to do that. You kept your part of the bargain, Danny. I'm keeping mine. I won't take up any more of your time.”

Danny stopped. “Kevin? Hold on a sec. Look... I wasn't saying... Uh... I gotta ask you something,” he paused and took a deep breath, “Are we friends or not...”

Kevin looked at him. Then he looked down the path. Then he looked back at Danny. Friends... Kevin was on the edge of something, something that he could feel was almost... divinely simple. Something that would change everything, somehow. But he couldn't get it to come through the fog in his brain.

He knew a way to clear that fog, though. “Hey, Danny?”

“Uhm... yeah?”

“Race ya!” and he was off.

“Oh! No way, Kev! Not THIS time! I am so faster than you!” Danny shouted at his back, letting him get some distance. It didn't matter. Danny wasn't on the team because he was big or powerful – he was there because he was fast. He took off at a full-on run, Kevin was already around the far turn at the end of the stadium.

By the time they were running through the parking-lot in front, Danny had caught up to him.

“No... way... Kev,” he said between breaths.

“Way... Dan...” Kevin replied in the same way, and picked up his pace, threatening to leave Danny behind.

Damn, Kev... okay, you wanna play rough? I can play rough... Danny pushed himself harder – but still not as hard as he could have. Not yet. He caught up with Kevin at the next corner, as they prepared to round the other end.

“You're... faster... than... I... thought...” Danny said, once he was next to him again.

“Faster... than... you...”

“Yeah?... Let's... see...” and Danny poured it on.

“Fuck...” Kevin said to his back, running as hard as he could. His sides were starting to hurt. Danny pulled in front by ten feet. And stayed there. His pony-tail bouncing behind mocked Kevin.

“Fuck...” he said again, “Bitch...” Kevin ran harder and faster than he ever had in his life. But Danny stayed ten feet away. By the time they were on the bridge over the ditch, in the woods, Kevin had had enough.

“'Kay!...” shouted with the last of a breath. He jogged to a halt on the middle of the bridge, holding on to the railing as he doubled over because of the pain in his diaphragm, and unable to do anything but breathe. Danny jogged back to him, also out of breath, but not the way Kevin was.

“You... okay?” 

“Fu... no...” Kevin answered, then, after a few more pants, added, “You... fu... bitch...”

“That's me... You just... breathe... for awhile...” Danny said.

After a few minutes, Kevin's breathing had at least come back under conscious control.

Danny asked him again, “So Kev... I asked you if we were friends or what...”

Kevin – still holding on the railing, but standing straighter now, looked over at him. There was a strange look on his face. Friend? Like girlfriend? Friend-girl? Friend-boy. Boy-friend? “Heh” was all he said. It was difficult for Danny to tell with him still panting like that, but Kevin might have been smiling.

“What's that mean?”

Kevin only said, “Heh” again, and then, “Gimme... couple... more... minutes...”

At the bottom of his pit, one light shone in Kevin's eyes. Of course. Fuck school. Fuck Dad. Fuck football and college and jobs and fags and straights and girls and boys and everyone and everything else – but Danny. I hope you have better luck than I did, that old man had said without saying, walking away with his horrible wife. 

Yeah. Yeah, man... I hope so too. And - I think I will.

The weight of the world evaporated from Kevin's shoulders. What was going to be important when his hair turned gray... Not St. Augustine's. Not Dad. Not grades... 

Kevin let go of the railing, and stretched himself, a new man. He felt almost as if he were high. Or drunk, but without the sick feeling. “That was good...”

“Yeah. Now answer the question. I mean, I need to know, because-”

Fuck 'em all... “Hey Danny, you wanna go out sometime?”

What? Danny's forehead wrinkled. He must have heard wrong. Or took it wrong. Or something. “What?”

“Maybe this Saturday? Pick you up at seven? No, wait. Six. Five? Actually... you got anything going on that day at all?”

Danny couldn't believe what he was hearing, “Are you... Wait. You mean just to hang out, right?”

“No. More like on a date,” Kevin was obviously smiling now. It looked almost – but not quite – like the smile of a happy idiot. Completely the opposite of how he'd been before. What the hell?

“Uh...” Danny needed to stall, “What ever happened to 'I only like girls'?”

“And you. I only like girls and you.”

Bam. Danny's ears were filled with the sound of hell freezing over. “Do you have any idea what you're saying?”

“Uhm... not really, no. It's great! I still wanna go out with you though.”

“Kevin...”

“'S okay. You think about it. Consider it a standing offer. C'mon, period's almost over, we better get back.”

He started walking nonchalantly past the still-perplexed Danny.

“Are you... getting bent or something, Kev?”

Kevin considered the question as he walked. He hadn't thought that far ahead yet. “I dunno. Maybe.”

“Wait a minute- Do you... are you... Do you want to go out with Danny with a 'y' or Dani with an 'i'?”

“Oh. Well... Actually, whatever you want. Doesn't matter. I wanna go out with you,” Kevin said, his eyes emphasizing the 'you' as much as his voice did, “I guess it kinda depends on what we're gonna do. I was thinking-”

“Stop. Stop talking Kev. Just shut up.”

“What'd I say this time?”

“Nothing. Yet. But you probably will... And I swear to god, Kev – if you ruin this moment for me, I will fucking kill you.”

“Ah. Gotcha.”

They walked on in silence for awhile.

Finally, Danny could only say, still unable to believe it, “You're serious...”

“Yup.”

“That would make you a fag, you know...”

“Yeah? I guess it would... Well, you're a fag, and you're cool. Maybe it won't be so bad.”

“You're freaking me out, Kev.”

“Sorry. So, ya free on Saturday?”

“Actually – no. I'm doing my Community Service stuff. Helping to build a house. 'Habitat for Humanity', I think it's called.”

“They take volunteers?”

“Of course they take volunteers. I'm a volunteer...” Danny explained, wondering what Kevin's point was.

“Good. I'll go with you then. What time should I pick you up?”

“Kev... it's too late for you to sign up for credits...”

“So? Can't I still help you build a house?”

Danny had to stop, hearing that question. Do Community Service work and not get credit for it? It just... wasn't done! “All right Kev: what's going on. Is this all some kind of big joke? Is a bucket of pig's blood going to come down on my head? What the hell are you up to...”

“I'm not 'up to' anything. I just wanna be your boyfriend, is all.”

That finally shocked Danny to the core. “Do you even hear yourself?”

“What...”

“You wanna be... Right. Okay. Kev? We'll talk about this after school. I gotta... think about this.”

“Take your time. Not trying to rush you or anything. You can say 'no' if ya want. Didn't really think you'd be so freaked out.”

“Would you just STOP being so... so goddamn... Gah!”

“Sorry.”

“KEV-in!...”

* * *

 

He was waiting by Kevin's car again, just as he had been all those weeks earlier. Kevin smiled. It was all so different now. It was as if Danny was his armor – the rest of the world couldn't touch him, because Danny was waiting for him by his car. 

“Hey Danny! Listen – wanna go get something to eat or something?”

“No... I want to talk to you.”

“So we can eat and talk.”

“I don't want to eat, Kevin!”

“Drink?”

“Just get in the god-damned car, Kev. You're acting so weird!”

Kevin opened Danny's door, then his own, and got in. “Where to?”

“Just... I don't know... just drive. What the hell is up with you, anyway?”

“I dunno. I feel weird. In a good way.”

“You're acting weird. I mean, I could understand if it was just 'runner's high', but that should have worn off by now. Why won't you tell me what's going on?”

After due consideration, Kevin only said, “Because I don't know.”

“You're lying.”

Kevin chuckled, “Oh, yeah. Right. Me, lying. Look – it's simple. I like you, I want to go out with you. I like spending time with you, okay? Nothing up my sleeve, nothing under my hat. Left or right at the light?”

“Left. No, right – oh, what the fuck does it matter!? You mean it? You're into me?”

“I'm into you.”

“Well... why now?”

“Not sure. I think it has to do with everything going to shit.”

“Ah ha. I see...” Danny said contemplatively, “So, you're at the bottom of the barrel, worst time of your life, and suddenly it seems like a good idea to go out with me. Is that it?”

“Something like that.”

“Pretty fucking romantic, Kev.”

Kevin chuckled, “Well, yeah, when you put it like that.”

“How would you put it?” 

“Different. And don't ask me how – you know I'm not good with words. Usually use the wrong ones.”

“I'll take my chances. How would you put it, Kev?”

“Uhm... well... okay,” Kevin took awhile to consider, “I guess I'd say that it took everything else – that I thought was so important – slipping away, to, uh... before I could see what was really important right under my nose.” He waited for a reaction, but Danny was silent. What he'd just said hadn't come out the way he'd wanted it to. “Told you I was-”

“Shut up, Kev.”

“Uh...”

“Pick me up at seven. Wear work clothes.”

“So it's-”

“Now I'm hungry. There's a Pizza-Hut.”

“Danny, I told you-”

“I like Pizza-Hut!”

“You're the boss...”

* * *

 

“I like thin crust, see? And the Thousand Island dressing. Pizza-Hut has the best Thousand Island dressing.”

“I hope no one sees us in here...”

“'Cuz of me?”

“No, because it's Pizza-Hut.”

“Get over it. Y'know what I'm thinking, Kev?”

“Uh, I think so, Danny – but where are we going to find rubber pants at this hour?”

“Ha ha. I think you're confused. I think you just want a friend, and because that happens to be me, you think it has to be boy-friend.”

“Hmm. It's possible, I guess.”

“I mean you're not really... like... attracted to me... Right?”

“You have nice legs. And a nice smile. And hair. And butt. And eyes. And-”

“All right, all right. Forget it.”

* * *

 

“But seriously. You haven't taken any controlled-substances, have ya?”

“No, Danny.”

“Too many energy-drinks? A lot of sugar?”

“Can I feel good if I want to? Jesus. I've been in total melt-down for... a long time. Ever since the morning after I picked you up at that bar. Gimme a break.”

“Don't say you 'picked me up at a bar'. It doesn't sound good. But anyway, yeah, I've sort of been meaning to ask you about that. How come you just disappeared like that?”

“I had to think about things.”

“Like?”

“You were one of 'em, Danny. But there were others. And once my grades started slipping again...”

“We'll take care of that. Come over tonight.”

“Uh... I appreciate that, but it's a little late. The state graduation test is next week. In Math. There'll be one every week for the next month.”

“It'll be okay, Kev. I know a secret.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. You're not dumb. You only think you are. I still haven't figured out why, though.”

“Well, maybe you haven't, but my Dad sure has – he's told me often enough.”

“Ah. Now I know why.”

* * *

 

“So where would you take me on a date, anyway?”

“Movie, dinner, park.”

“Uh... park? You want to park with me?”

“No, I meant THE park.”

“Oh.”

“Danny? I was kidding. Yes, I want to park with you.”

“Bastard. Okay, but change 'movie' to 'bookstore' or 'concert'.”

“Oh, that's right. You like that classical crap, don'tcha...”

“They have comic books at the bookstore, y'know. They have Archie and Veronica. Maybe you can find My Little Pony.”

“Bitch.”

“I can't believe you really wanna make out...”

“Want me to suck your dick? I think you got a cute dick.”

“You... Uh... Not until the third date, Kev.”

“Okay. This counts as one, though.”

“Does not!”

* * *

 

At the Habitat for Humanity site, Danny discovered that Kevin had an innate fear of power tools, which he found immensely funny. And a bit cute. For the most part, Kevin contented himself by volunteering for heavy-lifting, while Danny nail-gunned floor joists.

That evening, they got back to Danny's house - to continue Kevin's tutoring - too late for dinner, so Danny volunteered to make toaster waffles. He soon learned that Kevin could cook. And cook well. It was amazing – even the rice turned out perfectly! Every time Danny tried to make rice it came out either crispy or as mush. He was impressed.

The next day – Sunday – was to be their first date. Since Kevin didn't have any idea how to even look for a possible concert, it was dinner, bookstore, park. Dani went in drag. Kevin tried to tell her that it wasn't necessary as far as he was concerned, but Dani had insisted that it was “the real her”, so Kevin let it go. And besides, she was wearing the mini-skirt again. With a belly-baring shirt. Kevin thought she was “hawt”.

And finally, it was time to “park” at the Scenic Overlook. In the day-time, it would've been loaded with buses full of Leaf Lovers, but by dark, of course, it was deserted.

They got into the backseat of Kevin's Mustang. It was a little tense.

“So... here we are,” Dani said.

“Yeah,” Kevin replied. 

“You're having second thoughts about this, aren'tcha... It's okay, Kev. It feels kinna weird to me, too.”

“It's been a really fun night, Dani. I dunno why I'm suddenly... You look hawt in that outfit.”

She giggled, “That's the third time you've said that. Thanks. But I wish you'd find another word besides 'hawt'.”

“Well, it's a mini-skirt. Now, when you were wearing that black dress at Uncle Keith's... that was different.”

Dani's voice became very soft and her words slowed down as she said, “So... how did I look in that?”

Kevin's voice changed too - “Beautiful. You... uh... remember that kiss? I guess that was our first one...”

“I remember.” She was looking into his eyes. He was looking back.

“So do I.”

It happened again, and there was no panicking, this time.

* * *


	6. Passing

And it went on and on and on, too. And it was breathless. And it was – or at least, it was getting – passionate.

 

As Kevin nuzzled Dani's neck, she opened her eyes. It felt like he was fondling her left breast, somehow. She looked down to see that, in fact, that's exactly what he was doing. He even appeared to be trying to squeeze her nipple between his thumb and hand. He'd forgotten again. There _was_ no nipple there to squeeze. Dani closed her eyes and sighed. His mouth was grazing just below her ear now, his breathing blowing into her ear from his nose. It was... wonderful, but Kevin needed reminding of something. It might be important.

 

“Kev?”

 

He took no notice, and began brushing his lips on her earlobe.

 

“Kev? Hey... Wait a minute... Kevin...”

 

He came around to face her, and looked into her eyes in that way he had: “into” not “at”. His face was still kissing-close, though, not talking-distant. She cast her eyes downward as a signal to back off.

 

He knew how to read signals. “What...”

 

“There's... there's nothing there...” she said, looking down at his hand. His eyes followed hers.

 

“Oh. Oh yeah. Sorry... Here...” he began to slide his hand from her belly up under the top, but she grabbed it before he got too far.

 

“I think... maybe... that's enough for one night?”

 

He sat back in the seat and took a deep breath, “Yeah. Yeah, maybe you're right. Uh... hey. Wanna take a walk? There's a little path around the overlook, just under the wall there. Just to stretch our legs?”

 

“Uhm...” She was a little nervous at the idea. It was lonely and dark out there, and Kevin was obviously, well, getting excited.

 

“I won't try anything, Dani. Nothing's going to happen tonight. Promise. C'mon.”

 

“Well... okay. It _is_ pretty out...”

 

They each got out on their respective sides of the car, and Kevin walked over to her's and took her hand. “This way.”

 

A little bit behind him, Dani followed, and looked down at their enjoined hands. It meant so much to her. He'd done it so casually, like it was no big deal, like it was natural. That was a little different from making-out in the backseat, because doing that is what they'd come there to do in the first place. He'd taken her hand like it was just the thing to do. She squeezed lightly, and he squeezed back without saying anything or slowing down, the communication non-verbal but easy. Wow.

 

He'd probably forgotten again. Damn. That must be it.

 

They reached a clearing halfway along the path, where they could see the moonlight glancing blue-grey off the mountains. It was absolutely silent – even the crickets were already gone for the coming winter. No breeze rustled the leaves. She came up beside Kevin, touching, and leaned her head against his, and he wrapped an arm around her waist. Neither of them had said anything the whole time.

 

“What is it, Dani... What's wrong?” He didn't know how he knew. And it didn't even occur to him to wonder about it.

 

“I'm not a girl, Kevin. Sorry.”

 

She'd might as well have said 'Purple saxophones only bloom in Iceland', it made so little sense. “What? I thought I told you-”

 

“I know what you told me, and I appreciate it. But I know you'd... like me more... if I were a girl.”

 

“Jesus. You 'know' no such thing. And you call _me_ stupid.” Dani was starting to be a tad frustrating about this.

 

She removed her head from his, and stepped away to face him, “I do NOT call you stupid...”

 

“You have before.”

 

“Well... that was... I didn't know any better, okay? God, Kevin... do you remember every damn thing I say?”

 

“Pretty much.”

 

He did? He actually... whoa. “Uh... well... sometimes I don't mean what I say...”

 

He chuckled, “And you say you're not a girl.”

 

“You know what I meant.”

 

He looked at her as she stood there, challenging him, and for the first time it occurred to him, _Does she even know “what she is”?_ The question made him think of Dani in a new light. He'd always assumed that she had it all together, that she knew herself, even if she had problems explaining it to other people. What if she didn't actually know? What if she was as much as mystery to herself as she was to him? Well, he wasn't going to be much help there. But then, he didn't care. Dani was Danny was a boy and was a girl, at different times, and at the same time, too. It didn't make sense, but then, it didn't need to. But... how to make her see that...

 

“Dani – next time we go on a date, I think you should... I mean, don't come... I mean, just come as a guy, okay? You don't have to _act_ like one, just come as one. I want to make you see that it doesn't matter.”

 

“I already know it matters.”

 

Yup. This wasn't going to be easy. Kevin forced his frustration down with a mighty effort - “Will you do it?”

 

“I guess, if you insist. Be prepared for some stares, though.”

 

“Every time two guys do something in public doesn't mean they're gay, Dani.”

 

“Maybe, but you said I was obvious.”

 

“Uh... you remember that? Well... I didn't know any better then, either.”

 

She'd been shocked to find out that Kevin actually listened to her, now she was charmed to see that he'd been surprised by the same thing – that she'd listened to him. “So... you take it back about me being so obvious, then?”

 

“I take it back.”

 

She giggled, and pecked him on the cheek. Then she looked at him brightly, half-smiling, with the moon shining off her eyes and hair. _Like a picture she was standing there..._ Kevin remembered a song from before he was born.

 

“C'mere...” Kevin said, reaching for him. Her. Whatever.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Monday:

 

“Okay, I made something for you in my free period today. Here.” Danny handed him a ripped-out spiral notebook page, covered top to bottom with neatly-written formulas.

 

“A cheat-sheet?”

 

“Sort of. Start copying it.”

 

“Copying it? What for? Uh... okay, you got a copier or scanner somewhere?”

 

“Yes, I do, but you're going to copy it by hand.”

 

“WHAT? Danny... there's... there must be fifty-”

 

“Sixty-five. Go ahead and get started. I have to make up a test for you.”

 

“I really think it's a little late for all this cramming... Look, so I'll be a year behind. Who cares?”

 

“ _I_ care, Kev! My god, you really are ready to give up, aren't you... Well, I'm not. You're going to graduate high school whether you like it or not. It's gonna be hard, Kev. These are going to be some long nights.”

 

“Hmm. Maybe we can take breaks and think of other things to do...”

 

“Kevin – you can just forget about that, at least until after the Maths test. I kid you not, mister, there's no time for it. Start copying.”

 

“You can be kinna harsh, you know that?”

 

“ _START COPYING!_ ”

 

“Jesus Christ! Okay already...”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Okay. I copied it. Now what?”

 

“Copy it again.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“And keep copying it until you have it memorized. You may have to do it ten times. Maybe more.”

 

“MEMORIZE IT?!”

 

“Yeah. Look, Kev, I know it seems scary, but it's not really so hard. Just keep copying it. After about the fourth time it starts getting easier.”

 

“Forget it, Danny. No way.”

 

“Kevin – who's the smart one here?”

 

“Well... you are.”

 

“Who is it that's taking their _own_ time to get you through this?”

 

“Uhm... you...”

 

“And do you ever want go on another date?”

 

“... All right. Fine. Hey Danny... why do you care? I mean... what's it to you whether I graduate or not?”

 

Danny sighed. “Just start copying, Kev. I'm gonna go change into my – hey. Wait'll you see what my Mom bought me.”

 

“What?”

 

“Start copying.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Whaddaya think? Cool, huh?” Danny said, stepping into the room in her new night-shirt – an over-sized football jersey that came down almost to her knees. White, but with pink hems and lettering.

 

“ _Dude_! Your Mom bought you a night-gown?”

 

“Yeah. I know, I couldn't believe it either. It gets worse, though. I think she's going through this whole 'dress up my new daughter' thing... she keeps wanting me to look at catalogs and stuff. You know how long it took me to _stop_ her from buying all my clothes? Now I gotta go through that all over again.”

 

“Whoa... that's rough. Hey, at least ya got something to talk about now. Told ya she'd be cool with it.”

 

“Yeah. I know you did... Uh, anyway, ya like it?”

 

“It's cute. Kinna long, though.”

 

“You're such a perv. What copy are you on now?”

 

“Six. I can actually do some of 'em without looking. But Dani... what are the odds that any one of these formulas will be the one I need for a question?”

 

“You can figure out the others from these. We'll get to that tomorrow. Just keep copying.”

 

“Y'know... you have awfully pretty feet, for a guy.”

 

“Kev - turn around, focus, copy.”

 

“Just sayin'.”

 

“Pervert.”

 

“Skank.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Tuesday:

 

“Kevin... geez. You _know_ this stuff. What's your problem?”

 

“I get nervous during tests, Danny. Always have.”

 

“How come?”

 

“Oh, real good question. I hadn't thought of asking that one. By golly – yes. Why indeed?”

 

“It's the time thing, isn't it... Here, let's do it again. And no time-limit. And no one's gonna see it but me, okay? It's not like you'll have to show your Dad or anything.”

 

“Danny... I _really_ hate taking tests...”

 

“But you enjoyed copying the formulas?”

 

“Well... I liked it when you were explaining stuff to me. It all makes sense when you say it, but as soon as you stop, I'm like, 'now, what'd he say?'”

 

“Get started. I'm gonna make up another one, too.”

 

“This is _not_ fun.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Wednesday – the day before the test.

 

“Kev... I've been thinking, maybe you should... quit football?”

 

“Already did. Dad's gonna kill me.”

 

“You already did?”

 

“Yeah. I'm not the only one. David McDougal did too. He's cramming just like me.”

 

“Well... good. But wow. I thought you were pretty into it.”

 

“I was. But, y'know, ya gotta have priorities. It's a game. Really, it's been more like work than fun, lately. Coach is an asshole.”

 

“But he wins.”

 

“Ain't worth it.”

 

“Yeah. Maybe I should quit, too.”

 

“You don't have to just because I did, Danny. You like it, don'tcha?”

 

“Well... yeah... Won't be the same without you there, though.”

 

“Keep at it, Danny. But don't go in for it next year, I say.”

 

“The truth is, Kev... uhm... I'd kind of rather be with you...”

 

“Aww. You're such a sap.”

 

“I knew you'd say something like that. Okay. So, think ya got Conic Sections down?”

 

“Conic Sections are coming out my fucking ears, Danny. I eat parabolas and shit obtuse angles.”

 

“Don't be gross.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

“Are the tests getting any easier?”

 

“Well, yeah, now that I've seen 'em about a hundred times each. But you're not timing me.”

 

“You're finishing in an average of half an hour now, Kevin.”

 

“I am?”

 

“Just stop worrying about the time. You got all the time in the world. I know it sounds weird, but if you just sorta _act_ like it's true, then it becomes true.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“You may pick up your pencils... now. Begin.”

 

_Fuck. I fucking hate tests. Name... Date – what the hell IS the date, oh yeah. I wonder how much time is left? Fuck man... look at all these fucking pages. There's no fucking way. And I'm wasting time thinking about it, too. Fuck fuck FUCK! I'll never finish. All right, to hell with it. I got all the time in the world, huh? Fine. I'll just do what I can. Fucking tests._

 

Forty-two minutes later:

 

_Huh? Last page? Well, let's look at those ones I skipped. I wonder how much time is left? Ohwell, when he says stop, I'll stop._

 

Ten minutes to go:

 

_Well, Christ. I guess I might as well go through 'em all again, see if I fucked up anything obvious..._

 

Two minutes to go:

 

_How come everyone's still workin' like that? Damn, people – it wasn't THAT hard. Well, I guess I could look at that natural logarithm one again... nothing else to do... Lessee. If I took the log of both sides – wait a minute. That would equal 1. Damn, that simplifies things, dunnit... okay..._

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Danny! I passed!” Kevin yelled through the crowd around the bulletin-board.

 

“You did? Seriously? That... that's great, Kevin! Uh... can I see you in here for a second?” Danny opened the door to a deserted classroom and went in without waiting. Kevin followed him wondering what the hell was going on.

 

Once inside, Danny slammed the door and bear-hugged Kevin so fast and hard that he lifted the bigger boy off the floor.

 

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I _knew_ you could do it! I _knew_ it! Kevin! EEEEEEEEEE!”

 

Kevin recovered himself and began to laugh, “Jesus Christ, Danny...”

 

“Shut up and let me be happy for you! EEEEEEEEEEEE!”

 

“Yes, ma'am. I guess this means I owe you a Pizza-Hut...”

 

 

* * *

 

 

They ate at Pizza-Hut, rented a movie, and sat up on Danny's bed to watch it. Eventually, they snuggled. But that was all. They fell asleep. It had been a long series of long days, after all.

 

The next state-wide test would in History, and Kevin didn't have a problem with that. It was basically just reading, and seeing how people used other people to further their own goals. While he found it distasteful, at least he could intuit what was going on. People – especially those in power – have always been greedy, self-serving, assholes. Once that was understood, it was really just a matter of who screwed-over whom and how.

 

Perhaps because that was the area of his night-time studies now, it didn't really come as a surprise when he was kidnapped.

 

He was walking towards his car in the school parking lot. An old station-wagon with tinted windows was parked in front of it. As kidnappings go, it was a simple operation – two men in ordinary clothes simply grabbed Kevin as he was winding between the cars, shoved him into the station-wagon, and drove off. He tried to put up a fight, but the men were trained. He didn't have a chance.

 

And Danny, on his way to meet him, saw it all from a distance.

 

Kevin was taken to an office-park near downtown. An office-park? He wasn't hooded or tied, either, his only restraint was the two thugs walking on either side, holding his arms. More like police than criminals. That's when Kevin began to realize that things were probably not what they seemed. What kind of kidnappers worked out of an office?

 

He wasn't surprised when he was shoved into a well-appointed office and found Uncle Keith sitting there.

 

“I should have known”, Kevin said. It was just he and the old man in the office now. Kevin had never been there before. He strolled up to one of the glass-enclosed book-cases and examined the knick-knacks in silence, just to piss his Uncle off.

 

“Word is you're quitting football, and failing classes. True?” Uncle Keith's voice was severe – but mixed with something else Kevin couldn't quite make out.

 

“True enough. Don't worry, I'll graduate from the damned school though. Tell Dad 'tough shit' about the football part.”

 

“From the grades I have here, I don't see how it's possible for you to graduate. The state exams will-”

 

“Yeah, well I just passed the one I was worried about,” he said, opening the door to one of the bookcases, “This is nice. Is it real? Looks Aztec or something.”

 

“Incan. Please put it back, it's an artifact I picked up in-”

 

The clay figure fell from Kevin's hand onto the inlaid granite floor and shattered. “Oops.”

 

“That cost me twenty thousand dollars, Kevin...”

 

“Shoulda got two, then.” He went over to another case, crunching pieces of Incan history under his shoes.

 

Uncle Keith was rather astounded at Kevin's behavior. Usually the boy was a fawning sycophant - “yes, sir”, “no, sir”, “what can I do to get on your good side, sir”. Now he was just plain arrogant. Of course, he had reason to be upset, what with the faux-kidnapping and all. Still, it wasn't what he'd expected of Kevin. He couldn't decide whether it was a good thing or not. Was Kevin just another teenage jerk-off, or had he discovered his balls, somehow...

 

“Your father and I think it's time you grew up, Kevin. Take responsibility. Learn how to knuckle-down. Quitting isn't part of that.”

 

“Neither are my father and you. I'll be eighteen in a month, y'know. Whatever you're gonna do, you'd better do it quick.”

 

There was obviously going to be no frightening Kevin into submission, it appeared. So this was going to be a new experience, then. Uncle Keith needed more information.

 

“Tell me – this test you were so worried about... what was the subject?”

 

“Maths. This doesn't look Incan...”

 

“Olmec. Kevin, don't-” another figurine crashed to the floor before he could finish the sentence.

 

“Whoops. I'm a real butterfingers. Sorry.”

 

“Mind telling me _how_ you passed the Maths exam, Kevin? This says you're failing your math course miserably.”

 

“I have a tutor. A good one.” Kevin picked up yet another figurine – it looked like a boar's face on a man's body. “Olmec?”

 

“My dear nephew, if you don't-”

 

Suddenly, the office's double doors slammed open - “KEVIN!” Danny yelled, “There you are! I've called the police so... uh...” Uncle Keith was staring at him. “Uh... Uncle Keith... uh... hi...”

 

The two thugs came up behind Danny, twisting his arms behind him, “Sorry about that sir – he's a fast one, whoever he is. C'mon son, let's have a little chat outside, eh?”

 

“Wait. Just a moment, gentlemen,” Uncle Keith tried to put the pieces together. Dani? No, surely this boy was... a twin brother? No, no, whoever it was knew his name. Had called him 'Uncle Keith', even. The boy could only be Dani. But why was she dressed in the male-version of the St. Augustine's uniform? Some weird sort of sexual role-playing? She didn't strike him as that kind of girl...

 

Hold on...

 

“Oh... Oh dear. Oh dear me...” Uncle Keith said, nearly laughing, “No, uhm... Thank you for your services, gentleman. I believe... I can handle it from here.”

 

“You sure about that, sir?”

 

“Yes. Yes, I'm sure. You may release D – uh, the young man. Please close the doors as you leave. Thank you.”

 

Kevin and Uncle Keith continued staring at Danny as he stood there wide-eyed in front of the doors, wondering what he should say now. Finally, he settled on “Uh... I really did call the police. I didn't know that this was...”

 

“Ah, yes. Thank you for reminding me, Dani. That is – what should I call you?”

 

“Daniel. I guess.”

 

“Daniel then. I should take care of that. Please, have a seat. Kevin, you too.”

 

Danny looked from Uncle Keith to Kevin over by the bookcases. Kevin was smiling, but with that same hint of evil he'd had in his eyes when they'd first met.

 

“Danny! My hero!” Kevin shouted, and went over to the other boy and put his arms around him, “You saved me from my Uncle's evil clutches! Oh, how can I ever repay you? Wait. Maybe like this?” Kevin proceeded to plant is mouth right on the other boy's surprised face. And stayed there, grinding their lips together, pulling Danny tight with his arms, stroking his pony-tail with his hand. Putting on a show for Uncle Keith. That oughta shock the old man.

 

Then he took Danny by the hand and they both sat in burgundy-colored leather chairs in front of the desk. Uncle Keith had just finished explaining to the police chief about the “kidnapping”, while watching the two boys kiss. He carefully sat the phone on it's cradle and contemplated Danny and Kevin in front of him.

 

He contemplated for a long time...

 

“So, would this be your tutor, Kevin?” he eventually asked.

 

“That's right” Kevin said, trying to pack as much challenge into those two words as he could.

 

“And you passed the Maths exam, you say...”

 

“He got an 86!” Danny said, unable to hide his excitement about it, even under these conditions.

 

“An 86? Well, well. No cheating?”

 

“No!” both Danny and Kevin said simultaneously.

 

“I see.”

 

“You see what, exactly?” Kevin read evil meaning into everything the man said.

 

Danny said through clenched lips, “Kevin!”

 

Kevin looked over, “What... We don't need to be polite to this old fart anymore, Danny, he's just gonna-”

 

Still smiling at Uncle Keith – as though that would keep him from hearing – Danny said, “Shut the hell _up_ , Kev!”

 

“But-”

 

“ _Kev!_ ” Danny kept smiling the whole time.

 

Kevin shut up, but slumped in his chair, sulking.

 

Uncle Keith observed it all closely. It seemed incredible, yet all his instincts told him it was true. This was the person to turn Kevin around. Already _had_ turned Kevin around, apparently. This was the person who found Kevin's balls... Daniel. Dani.

 

Amazing.

 

Intriguing, unexpected, and certainly unusual, too. But most of all, amazing.

 

He was just about to break into a grin when his phone rang. He picked it up without taking his eyes off the two boys.

 

“Hello- Yes, he's here now. No, I don't think it scared him. At all. I'd appreciate it if you didn't call them 'thugs', Robert – they're bodyguards. Yes. Yes. No. Robert – I think he has better things to do than play football, I don't understand why you're so obsessed with that. No. No - in fact, I think he has matters well in hand.”

 

Danny and Kevin exchanged glances, and Uncle Keith continued talking to Kevin's father -

 

“I think you jumped the gun, Robert. No, I'd say you're going to have a hard time making him do anything at all. Yes, I see. Well, you do what you think is right, brother-of-mine. And I will do the same. Yes. Goodbye, Robert.”

 

Even across the expanse of the desk, Kevin could hear his father continuing to rant as Uncle Keith hung up on him.

 

Kevin was sitting bolt-upright in his chair now, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. It almost sounded like... Had he mis-read Uncle Keith so completely?

 

“That was your father, Kevin.”

 

“Yeah. Uh... Yes, sir. You... you didn't tell him-”

 

“Tell him what? I can't think of anything he needs to know... Can you?”

 

“Uh...” Kevin said.

 

“Daniel – I apologize for the charade of kidnapping my nephew. I never thought it was a good idea in the first place. I hope I'll be able to make it up to you, somehow.”

 

“Uh...” Danny said.

 

“Now Kevin,” Uncle Keith said, opening a drawer in his desk, “things may go... poorly... when you get home. You are only my nephew – not my son – so there isn't much I can do about it. I'm sorry. But I can do this,” he handed a key-ring across the desk, setting it in front of a still-stupefied Kevin. “It's one of the apartments I keep in town for important guests. You may feel free to use it if you... need to.”

 

“You... uh... Thank you. And... sorry about the... stuff...”

 

“Really? Well good... Then we've established that you 'owe me'.” Uncle Keith finally did chuckle, “Perhaps I may ask a favor of you one day. In the mean time,” he got up from his chair and stretched his legs, “I believe I'm in the mood for barbecue. Or perhaps Thai. Would you two care to join me?”

 

Again, Danny and Kevin just said, “Uh...”

 

 

* * *

 


	7. Intimacy

“Your uncle is really cool, Kev. You're lucky” Danny said once they'd retrieved their cars and met at his house. It was already six o'clock.

 

“Yeah. That was ... freaky. He never even said anything about... you know...”

 

“About us. I know – you don't really expect old people to be cool. Seems weird when they are. So... Anyway. I think we can back off on the tutoring for a day, Kev” Danny said with a note of sadness. He pitied Kevin – from the way his father had been ranting on the phone, it sounded like there was going to be quite a scene when Kevin returned. “I guess you have things to take care of at home...”

 

“Fuck that. I'm in no hurry. Your Mom home?”

 

“Uh... meeting in Seattle. Back tomorrow around noon” Danny answered, wondering – and a little fearing – why Kevin had asked. He'd been behaving strangely since they'd had dinner with Uncle Keith. Actually, he'd been a little strange even then. And didn't he have business to attend to with his Dad?

 

“Ah. So, uhm, can I come in?”

 

Danny couldn't very well say _No, I'm afraid of what might happen..._ although he was – a little. So instead, he said, “Yeah, c'mon in. Wanna play Doom again? I'll just use the pistol. But you can't pick up any Health Spheres, if we do that.”

 

“Yeah... yeah, okay.” They went in.

 

They both hung up their jackets on the hall coat-rack. Then Danny went ahead and changed clothes into something more comfortable – but he decided not to go with anything feminine. Instead, he put on old pair of shorts and a plain white t-shirt. Kevin also took his shirt off in Danny's bedroom and laid it over the back of the desk chair. He decided to go ahead and wrinkle up the pants – it was their second day, so they were due for laundry and pressing anyway.

 

They set up the game, and sat cross-legged next to each other on Danny's bed.

 

Danny had just killed the other boy off for the first time when Kevin set down his controller, stretched out his legs, and pulled Danny over on top of him.

 

Not a word was spoken. They began kissing, their tongues meeting and sliding over and under each other. Danny was surprised, but at the same time... well, it was good, so he just let it happen. Maybe it would be okay. They'd kissed like this before, and nothing had happened... Their breaths began huffing from their noses – it wasn't taking very long. The previous week had been work, work, work, and in such close proximity to each other, with so much unspoken and un-done, that both of them felt a kind of desperation for this contact. Kevin's hands roamed Danny's body to places they'd never been before – under his shirt and onto his bare chest, down the back of his shorts...

 

When Kevin pushed him back and hurriedly pulled Danny's t-shirt up over his head, Danny finally had time to recover himself and wonder just what – exactly – Kevin had in mind. He wasn't sure he was ready for this, whatever “this” might be. For one thing – he wasn't in drag. And this wasn't Peter Kopp. And... there was the other, secret thing that Kevin didn't know about... Even besides all that he still didn't really believe that Kevin could be attracted to him “as a boy”. Because _he_ didn't feel sexy unless he was wearing girl's clothes, he couldn't understand how anyone _else_ could find him that way, either. He looked at Kevin's face for clues once his shirt was off, and what he saw there both melted his heart and chilled his spine, at the same time.

 

Kevin wanted him. Bad.

 

Danny didn't get the chance to think about what that meant before Kevin's mouth was back on his, his hands once again roaming over Danny's bare back and chest, his fingers stopping sometimes to fondle and squeeze Danny's nipples. _Oh god..._ he thought, _he has no idea what that does to me..._

 

That was true – Kevin didn't know. Nor did he really care. Kevin was _horny_ , and just didn't care. It didn't hurt that what was going on would postpone the inevitable show-down with his father, either. He was dreading that. And loving this. It wasn't hard to choose. Consciously, Kevin wasn't really aware of Danny's gender - Danny really was just Danny to him – maybe he was a girl, maybe he was a boy. Maybe he was a little of both. Actually, the “boy” part was kind of a turn on - it was so... naughty. And that would surely piss his father off. So it was a win-win situation. And he needed release.

 

For Danny, it wasn't “release” that he needed as much as simple physical intimacy – it had been a long time since Peter Kopp in tenth grade. In fact, Danny had _never_ felt “release” - and so didn't need what he didn't know about in the first place. But he knew what he did need. He broke off from Kevin's mouth and lifted the other boy's undershirt up to his neck, then began trailing kisses down Kevin's chest, diverging over to each of his nipples, then back down his belly. Danny could feel Kevin's erection – had been feeling it for some time. The boy was throbbing.

 

Kevin needed him, and Danny needed to be needed.

 

But was Kevin actually ready? Danny wondered about it as he nuzzled Kevin's belly-button, ready to begin opening the uniform trousers the other boy still wore. It was one thing to kiss and fondle – not that either of them had actually fondled _that_ yet – but to actually do it? Would Kevin consider being given head as “sex”? Would it occur to him, if it did, that he'd be having “sex” with another guy? Just as Kevin had said that Danny was “obviously gay”, Danny thought of Kevin as “obviously straight”. Danny had tried to feel him out about it - making remarks about various “hot” guys they'd see on movie-posters, or on tv, or at school. All he ever got back was either a look of _you're so weird_ or a snide remark like “Jesus, Danny, you're SO gay...” And yet, Kevin really did treat Danny like a boyfriend. It was... odd.

 

So Danny wondered about that, but didn't stop what he was doing. He couldn't stop, not when Kevin seemed so... achingly ready. He could only hope for the best as he pulled down Kevin's pants. To do that, Kevin had to lift his butt up off the bed, so at least... well, so far so good. All the lights were green.

 

Kevin's penis was making a tent out of his boxers, so it wasn't hard to find the fly in them and get it out. He gripped it firmly, Kevin grunted, and Danny prepared to scoot up a little to position himself better when the first words were spoken:

 

“Danny... Danny, wait a sec.,,”

 

A tinge of despair ran through Danny's mind. Was it going to end before it began?

 

Kevin reached down and picked up the trousers that Danny had set aside on the bed. He fished out his billfold. He pulled out a condom.

 

Danny sighed, his hand still gripping Kevin's shaft. Well, at least Kev wasn't changing his mind, he'd only wanted to get a condom. So that was a relief. He didn't really want Kevin to put it on, but was afraid to say anything about it – it had been so ingrained into them. Safe sex, safe sex, safe sex. Did Kevin have a _reason_ to wear it? Was Kevin afraid _for_ Danny, or _of_ Danny... neither seemed plausible, but neither question would go away. This was awkward. It was ruining the moment. He removed his hand as Kevin began rolling it down – turning the beautiful penis into a plastic-covered neon-bright purple test-tube. Isolating himself from Danny. _Fuck..._

 

Once it was on, Kevin leaned back against the headboard and pillows again, and just said, “Okay.”

 

Danny slid his lips over the rubber, closing his eyes. It tasted like watermelon. _Fucking watermelon... God-damn it..._ This wasn't what Danny had wanted – if it had been, he might as well have sucked-off a banana, or a cucumber, or a... Watermelon. Gawd. Well, he'd carry on anyway. Kevin would want him too. He was already making little whining noises and moaning. Danny would do it, just for Kevin's sake. To satisfy Kevin's need, even if meant that his own would be...

 

No.

 

No, by god, he would _not!_ He hadn't gone this far to suck on a piece of god-damned rubber with Kevin inside. Fuck that! He pulled his mouth off and began rolling the condom right back up.

 

“D- Danny?”

 

“What...” he said gruffly, in no mood to hear about “safe sex” yet again.

 

“Are... are you sure?”

 

Without looking up at him, he said, “Kev... _this-_ ” he pulled what remained of the rubber off Kevin's cock with a snap, “isn't what I want from you, okay? This is what I want...” He put Kevin back into his mouth.

 

_Holy cow, Danny_ , Kevin thought, feeling someone actually making contact with him there for the first time,  _'feels the same as nothing at all' my ass... Holy GOD!_ Those were the last words he would think, for awhile.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It only took a few minutes, if that. Kevin bucked at first, and then squirmed for a long time, until Danny felt his body relax, little by little, and then finally the legs that were squeezing his ribs so tightly released and sunk back down on the bed. Kevin's breath was still spasming, though, so Danny kept going, until finally the other boy started to go limp in his mouth. He laid down flat on his belly between Kevin's legs, resting his head on the rising and falling stomach, while Kevin absentmindedly stroked Danny's hair. Danny closed his eyes, and let himself be saturated to the core by the feeling of closeness, of sharing. It washed over him, and through him.

 

They had each needed different things, but had received what they'd needed by the same act. They both would have been surprised to learn that, though.

 

Kevin was still dazed, his leg-muscles still trembling. The feeling was not unpleasant. He could feel his whole body at once, as if he'd reached some sort of metaphysical sensory plateau. He felt Danny's breath on his abdomen, the weight of his head there, the warmth of the boy's chest between his legs. That had to have been the best blow-job _ever_! Was it the lack of a condom? Was it the stress of the preceding week? Was Danny just an excellent dick-sucker? Whatever the case, man, that had been something, all right. Holy fucking hell.

 

And Danny had taken the rubber off! None of the girls he'd had blow-jobs from had ever done that. That meant... Danny must have swallowed. Wow. He must really, _really_ love dick... Cool. That was kind of sweet, in fact, that he'd get into it that much.

 

He opened his eyes and looked down at the tangle of Danny's long brown hair at his stomach. He pulled some of that hair out of the way so he could see the boy's face. Danny nuzzled against his skin a little in response to the attention. He looked so serene. Danny _looked_ like Kevin _felt_. Kevin stared in wonder at that, until something occurred to him -

 

Yes, _Kevin_ felt released, but that hadn't done much for Danny. He would be expecting Kevin to return the favor now. Expecting him to suck _his_ dick! _Shit... shit, shit, shit-shit-shit-SHIT!_

 

Danny felt Kevin's muscles tense, heard his heart-beat quicken. _Here it comes_ , he thought. He wasn't ready for the peaceful intimacy to end – he'd _never_ be ready for this to end – but he knew it would have to. It didn't really matter, yet, why; whether it was that Kevin had just realized that'd he'd had gay sex, or whether he was anxious to give Danny head – unlikely as that might be, or nervous about giving Danny head, or trying to figure out how to get _out_ of giving Danny head... Whatever, it was going to kill the joy. It always did. It had with Peter, and now it would with Kevin.

 

He held on just a bit longer, trying to absorb as much of the moment as he could before it ended. He held on until Kevin finally said, “Uh...”

 

Danny tried the one thing at his disposal at that moment – knowing it wouldn't work. “Kevin... you don't have to do anything to me. It's okay.”

 

Kevin dismissed what Danny had said out-of-hand – it wasn't possible. Sex is not a one-way thing. If someone makes _you_ come, you make _them_ come. It's a rule. That's how it works. Kevin was going to _have_ to do to Danny what Danny had done to him. And without a rubber, too. _Oh god..._ The very thought disgusted him.

 

Kevin really did think that Danny had a nice-looking penis. But that didn't mean he wanted it in his _mouth_! No joking around now. God... How was he going to get out of it without being a complete and total asshole? WAS there even a way? He didn't think so. Shit.

 

“Danny... I... uh...” as usual for Kevin, he spoke before he knew what he was going to say, “I gotta go.” He winced, preparing for the well-deserved onslaught of outrage.

 

“Yeah, okay Kev. I know you got stuff to do” Danny said, getting up to sit on the edge of the bed, “I'll see ya after school. All right?”

 

“Yeah. Right.” Kevin was astounded – he didn't sound mad or... or ANYTHING! But he didn't have time to think about it. He had to get the hell out of there – before Danny came to his senses. “Uhm... Look, I'm sorry about-”

 

“It's okay. I'm... I'm gonna... get ready for bed, I guess. Practice tomorrow, y'know.”

 

Putting his clothes back on just as fast as he could in order to escape the situation – the situation in which Kevin was the Asshole Bastard yet again, and hating himself for it – Kevin only grunted and made a string of excuses about the world of shit he was going to get from his father.

 

He talked about it until he was out the door. It was better than talking about... the other thing.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Around 1 am that morning, Kevin sat in his car alone, parked at the edge of the Albertson's lot, just for lack of a better place to be. He hated his father. He hadn't been so much “kicked out of the house” as simply told that he was unwelcome there. And always would be. Why? For having sex with another boy? He hadn't even told his father about that. For failing school? He wasn't _going_ to fail school. No, the Big Deal for his Dad had been him quitting football. In the year when it looked like the team might go to the Regionals. That was all. Fucking idiot. Yeah, ten years down the road, even less – even ONE, for that matter – who the fuck was going to care that St. Augustine's football team had made it to the Regionals. Or even if it were Nationals. Seriously – who the fuck was going to care?

 

Oh yeah. The recruiters. Well, fuck man... Yeah, go on to college football, where they _really_ take it seriously. Wouldn't _that_ be great. And the Pros? Where what was supposed to be a _game_ was actually Big Business? Suddenly that life didn't seem so noble, after all.

 

He tried to concentrate on that in an effort to keep his mind off Danny. It wasn't working, though, and images of him kept playing in his mind, especially how Danny's face had looked snuggling against his belly. After having just sucked his dick. Bare.

 

And he thought about how he'd run out on him afterward. Because he didn't want to return the favor. Well, maybe “favor” wasn't the right word. What then? Courtesy? Service? A little voice in the back of his brain seemed to be making fun of him. Kevin ignored it. He had bigger problems than little voices. Like that he couldn't imagine ever facing Danny again, now that'd he'd shown his true colors. He knew he'd have to, though, because -

 

Because... Well, because he still needed tutoring. Yeah.

 

No.

 

Goddamnit...

 

_Why is it always ME that needs HIM all the time? (Don't be stupid) Why can't he ever... why can't I be... why can't it just be FAIR!? (Fair? What do you mean?) Dammit, Danny, why do you even LIKE me? Is it really just because you're gay and I happen to be a guy? (You can't possibly be THAT stupid, Kevin...) Because you like dick so much? (YOUR dick, you thick bastard, not just “dick”)_

 

Kevin sat a little straighter in his Mustang's bucket seat. _Huh?_

 

_(He doesn't just like “dick”. He likes YOU. And you HAVE a dick.)_

 

Things began to click. Nevermind that Kevin didn't know _why_ Danny liked him – he obviously did. Liked him enough to give him head. Well, Danny was gay, after all, so nothing weird about that... but, to take the rubber off like that? To say, “ _this_ is what I want from you” before putting his mouth over Kevin's bare penis? To swallow his cum? _(To make a part of you a part of himself, maybe?)_. Kevin's eyes grew wide.

 

_To spend almost all of his free time tutoring MY sorry ass?_

 

_To be so overjoyed because I passed a test?_

 

_To track me down and bust into my uncle's office thinking I'd been kidnapped?_

 

_To CARE so much about whether or not I graduate?_

 

Kevin was finally figuring it out. He pounded his hands against the steering-wheel with each unspoken syllable -

 

_HE FUCKING - LOVES! - ME..._

 

The voice wasn't done yet, though.

 

_(and you?)_

 

_Me?_

 

_(you.)_

 

_I... I fucking love him... too._

 

_(yes.)_

 

_God help me... I do. I do! I FUCKING LOVE HIM!_

 

_(her.)_

 

_Whatever!_

 

 

* * *

 


	8. Love

Kevin didn’t know what do to after his epiphany – he felt too guilty to go back to Danny’s, and was still too angry at his father to return home. He fished out the key Uncle Keith had given him. Might as well check it out, even if he only had a fistful of hours to sleep.

 

It was a fairly nice apartment, in a complex not too far from his uncle’s downtown office. One bedroom, living room, two bathrooms, a kitchen, but nothing in the fridge except a few bottles of water. Sort of like a nice hotel – but without the honor-bar full of $10-a-can domestic beer. He flopped down on the bed and was asleep in no time. Between Danny and his father, it had been a long day.

 

Danny, on the other hand, didn’t sleep so well. He still didn’t know what Kevin’s problem was – and feared for the worst. Damned Kevin… he could be so cool with something one minute, then turn around one-eighty the next, it seemed. The best times were always when Danny was a girl. Well, usually. On that date, or at the funeral… or even at dinner with Uncle Keith… Wait. He hadn’t been a girl at dinner with Uncle Keith. Oh, yeah, that’s right. He hadn’t been a girl for the blow-job, either, or the making-out leading up to it, such as it was.

 

Could he be wrong about needing to be a girl for Kevin to like him? This was why he was having a hard time going to sleep.

 

Next day – Thursday – Kevin naturally over-slept. They didn’t see each other during the school-day - Seniors had a different dining hall than everyone else - and by the time Kevin went looking for Danny’s car after school, it was already gone. He sighed, looking at the empty space where Danny usually parked. So who was avoiding whom _now_ , eh? Well… Danny had good cause. Kevin had given it to him. Fuck. That sucked. No... no, more than that – that _hurt_.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Something wrong, honey?” Danny’s mother asked, finding him staring off into space in front of the tv.

 

“Huh? Oh. Oh, no… I was just watching… uh, an infomercial for some kind of blender, apparently…”

 

“I thought that was odd. Sure you don’t want to talk about it?”

 

“No, Mom. I’m fine,” Danny replied, flipping through the channels.

 

“It’s not… It’s not a boy, is it…” she said nervously.

 

Danny sighed – mothers could be _so_ exasperating, “If it were, Mom, I really wouldn’t want to talk about it with you, anyway. Okay?”

  
“I can understand that. It’d be an… odd... feeling for me too. But I _do_ know a thing or two about boys. I married one. They can be idiots, sometimes.”

 

“Got that right.”

 

“So it is a boy.”

 

“Mom! I said-“

 

“Boys are very much the problem-solvers, honey. They think ‘point A to point B, got it’ and then they don’t think anything else because the problem – as they see it – is solved. And when they’re wrong about that, it gets them all flustered and mad, especially if you point it out to them. And they always seem to be in a hurry to get things done, for reasons they never want to explain. Like the way they wolf down their food. Ever notice that? Sometimes they really can try your patience... Is it serious?”

 

“Mom…” Danny prepared to declare his intention of not telling her about it again, then sighed and changed his mind, “I don’t know how serious it is, all right? That’s sort of the problem.”

 

“Ah. Yeah,” she said, taking a deep breath, “yeah, that’s usually the way it is with 'em. And it happens over and over and over… uhm, sorry – we’re supposed to be talking about you, aren’t we…”

 

He looked over at his mother. She had relationship problems? His _mother_? He turned off the tv. “Mom? Is… is everything okay?”

 

“Oh, don’t worry honey – there are just some things you learn to live with. About men, I mean. So, this… boyfriend of yours. Anyone I know? What’s he like?”

 

“It’s Kevin, Mom. I know I said he wasn’t before, and at that time - no, he wasn’t. But since then… well, I dunno, the situation changed. I’m not sure how much. I… I’m not even sure we _are_ ‘boyfriends’ or... or _what_ the hell we are. Uh... 'heck', I mean. So you can just forget about me asking him to come for Sunday dinner – because I KNOW that’s what you’re thinking about.”

 

“There’s nothing wrong with a mother wanting to get to know her son’s boyfriends...” she said defensively.

 

“You’re weird, Mom.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because… oh, never mind. Look, if we get back together, I’ll invite him, okay? And if not…”

 

“Kevin seems nice…”

 

“I think I know him a little better than you do, Mom.”

 

“I’d hope so,” she said, getting up to go start heating up dinner, “Just try to keep an open mind, Danny. That’s all. Oh – chicken nuggets okay?”

 

“Uh… yeah. And thanks Mom. You’re still weird, though.”

 

“Apparently it runs in the family, dear.”

 

“Real funny, Mom” Danny said, smirking, “Hey... uh... you, like, haven't told Dad or anything have you?”

 

“Actually – I'm afraid I did. We _are_ your parents, after all. Both of us.”

 

“Oh. Well... uh...”

 

“He was surprised, but thinks it's great. Kept asking me if you had a boyfriend.”

 

“Great?”

 

“Yes. You don't know it, but he has this hobby... he writes homosexual romances. Usually lesbian, sometimes gay. Don't tell him I told you about it.”

 

“He... he does?”

 

“Told you – 'weirdness' runs in the family.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

After dinner, Danny went up to his room and put on headphones – all the better to sulk with. Kevin hadn’t called. Kevin hadn’t come. It was nearly 8, and Kevin should have showed up for his tutoring two hours ago – if that was something they were going to keep doing. Was _everything_ off now? What was going on? Damn him anyway…

 

Danny’s mother was reading one of her business self-help books when the doorbell rang. She tiredly got up to answer it wondering who’d be coming at this time of night. She opened the door to find Kevin standing there.

 

Holding a bouquet of half-a-dozen roses (red), a box of candy (heart-shaped), and a package (gift-wrapped). His hands were rather full, as he stood there in the cold with abject and total panic on his face. He'd forgotten that Danny's mother would be home.

 

“Kevin!” Mrs. Rainier said.

 

“Uh…”

 

Danny’s mother just looked at him for awhile, enjoying the situation. It was _so_ cute! She knew she’d been right about him. “Are those for me?” she asked, joking.

 

“Uh…”

 

She giggled in a way that was very un-motherish, “Just a moment, Kevin. I’ll go get Danny. You wait there,” she said conspiratorially, and closed the door in his face.

 

Knocking on her son’s bedroom door was of course useless – and she knew it would be – but it was part of the protocol. She went in and tapped him on the shoulder. Danny took off his headphones and said, somewhat annoyed, “What…”

 

“Someone at the door for you, dear.” She turned to go without waiting for a response.

 

“Kevin?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Well… why didn’t you let him in?”

 

“Daniel – go answer the door.”

 

“Geez, Mom, I-“

 

“Daniel!”

 

Danny went downstairs still in his plaid pajamas. He just hadn’t felt like wearing one of the feminine night-shirts his mother kept buying him. He had three now. He opened the front door to see Kevin still standing there, shivering a little now, and looking more resigned than panicked. Danny’s gaze took in the flowers, the chocolate box, and the other gift under Kevin’s right arm. So – the question was answered then. Apparently Kevin was still “in”. Danny resisted the temptation to hug the other boy and waited for him to speak.

 

“Uh… I think your mom knows about us, now…”

 

Danny sighed to himself – he might be waiting a long time.

 

“So… I’m sorry for running off like that, Danny…”

 

Still Danny waited, staring slightly up at Kevin’s face. He couldn’t help the faint smile on his lips.

 

“And… uh… I didn’t really know what to bring… I guess I kinda got carried away. A little.” Kevin added, wondering what Danny was waiting for.

 

Danny didn’t know what Danny was waiting for, either. But somehow he just felt that he’d know when to stop waiting for it.

 

And somehow - perhaps the same “somehow” - Kevin knew what it was. It was just… hard… is all. He sighed and closed his eyes, working up the courage, then opened them again when it occurred to him that it just wouldn't be right to say that with his eyes closed.

 

“Danny... I think... I mean…” he paused, taking another breath, “Fuck. I screwed it up already… I love you.”

 

_That_ was it. They both heard a distant squeal from the direction of the kitchen. 

 

“C’mon in, Kev” Danny said, smiling fully now, “It’s cold out there.”

 

Kevin came in, blushing. Although, really, it hadn’t been that hard, after all.

 

“I’ll take these,” Danny said, reaching for the bouquet. Just as Kevin was holding them out – and still trying to keep the chocolates from slipping out from under his arm – a flash went off.

 

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Danny’s mother apologized, “I just HAD to! It’s so CUTE! I’ll be going now. I’m going to… clean up the kitchen. I’m sorry! You boys carry on!” she retreated backwards down the hallway, camera still in hand. They could still hear her as she turned the corner, “So CUTE!! Oh my GAWD!”

 

Danny said sheepishly, “Sorry about that.”

 

“Dude... Your mother is...”

 

“You have no idea. Uhm, I’ll take care of these. Maybe you’d better head on up to my room. Like, before she comes back…”

 

“You think she’d…” Kevin started, and then changed his mind; there were more important things to consider, “So Danny? Are we okay?”

 

“I think so, Kev. But we still need to talk. Go on.”

 

While Kevin headed up, Danny found a vase in the kitchen for the roses. His mother was sitting at the table – “I’m sorry!” she blurted out again, “I couldn’t help it! Here, here, I’ll delete it, okay? In case-“

 

“It’s okay, Mom. You can keep it. Just don’t spread it around, ‘kay?” Danny said, running water into the vase.

 

“Well... if you’re sure. Oh my-“

 

“Gawd. Yeah, I know.”

 

“Be sure you invite him to dinner this Sunday, Danny.”

 

He sighed. Of course. “Yes, mother…”

 

In Danny’s room, Kevin deposited the candy and box onto the bed, then stood nervously at the desk, looking out the window into the night. He wasn’t looking forward to this “talk”. Maybe some things had changed when he’d realized how he really felt about the other boy – but other things hadn’t.

 

Danny came into the room with the vase and set the roses on the desk. Then he hugged Kevin. And Kevin – with momentary reluctance – hugged back. After a long while, they separated a bit, enough that they could look each other in the face.

 

“So… you love me?” Danny asked.

 

Kevin swallowed, “Yes.”

 

“Good. You’re invited to dinner on Sunday. 1 pm. Formal. Mom doesn’t cook any better than I do, so we’ll be going out somewhere. Know anything about banking?”

 

“Uh… no...”

 

“Excellent – then you should have lots of questions to ask her. Now then, let’s see what you got me for a make-up present,” Danny said, untying the ribbon on the box.

 

“Oh. It’s just something I saw and-“

 

It was a tiny model of The Globe theater, from Shakespeare’s time. Kevin had bought him this? Danny knew that the other boy didn't know squat about Shakespeare... so how- Danny looked up at him for an explanation.

 

“Well, I know you’re a fan. You have all his books and everything, so I saw it and-”

 

“Thanks, Kev. I love it.”

 

“You’re welcome,” Kevin said back, “Uhm... you're supposed to say you love me too...”

 

Danny only looked at him, faintly smirking.

 

Kevin caught on, “Oh. Yeah. Sorry, that was stupid.” Okay, so much for the easy stuff - “So... you wanted to talk?” He sat down in the desk chair, preparing.

 

“Nah,” Danny said, thinking about it, “Nah, never mind. I don’t wanna spoil the moment. It can wait.”

 

“Actually-“

 

“Kev? It can wait. Now - how’d it go with your old man…”

 

“Not good.”

 

“The gay thing?”

 

“Didn’t even tell him about that. The football thing. Plus – now he’s pissed Uncle Keith off, and he’s blaming me for that, too.”

 

“He kick you out?”

 

“Not exactly. Heh, I bet he will when I tell him I have a boyfriend, though.”

 

“So don’t tell him…”

 

“I think I’d just as soon tell him and be done with it, Danny. Have to do it someday…”

 

 _Someday?_ Danny thought, unexpectedly awe-struck, _We’ll still be together “someday”? Is he that serious? He DID say that he loved me… Really? Someday?_

 

“Something wrong, Danny? What’d I say now…”

 

“Nothing. Nothing’s wrong, Kevin. I just… uh… something in my eye.” Danny thought fast, “Listen – your next test is Geography, right?”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“Okay. Right. Here,” Danny said, taking a globe of the Earth off his dresser and tossing it to him. Kevin caught it and looked at him questioningly.

 

“What am I supposed to do with this?”

 

Danny picked up his Shakespearean model and sat back against the headboard of the bed, “Guess.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Kevin”, his father began, “I've been thinking about it – I guess I was kind of carried away. It's just that I've waited so long for my old school to make it to the Regionals... I suppose I was living it vicariously through you. Keith says you're not going to fail, after all. Is that right?”

 

“Looks like I'll make it. I know it's hard to believe...”

 

“Yes, it is. I was hoping you could get a football scholarship, you know. Something to waive the entrance requirements, because I don't know what college would take you-”

 

“Yeah. Thanks a lot Dad,” Kevin said sarcastically. He already knew what his father thought of him and didn't need to be reminded yet again.

 

“Oh, come on. You know perfectly well that you're too stupid to-”

 

“That's not what my boyfriend says. Oh, by the way, Dad – I'm a faggot. Did I mention that?”

 

“... Kevin – get your stuff, and get out.”

 

“Gladly.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“So he actually told you to get out?” Danny asked, the next day.

 

“Yup. No big, believe me. And even if he were to cut off my cash – I only have to make it six more weeks, and my trust-fund unlocks. So who gives a shit...”

 

“Kevin...”

 

“I meant, 'who gives a damn'.”

 

“Well, I'm still sorry it went that way. So you're staying at your uncle's apartment?”

 

“For the time being, yeah. I thought about calling you last night... but, y'know, with your Mom home an' all, I didn't figure it'd sound right.”

 

“Probably not a good idea. But, I gotta tell ya, she's getting weirder by the day. And she has this stupid _smile_ all the time...”

 

“She thinks it's cute, us being a couple.”

 

“I think it's going further than that. She made me move all my girl-clothes in here, and I think it was just so she could find out what all I had.”

 

“How much _do_ you have?”

 

“Four dresses – counting the one you bought me, six tops, three pairs of shoes, two bras, eight panties, and a garter-belt. And two pair of hose. Hoses. Hosiery.”

 

“Doesn't seem like all that much.”

 

“Yeah. That's what _she_ said...”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Hello?”

 

“Kevin! Help me!”

 

“Dani? What's going on?”

 

“It's my Mom! We're at the mall! You gotta come, Kev! You gotta get me outta this! Say... say we have an emergency football game or something! Anything!”

 

“The... the mall?”

 

“Dillard's! She's gone insane, I swear to god! _Fourteen_ dresses, Kev! SEVEN pair of shoes! Four hundred dollars worth of make-up! I'm trying on blouses now... Hurry, Kev, before she gets to the lingerie department! Oh, god, she's looking at swim wear... Kev! You gotta help me!”

 

At the other end of the line, Dani could only hear laughter.

 

“It's NOT FUNNY, Kevin!”

 

“I'm coming, Dani, I'm coming.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“I said I was sorry, Dani...” Kevin said, as they entered the apartment.

 

“I'm _so_ not talking to you.”

 

“I couldn't help it! She was so funny, and you were blushing, and... gawd, Dani, I couldn't help it!”

 

“You just _had_ to get us all soft pretzels, didn't you... just _had_ to make sure we'd walk right by that lingerie store...”

 

“Dani... it, uh, it hadn't even occurred to me-”

 

“I hate you! When I go to therapy about this, I'm going to send you the bill!”

 

“You're beautiful when your angry.”

 

“Then I must be _fucking gorgeous_ right now!”

 

“You are.”

 

“... Well, I'm still not talking to you.”

 

He came up behind her as she stood looking out the balcony with her arms crossed tightly over her chest. “Aww... can't I make it up to you? Somehow?”

 

“No.”

 

He nuzzled the back of her neck through her hair, his hands first holding her hips, and then sliding further around her belly. “You sure?”

 

“... I doubt it...”

 

One of Kevin's hands found it's way under her skirt, and caressed the back of her thigh, and up onto her butt.

 

“I love you, Dani.” His southern-most hand was just sliding down the back of her nylon panties.

 

“I... I hate you. Help me get this off...”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Half an hour later, they were both down to just their underwear – and half of hers, of course, was already gone. Kevin was suckling gently on her nipple, until finally Dani couldn't stand it anymore, and slid down from his lap until she was on her knees on the floor, nuzzling his thighs, and then his balls inside his tightie-whities.

 

Kevin knew what was coming – and that he couldn't let it happen again. It didn't matter if Dani seemed to be “okay with it”. _He_ wasn't “okay with it”. And he still couldn't bring himself to do it, either. He just could not bring himself to suck on another guy's dick. Not even hers. So that left one option. And _that_ he had been looking forward to – but he wasn't sure how she'd feel about it. It had never been discussed.

 

Before she had a chance to start pulling down his shorts, he said, bending down a bit and pulling her hair away from one ear, “Dani... We're not doing that again. But just wait a second – I gotta go get something.” Before she could think to object, he'd gotten up and disappeared into the bedroom. And he came right back out again with a tube of K-Y Jelly and a hand-towel. Dani knew what it meant.

 

She swallowed nervously, but didn't say anything as he kneeled and sat back on his heels next to her, flipping open the lid and setting the tube and towel on the floor where he'd be able to reach it. Then he looked over at her to make absolutely sure he had permission to proceed. “Okay?” he asked.

 

She choked out, “O-Okay.”

 

He put his arms around her, face-to-face, and kissed her, and pulled her down to the floor on top of him, slightly to one side. Then, a little later, while she was busy nipping and sucking at his collar-bone, he pulled her panties down from her butt, lubed up his finger, and began preparing her.

 

It took awhile. Kevin didn't know if this was Dani's first time or not, but it sure seemed as if it might be, so he took his time, gently using his middle finger to work her open, then try to push some lube in, then put his finger in a little bit more. If he heard her whimper – he backed off. If he felt her clench – he stopped until she relaxed. He kept re-applying the lubricant, over and over and over.

 

Finally, he was in up to the second joint, and that was far enough. He just left his finger there, feeling her sometimes clench and un-clench, then he'd remove it, re-lube, and do it again. Dani had stopped all her kissing and sucking now, and only brushed her lips to his neck and shoulder from time to time.

 

After nearly an hour of this, it was time.

 

“Dani?” he whispered, “Get up.”

 

She lifted her head and looked into his eyes, then took one last kiss. Without speaking, she got on her knees, laying her chest and head on the couch. He got behind her, positioning himself, removing his underwear, and finally pulling her panties all the way off.

 

When Danny felt Kev begin to push, he clenched. He couldn't help it. He was nervous, yes, but he _thought_ he was ready... But still he couldn't help it.

 

Kevin backed off, and Danny could hear him lubing up his finger yet again.

 

“Kev?” he asked anxiously, “Have... have you done this before?”

 

“Yeah.” he said, concentrating on not making a mess with the jelly.

 

“You have?”

 

“Well... with girls, yeah.”

 

“Oh. Well... I haven't...”

 

Kevin put the tube back down and wiped off his hand with the towel. If Danny wanted to stop and talk, he'd stop and talk. Much as he ached to get started – this was not something that could be rushed. Especially if you ever hoped to do it again.

 

“How's it been so far, Danny? Okay?”

 

“Yeah... yeah, it's been okay. But... uhm...”

 

“It'll be all right, Danny. I won't hurt you. It may be a little uncomfortable at first, but if is, I'll just stop until you relax. I'm not gonna surprise you or just shove myself in or anything, okay? It won't be like that.”

 

“I'm just... it's hard to... I'm kinna scared, Kevin. It sometimes feels like... like I'm...”

 

“You won't. Trust me, I know it feels that way, but you won't.”

 

“You promise you're not going to just... shove it in? Because-”

 

“Hey, Danny? New plan. Maybe this'll be better for you.” Kevin re-arranged the tube and towel, then laid on his back on the floor, his cock sticking straight up. “Okay, now you straddle me. Then you can just lower yourself down at your own speed, okay? You'll be the one in control. I'll just lie here. Okay? Oh, hold on a sec, lemme lube it up again first.”

 

After fifteen minutes, Danny was resting his weight on Kevin's hips, fully engulfing him.

 

Ten minutes later – give or take – he was rocking back and forth, faster and faster.

 

In another five minutes Danny was using his thighs to lift and lower himself onto the other boy.

 

And after two minutes of that – Danny had the first orgasm of his life, and finally got the release he hadn't known he'd needed. Danny's spasms made Kevin come, too.

 

Once again, they'd both received different things from the same act – Danny's concentration was on how Kevin felt inside him. He hadn't opened his eyes since he'd first begun to lower himself onto the boy.

 

Kevin, on the other hand, had never closed his. Not even in the throes of orgasm – a first for him. It wasn't about how his _dick_ was feeling in Danny's _butt_ – it was what _Danny_ was _doing_ to him.

 

Danny's cum shot onto Kevin's chest and face. Kevin licked it off his lips. It wasn't like he thought it would be. Because it wasn't “cum”. It was “Danny”.

 

 

* * *

 


	9. Pain

What a relief! What a wonderful feeling! Danny fell back onto his bed after Kevin had dropped him off, amongst the boxes and bags of women's-wear that his mother had bought him. He didn't know which was better – getting fucked, or _not_ having to deal with Kevin trying to give him head. Kevin didn't even _want_ to do that! How handy was that? Maybe... maybe it could go on forever like this – him sucking Kevin, Kevin fucking him. It would be so perfect, if it could...

 

And god-DAYUM, man – so _that_ was what an orgasm was like... He could use more of that. It had all just been so perfect, once Kevin let him be in control of the penetration. He'd probably be able to let Kevin do it, next time. Maybe face-to-face, maybe doggy-style, whatever. Any way would be good. Danny was already looking forward to it.

 

He chuckled to himself, it was so funny. Him and Kevin. The Bastard Asshole. I-only-like-girls Kevin. He looked at the roses still sitting on his desk, next to the still-unopened box of chocolates, and the model theater, now on his dresser. _Yeah you went overboard, Kev – by about a factor of three!_ He smiled to himself. This was so wonderful!

 

Kevin, also, plopped down on his bed when he got back to the borrowed apartment. His mind was occupied with Danny much the same way Danny was thinking about him. Who'd a thunk he'd fall like this for a _boy_! He didn't regret it, though – in fact, it was actually kind of cool. At first, the “coolness” had been because it was so naughty, so different – but that was wearing off now, the novelty of kissing, making out with, fucking another guy. Speaking of which – Danny had sure enjoyed that. He idly wondered what it had been like for him, and decided that he probably couldn't imagine. From the look on Danny's face, it had obviously been... uncomfortable, at first, but then that had changed somehow, morphed into some kind of pleasure. Big Time pleasure, apparently. Kevin wondered if – one of these days – he might, y'know, try it out as the catcher. He smiled. Nah. Not bloody likely.

 

It was a perfect setup. Danny liked to give head and get screwed. Kevin wanted to get head and screw him. Serendipity. A perfect fit.

 

Except - y'know... it might be kinna fun, sucking Danny's dick. Getting the other boy off like that. He'd heard girls talk about the sense of power it gave them – being the one so completely controlling the pleasure like that. He hadn't understood what they were talking about before, but now, he was getting the idea. Because as Danny had been riding him, Kevin hadn't been in control of anything – Danny was simply _taking_ his pleasure from Kevin. It would've been more fun to _give_ that to him. Yeah.

 

And besides – Kevin had been watching Danny's dick, during the sex. He'd never actually seen it fully erect before. It was even cuter that way. Damn.

 

Wait. Wasn't “cock-sucker” supposed to be like, the most biggest put-down ever? “You cock-sucker!” Heh. Well, people were funny that way. After all, calling someone a “dick” was equally as bad as calling them a “pussy” - so obviously, whoever decided what the put-downs were gonna be hadn't really thought it out. Must've been some boob. Kevin smiled again.

 

Maybe being a cock-sucker wouldn't be such a bad thing, after all. Eventually, that is.

 

He was feeling too good to let the loneliness of a strange and empty apartment get to him. He gave Danny a call. They talked about nothing in particular for three hours.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The next day was Sunday, and as they'd discussed last night, Dani showed up at Kevin's apartment in the mid-morning. There were some things that needed doing. She was wearing one of the outfits her mother had bought – a grey skirt that went down below the knees, black turtle-neck, with a grey and white blazer over it. Business Casual. Not _that_ casual, though – the high-heels still hurt as only new high-heels can, and she kicked them off as soon as she was in the door.

 

“Damn, Dani... What, no briefcase?”

 

“Shut up. This is Mom's big deal – showing off her new daughter, I guess. By the way – I'm her niece, if anyone asks. From Michigan. Grand Rapids. Oh – and my sister Stacy is going to be joining us too. She's kind of a fox – but I warn you, she's smart. She's studying medicine _and_ music, her third year. Do _not_ be hitting on my sister, Kevin.”

 

“C'mon, that's not fair. You didn't have to say that. I'll be a perfect gentleman, I'll have eyes only for you. Which isn't hard, by the way – you doing something different with the makeup?”

 

“Color-coordination. Turns out I'm a 'spring' complexion. Hence the neutral 'fall' colors for the suit.”

 

“It is fall...”

 

“The season has nothing to do with it, Kev, it's a whole – nevermind. I'm not sure I understand it all myself. Okay, look, we gotta go over some stuff before we go to the restaurant. I'm pretty sure you know all this stuff – I just wanna make sure you remember to do it, okay? Let's see. You know the difference between a wine-glass and a water-tumbler?”

 

“I think I saw this in some chick-flick. _Pretty Woman_ , I think...”

 

“Exactly. And don't be putting down _Pretty Woman_ – it's like my favorite movie of all time.”

 

“It would be. So, are we gonna get to have _any_ fun today, Dani?”

 

“Not likely. Mom wants to take me to her favorite jewelry place after dinner. She likes turquoise. I _hate_ turquoise! I think I'm more of a topaz girl.”

 

“Jade would look good on you. Uh, Dani? That outfit is making me hot... you kinna look like an English teacher or something...”

 

“Wanna blow-job? Get me something for my knees – I don't want to ruin these hose.”

 

Kevin chuckled – of _course_ he wanted a blow-job! Who the fuck ever turned down a blow-job? “You're the best girlfriend ever, Dani.”

 

Sunday dinner went without a hitch, although he wasn't really required to say much – Stacy and Dani did most of the girl-talking, while their mother beamed proudly – and kept her squealing down to a minimum. All Kevin had to do was be polite and remember his manners. So aside from almost forgetting to pull Dani's chair out and stand up when she had to leave for the restroom, he performed admirably.

 

 

* * *

 

 

During the next week, Kevin began picking Danny up at home and driving him to football practice and school, then driving him back. While Danny practiced, he sat in the car – with the heater on – and read or did whatever Danny had told him to. There was one test left now – English. Luckily, reading comprehension wasn't a problem – if only Kevin would read something. Parts of speech, categories of words, and sentence diagramming were more problematic, but Danny had found some good remedial books on those subjects, so Kevin worked his way through them.

 

If Kevin did good with his studies, he'd get a blow-job before school. Actually, he got one anyway, but with less mock-begging if he'd done well with the English exercises. After school, they'd usually stop at Kevin's apartment, and have sex again. Sometimes, after the tutoring at Danny's house was over, they'd even do it again - quietly. Teenage boys...

 

 

* * *

 

 

Thursday, before the Christmas break.

 

“Kevin!” Danny shouted his name, not knowing if he was actually in the throng surrounding the bulletin board.

 

“Back here, Danny,” Kevin said. He was leaning on the wall on the other side of the hallway, looking smug and strangely calm. That was the final state-mandated test posted up there, the one that would determine whether he graduated high school or not.

 

“Well? What’s it say? How’d you do? Are you going-“

 

“Oh, I know I passed, Danny. Just don’t feel like fighting the crowd to see what the score is. Not important.” Kevin looked Danny up and down – his savior, the reason everything had turned out after all. Kevin owed Danny. Owed him a great deal, and for a lot of things. What was important now wasn't the score on a test he knew he passed – it was to thank Danny. For everything. Properly.

 

And he had been contemplating just how to do that. “C’mon. Follow me,” he said.

 

Danny followed with only a little hesitation. “What’s going on, Kev? Where are we going?”

 

“You’ll see. Shush, now.”

 

They went up stairs, and into the Biology classroom, now empty like most of the rest of the school, except for the crowd around the bulletin board on the first floor. Kevin continued to a locked door at the back of the class. He fished out a key.

 

“Where’d you get that?”

 

“Mrs. Klein gave it to me,” Kevin replied, “I’ve been inventorying the specimens for the last couple of days – counting frogs and worms and stuff.” He held the door open, “After you.”

 

It smelled vaguely of formaldehyde and alcohol. Metal lockers lined the walls.

 

“So what are-“ Danny’s question was cut off as Kevin pulled him close and kissed him open-mouthed, his hand immediately going to loosen Danny’s tie, and then unbutton his shirt. Danny didn’t have a chance to speak again until his shirt had been opened, his under-shirt pulled up, and Kevin was nuzzling his way down his chest.

 

“Kev? Uh… okay, but couldn’t it have waited until after we got to your place?”

 

“No,” came the muffled response as Kevin brushed his lips on Danny’s warm stomach, “I wanted to thank you _now_. Just relax, I’ll do it this time.”

 

 _He’ll do it? Do what? Surely he doesn’t think we’re going to fuck in the Biology store-room. Besides, he ALWAYS “does it” when we…_ Kevin began unbuckling Danny’s belt, his nose only a little above it. _Oh… oh no…_ When it occurred to Danny what Kevin had in mind, he immediately began to panic - _Oh, god, Kev… I thought we had a deal… that you understood. Oh fuck. Fuck! FUCK! What am I gonna do? Wait… Calm down. It’s been a long time since Pete tried it… Maybe… maybe it’ll be okay. Maybe I can… I won't look. That's it. Maybe if I don't watch, it'll be okay... Fuck. Why are you changing things, Kev? Dammit…_

 

Danny stood stiff-backed while Kevin pulled down his pants, and then his underwear. Danny wasn't hard – but that was okay. More fun to get him that way, Kevin thought. If he'd have bothered to check Danny's face, he'd probably have stopped. But he didn't, and proceeded to simply put his mouth around the other boy's entire penis. It was actually a lot more fun than he'd have ever thought it'd be. He was looking forward to this! Imagine that – looking forward to sucking a dick. Well, that wasn't really it... looking forward to sucking Danny, then. Yeah. _That_ was it. He squeezed Danny against the roof of his mouth and drew back, stretching him out.

 

Danny had his eyes squinted shut, he was trying to concentrate, but couldn't think of anything to concentrate _on_ other than NOT letting what was happening “get to him”. As a result, of course, it did.

 

His breath got short, his stomach got queasy, and a burst of intense – and expected – anxiety flooded his chest. For awhile, as Kevin mouthed him, Danny couldn't move, breath, or speak. Then, he could -

 

“ _KEV!_ ” he screamed, pulling himself out of his boyfriend's mouth and covering himself with both hands, as if Kevin might get to it again, as if Kevin were the enemy. He doubled himself over his hands, even more protectively, and slid sideways on his back down the row of lockers, into the corner, turning to face it – even more protection. He felt as if he might throw up, so he went down on his knees, sitting on his heels, and tried to will the feelings – all of them - away.

 

“Danny? What the fuck... What's wrong?”

 

Danny didn't answer. He didn't even hear. He had his own problems. The secret was out now, everything was going to change. _Dammit, Kev... why couldn't you just leave it alone? It was so good. We could have gone on that way... Why did you DO THIS!? I know you didn't want to. I didn't want you to either. Oh god... why does this happen to me? Why me? Why now? Goddammit..._

 

Kevin came over, but didn't know what he should do. He knelt beside Danny, who was still facing into the corner, “Danny?”

 

“I... I... Kevin... just... give me a minute, okay?”

 

It was likely to be more than a minute, so Kevin sat cross-legged and waited.

 

He waited for five minutes, before Danny – who still hadn't moved – said, “I... I don't like... that.”

 

 _Huh?_ “You... don't like blow-jobs?” _Who the hell doesn't like blow-jobs? EVERYONE likes blow-jobs!_

 

Danny began to stand up, pulling up his underwear and pants, putting everything away, tucking in his shirt-tail. Everything was squared away before he turned around. Kevin was standing now, too, wondering what he should do.

 

“You remember you once said I didn't _have_ to go out of my way to make you feel stupid, Kevin?”

 

“Uh... yeah... That was-”

 

“Well, you don't _have_ to make me feel more like a freak, okay? I... I already know that there's something wrong with me. I don't like being touched there at all. Ever. By anyone. Not even myself. It... it just makes me... Well, you saw.”

 

“But why-”

 

“I also really, really, REALLY don't want to talk about it. All right? For now?”

 

_Okay_ , Kevin thought,  _something's not right here. I mean, he's right. There's something wrong with him. And he doesn't wanna talk about it. How can I help if... well, okay._ “For now, Danny. But I want you to know, uh... Well, that I'll listen, if – I mean,  _when_ you're ready. Okay?” He put his hands on Danny's hips, and touched foreheads.

 

“Okay. Let's just forget about it, huh? Pretend like this never happened?”

 

“Yeah. Let's get out of here...” Kevin said. Pretending like it never happened was... not a good thing. But then again, this wasn't the place or time to say that, either, and for once – Kevin didn't.

 

 

* * *

 

 

So things went back to normal, and much to Danny's relief. It hadn't gone that way with Peter Kopp – Pete had kept wanting to talk about it for weeks, until it had almost broken then up. But Kevin seemed to be okay with Danny's... “problem”. He never mentioned it. Maybe it would be okay.

 

Over the Christmas break – when Danny wasn't busy with familial responsibilities, Kevin and Danny spent quite a lot of time together, and had quite a lot of sex, too. _Quite_ a lot. Kevin, of course, _had_ no family to speak of anymore. He was invited to Uncle Keith's once, but Danny's father was home, and he didn't want to go without Danny. Really, he knew that his uncle wanted to see Danny – or Dani – as much as he did Kevin. Danny was the interesting one, after all. Kevin was just... Kevin. He promised to come at a later date, though. Sometime when his Dad wouldn't be there, too.

 

At first, Danny was happy about all the sex. But as the days went by, he was more of a feeling that, well, he'd put up with it for the time being. At least Kevin wasn't asking him about The Other Thing. Still, Danny was beginning to feel that he was... not so much “being taken advantage of”, as “being taken for granted”. In all the time they'd been together, and all the times they'd “done it”, Danny had never once said “no”.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“No.”

 

“Whaddaya mean 'no'?” Kevin asked.

 

“I mean, as in 'I don't feel like it'. C'mon, Kev... you've already got your rocks off twice today – and I have once. Isn't that enough?”

 

“Well... so let's make it three times for me and twice for you... Why not? You know you'll like it.” Kevin couldn't understand his boyfriend's sudden reluctance. Everything had been going so well, for so long now, he'd come to expect that it would be that way all the time. After all, they were “lovers”, weren't they? And they'd both enjoyed it each time... what was the problem? Danny had been great, so far! Unlike girls, he'd never seemed to expect anything “in return” for having sex. He was getting what he wanted at the same time Kevin was, right? Had something changed?

 

“It's just... y'know... aren't there other things we can do together? Kev... don't get me wrong – I love the sex. But...”

 

“Butt-sex.”

 

Danny frowned at him, “ _Not_ the way to get me in the mood, Kevin.”

 

Kevin chuckled, “Sorry. Couldn't resist. All right, look. Maybe we have been hot and heavy for awhile, I dunno. I thought you liked it. I did. We'll go do something tomorrow... Go to the bookstore or something, okay?”

 

“You never have taken me to a concert...”

 

“I did so! That, uh, Bach thing, downtown-”

 

“That was a festival, Kev. That was jeans and t-shirts.”

 

“You mean pleated-skirt and blouse, don'tcha?”

 

“Are you... making fun of me?”

 

“Danny... no. Well, maybe a little. I'm sorry, okay? It's just that, y'know, I'm going to graduate after all, and Uncle Keith likes me again, and I have my own apartment so I don't have to deal with my Dad, and you... you've been so great... I just feel good about things, is all. I'm happy. And horny.”

 

“Well... just watch it, okay? So... you'll take me wherever I wanna go tomorrow?”

 

“You bet. So can we... uh...”

 

“Oh, all right. Fine. You know where the lube is.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Uh... Kev? You need more lube...”

 

“Yeah. Yeah, in a sec...”

 

More than a minute later.

 

“Kev? I'm serious. It's... it's starting to hurt...”

 

“Just... just a sec... Danny...”

 

Less than fifteen seconds later.

 

“Okay, stop. Kev? Stop” Danny said, but Kevin seemed beyond hearing. “Kev? _Kev!?_ ”

 

“Yeah... yeah... oh, god...”

 

Danny tried to pull away, but Kevin forcefully pulled him back. He tried to roll his hips to one side, but again, Kevin shoved him back into place, and kept on going.

 

“Kevin! You're hurting me! Stop!”

 

But Kevin only grunted and thrust even more forcefully as he finally came to orgasm. The pain became searing.

 

“KEVIN!! GOD-DAMN IT! IT HURTS! _STOP!_ ” Tears began to roll down Danny's cheeks. There was nothing he could do. Danny liked submissive positions – letting Kevin “have” him, but there had always been mutual trust and consent. That was gone now. Kevin simply _would not stop_ , and didn't seem to care what it was doing to Danny. He was trapped. He was helpless, and it _fucking hurt!_

 

“Aaaaaah... god...” Kevin finally relaxed his grip on Danny's hips as his orgasm began to fall away. Danny scrambled away from him, and climbed the couch until he could get to his feet. He took a step towards the bathroom – oh, god, every movement only made it worse...

 

“Danny?” Kevin said, still on his knees and bewildered, “Danny, where-”

 

“ _WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE!?_ ” Danny took fast but ape-like steps into the bathroom. He slammed the door shut.

 

“Danny?”

 

“ _I'M FUCKING BLEEDING! YOU SON OF A BITCH! I'M FUCKING BLEEDING!_ ”

 

Kevin looked down at his penis. There was blood on it. _Oh my god..._

 

“D-do you want me to... is it... What can I... ?”

 

“ _FUCK YOU!_ ”

 

Kevin felt panic to a depth he never had before, as the other boy's fright infected him. Danny was bleeding – and he was the reason. He'd done that. How bad was it? Was it... dangerous? Should he call an ambulance? Should he – what the fuck SHOULD he do now? Danny of course hated his guts... But he couldn't just leave - what if something... happened... What was he going to do? What was he _going to do_?

 

He wasn't going to do anything naked. He began frantically pulling on his clothes – wait, maybe he should wash off his – no, fuck that, he pulled his underwear up over it, the red stain working through almost immediately. He looked at it. Danny's blood. Oh _FUCK man..._

 

Kevin pulled on his shirt but didn't button it. He made sure he had his keys, his wallet. Where was his cell-phone? Ah, there it was – now, what else. Some towels? What the fuck for? To keep his fucking upholstery clean? Gawd... _what do I do? What do I do? What can I do? Danny..._

 

Danny hadn't said anything for a while. Was he okay in there? Or was he... Kevin crept slowly and silently up to the door, listening for clues.

 

Danny was crying. He was bawling his eyes out in there.

 

Kevin fell to his knees, and waited, and listened. Something inside him died. Nothing would ever be the same, anymore.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The toilet flushed, and Kevin looked up at the door. He had no idea how long he'd been sitting there, on his knees, staring at blood-spots on the carpet. Too long.

 

“Danny?” he called quietly, ready for another vehement onslaught.

 

He heard the water run in the sink. What was going on in there? Was Danny okay or...

 

“Danny?” he tried again, “Danny, I-”

 

“I'll be all right. I think.” Danny's voice was calm, cold, devoid of any emotion whatsoever.

 

“Do... do you need anything? I could go get, uh-”

 

“No,” Danny replied icily from the other side.

 

“Is... is it bad?”

 

“How the fuck should I know? You think I can see it? You ignorant bastard...”

 

“I'm sorry, Danny...” Kevin said weakly.

 

For a long time, no more sounds came from within the bathroom. Then, eventually, “I'm gonna take a bath. Put my clothes outside the door. And call me a cab.”

 

“I... I can drive-”

 

“PUT my fucking clothes outside the bathroom door and CALL me a FUCKING CAB!”

 

 

* * *

 

 

When Danny finally came out of the bathroom, walking with very short, measured steps, and wincing with each one, he didn't even look in Kevin's direction. He simply turned towards the apartment door and kept walking. His eyes were tearing up again with pain.

 

“Danny... I know you hate...me. But I... I...” Kevin said, still wanting to do something – _anything_ – to help, or apologize, or make it better somehow. But the other boy didn't answer, and was almost at the door. “I , uh, gave the cabbie a hundred bucks... so... uh... Danny... Daniel...”

 

Danny slowly closed the door behind him, until it clicked shut.

 

 

* * *

 

 


	10. Chance

School started again the next day, but Danny's car wasn't there. Kevin had tried to call, but the cell-phone only rang and rang and rang – even the messaging service had been disabled. Danny obviously didn't want to talk to him. Kevin tried to wait until after school to see what was going on, but couldn't. He skipped out at lunch, and headed for Danny's house.

 

“Kevin! How are you?” Danny's mother greeted him at the door, “C'mon in – Danny's upstairs. He was feeling kind of sick this morning. Go on up – I'm sure seeing you will cheer him up.”

 

Obviously, then, Mrs. Rainier didn't know what had happened. Good, at least he was in the front door. Getting in Danny's door would be another matter. Kevin climbed the stairs as if he were heading for a gallows.

 

He didn't knock. He knew that if he did, Danny would simply tell him to go away. He needed to say some things – but he didn't know what. He'd thought about it all last night and all morning at school, too. Maybe he'd think of something once he was face-to-face. He hoped so. He opened the door and stepped in as quickly as he could.

 

“Danny? Look – please don't start screaming or anything – I came to... to see...”

 

Daniel was lying in the bed, face down. “Well, you've seen. Now go away,” he said without looking.

 

“Are... are you...”

 

“The doctor says I'll be okay in a couple of days, meanwhile, the less I move the better. He gave me some antibiotics. I'm not supposed to go out in the sun while I'm taking them. Not really a problem – thanks to you.”

 

_Doctor? He went to a doctor?_ Kevin tried to imagine what that must have been like for him,  _Yeah, Doc, some guy was butt-fucking me and kinna tore me up. Am I gonna be okay?_ God, that must have been... humiliating. And to do that on your own, too... so that no one would know. How had Danny convinced the doctor not to tell his mom? Gawd.  _I should've at least been there for you. I hate that you had to do that by yourself..._

 

But all he could say was – “I'm so sorry, Danny...” He knew Danny didn't want to hear it.

 

“Yeah, that's great, Kev. That helps a lot. Okay, you did what you came to do, right? You can leave now.”

 

“Danny, I-”

 

“We're done here, Kevin. Goodbye.”

 

Kevin stood awhile in silence, afraid to try to say anything else, and unwilling to just go.

 

“Good-BYE, Kevin!”

 

_There's nothing else I can do,_ Kevin thought,  _I guess I've done enough already..._ “'Bye, Danny...”

 

Somehow, he managed to get out of the house without running into Danny's mother again. Good thing. He wouldn't have been able to stand that.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Danny hated Kevin, and Kevin knew it. For awhile, he felt appropriately guilty. But before two days had gone by, that emotion was exhausted, and the Rationalization part of his mind began to kick in. Kevin had said he was sorry. And he would have made damn sure nothing like that ever happened again... Danny should realize that. Danny should forgive him. Kevin hadn't _meant_ to hurt him like that... it was just that, the heat of the moment, y'know, and... well, he _was_ sorry about it, dammit! If that wasn't enough for Danny then... to hell with him.

 

When Danny returned to school after two days of “illness”, Kevin didn't even try to talk to him. Danny wasn't making any overtures of reconciliation either, not that Kevin had expected him to. They'd see each other sometimes, coming to or leaving from school. They'd simply glance at each other and then look away. Had their looks been expressed verbally, it might have boiled down to “Fine.” and “Whatever.” back.

 

Football was obviously out for Danny now – he may have healed enough to return to school, but it still hurt to walk normally – although he tried his best, and hoped no one would notice. Football was just another thing that Kevin had ruined for him. Danny could've made a list.

 

To make matters worse, the team wasn't doing so well. They'd lost a game against Cascia Hall – another private school – and everyone was looking for someone to blame. Being only a second-stringer, Danny was in the clear.

 

Kevin, however, was not. He may not have been the superstar of the team, but he had been a damn good fullback, before he quit. The other boy who had quit had only been a defensive linesman – fairly easy to replace. So what it boiled down to was: Kevin made a good scapegoat.

 

It started as ribbing by friends, but soon became jeers by enemies, and when they saw how Kevin reacted, the jeers became taunts. Kevin had a short fuse, lately. The performance of the team was low on the bottom of the second page of his Major Concerns now. He didn't need that shit. The taunts escalated into name-calling.

 

One of the names was “fag”. And he _really_ didn't need to hear that.

 

They were just calling him names, of course. No one knew about him and Danny. Kevin knew that. But, because of how he felt - it didn't matter.

 

“Yeah, Dale – I'm a fag. Gonna do something about it? I hope so – 'cuz I'd love to kick your sweet ass. Oh yeah, I used to watch you in the showers, y'know. You had the most fuckable butt in there – I kinna figured you must be queer too, with an ass like that.” Kevin was looking for a fight – a nice, simple, uncomplicated fight. He didn't care whether he'd win or not. He, too, needed a scape-goat.

 

Dale was not the kind of guy one said that to, and Kevin got what he'd wanted. The fight after school was bloody, and there was no clear “winner”, but word got around, and if anyone had any questions about whether it was true, Kevin would set them straight. Kevin was a fag? “Yeah. So what? What do you know about it, fuck-face?”

 

The school administration, of course, took no action. The headmaster walked the fine line between anxiety about having a known homosexual in the student-body, and he inevitable class-action lawsuits that would follow kicking Kevin out. He did what most such people do – nothing, and hoped the problem would go away on its own, or at least not escalate. The rest of the administration, of course, followed suit. They were only employees, after all. Not policy-setters.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“This is the team table, Kevin. No fags allowed,” the captain of the team said.

 

“So why don't you do something about it, Eric. Dale? Wanna go again? Or maybe you, Steve... William? Anyone?”

 

“C'mon, guys. We're outta here. The smell of baby-oil is making me gag.” Nine boys got up to follow Eric. One stayed behind, casually munching his fries and smiling. Josh, a defensive linesman, 215 pounds of barrel-chested muscle, didn't get up to follow the herd. Always a quiet one, but he was a first-string player, so no one dared to bother him.

 

Kevin looked at him, but Josh didn't look back. He just kept on eating his fries as if he was the only one “in” on the biggest joke in the world.

 

“Pretty brave, Josh. Now they're all gonna think you're gay, too...” Kevin said.

 

“Well, Kev – tell ya what. I'm not, but I'm not one of _them_ either,” he nodded his head in the direction the others had gone, “And if I had to choose one or the other, I think might just give boys a try” he chuckled to himself. “So Kevin. Are you really, or are you just trying to piss everyone off for some reason?”

 

“I am enough to count, I guess. But yeah, you're right about the other thing, too. They were pissing me off, so it seemed like a good way to get everyone back.”

 

“I gotcha. Well, I gotta hand it to ya – coming out _here_ was one ballsy move. I've been to a lot of schools – Army brat, y'know – and this is the most homophobic place I've ever seen. Even Kansas wasn't like this. I thought New England was supposed to be so liberal...”

 

“I don't think it's about New England here. I think it's 'cuz of all the poor little rich kids.”

 

“Umm-hmm. You're one of 'em, y'know.”

 

“Maybe, but I'm not one of _them_ , like you said. Aren't you one of 'em too?”

 

“Nah. Football scholarship. And... well, legacy, too. Dad went here.”

 

“Ah. Well, it's still brave of you to keep sitting there. They're gonna give you hell from now on, y'know. And they're going to _assume_ you're a fag anyway.”

 

“I know. But you needed back-up. Alone, they might try something. But since it's two of us now, they'll have to think about it first. I'll watch your back if you'll watch mine.”

 

“Really? Wow... uh, thanks. I can't watch your back on the field, though.”

 

Josh laughed outright this time, “Oh, that's okay – I don't really have anything to worry about on the field.”

 

“Pretty sure of yourself...”

 

“Just like you. In case you haven't noticed - I'm the biggest guy _at_ St. Augustine's. You'll excuse me if I don't challenge you to a wrestling-match to prove it.”

 

Kevin smiled – Josh was pretty cool. “Nah – no offense, but you're not _near_ cute enough.”

 

“Hey!”

 

“I SAID 'no offense'...”

 

 

* * *

 

 

When Kevin returned to his apartment that day, he saw Uncle Keith's limo parked outside. Great. He'd been looking forward to some alone-time, and now no doubt he'd have lots of explaining to do. Why couldn't everyone just let him be?

 

“Hi Uncle Keith...”

 

“I hear you've come out at school. I can see the results on your face,” he said, referring to Kevin's still-purple eye.

 

“I'm not even going to ask how you 'heard' that...”

 

“The school called your father, your father called me. Believe it or not, Kevin, Robert still cares about what happens to you.”

 

“Yeah, I could tell that when he threw me out of the house.”

 

“He told me about that too. And I think you know perfectly well that he didn't really believe you were gay – that he thought you were just trying to piss him off. From what he tells me about how you 'came out' to him, that must have been exactly what you intended.”

 

His uncle had him there... yes, that _was_ exactly what he'd intended, although he hadn't really considered it before. He'd been happier thinking his father had kicked him out just for being involved with another boy. He could feel more self-righteous that way.

 

“Yeah, well... now he knows, I guess. Along with everyone else.”

 

“Indeed. You _are_ welcome back to the house, by the way. But, you'd probably have to apologize to him, so I don't imagine you'll go.”

 

“Why the fuck should _I_ apologize to _him_?”

 

“Not the point, Kevin, but I didn't expect you to understand that. Perhaps Daniel can explain it to you.”

 

“Daniel and I... broke up.”

 

Uncle Keith didn't say anything.

 

“I said, 'Danny and I broke up'. So I guess I'm back on your shit-list too, huh? And do NOT ask me what happened – none of your business.”

 

“Hmm,” his uncle said, rubbing his chin, “I'd guess you were selfish and thoughtless – although you didn't intend to be – and that you somehow hurt him however unintentionally. And because he seemed to hate you, you've taken it upon yourself to hate him right back, although you know perfectly well that you're the guilty party.”

 

Stunned, Kevin could only say, “Damn...”

 

“Yes. You're the first man who's ever done such a thing, nephew. In the history of the world. The very first. So now you find yourself in an uneasy truce of not talking to each other, while you wait for her to – I mean 'him' – to break the ice. Am I right?”

 

He was too right for comfort. “Uh...”

 

“Do you want her back? 'Him', that is?”

 

“Uh...”

 

“No 'uh', Kevin. Don't avoid the true answer. Just say it.” Uncle Keith was looking at Kevin intently.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Correct – you do. I see she's – heh, to hell with it - had an effect on you already. Now – how long has it been since The Incident?”

 

“Uhm... coming up on two weeks?”

 

“Very well. That's more than long enough. _You_ must break the ice, Kevin. _You_ must make it up to... him. Put aside your righteous indignation – that's a reaction to guilt. And do not expect an apology from him for being mad at you. You no doubt deserved it.”

 

“I... but...”

 

“Do it soon, Kevin. Think about it, but do it soon. And go home. Family ties can't be broken – no matter how much you may wish they could be right now. Good day, nephew.” Uncle Keith got up from his chair to leave. “Oh! I understand you'll be graduating high school after all – having passed all your state exams. Congratulations. It does not mean, however, that you can sluff off on the school's finals. Is that understood? I am still watching.”

 

“You...”

 

“Because I _may_ have plans for you, Kevin. It's up to you to keep _my_ options open in that regard. I can't have you flunking St. Augustine's – even if it _is_ only high school.”

 

“Plans?”

 

“I'll see you after graduation. You and Daniel. I hope. Give her my regards.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

The next day:

 

“Hey... do, uh, you guys mind if I sit here?”

 

Her name was Kathryn, and she mistakenly congratulated Kevin and Josh for coming out as a couple, and was laughingly corrected by both boys. Afterward, Josh asked openly whether she was gay or bi – she was bi, in the closet, and leaning towards girls. Crushing on a girl, in fact, she admitted in hushed tones.

 

“That one – the bleach-blonde with her back to us. Jodie Madison. I'm pretty sure she-”

 

“Uh... Kathy?” Kevin cut her off, “She's straight. Sorry to be the one to tell you...”

 

“She... how do you know?”

 

“I can just tell. Radar.”

 

“Gaydar,” Josh offered.

 

“Whatever,” Kevin said, “I can't believe you people can't tell this stuff... it may not be obvious, but still... def straight.”

 

“But... I mean... you're sure?” Kathryn asked.

 

“Yeah. But look – see that brunette over there? The one in all burgundy?”

 

“Uh... yeah... Renee DeCou?”

 

“Yeah. Might wanna give her a shot. Keep in mind, though, my 'gaydar' doesn't tell me if she already has a girlfriend...”

 

“She's kinna tall...”

 

“Kathryn – this isn't the Lesbian Super-Store. Besides, I think you'd like her.”

 

“Gaydar again?”

 

“No – Abercrombie & Fitch. Or maybe L.L. Bean.”

 

“Ah.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

After school, just after he'd gotten into his car to go home, Kevin's cell-phone rang.

 

“Yellow.”

 

“What the hell do you think you're doing, you moron?”

 

“D-Danny? Where are you?”

 

“I'm sitting in my Camry staring at the biggest idiot in school. Are you trying to make a point or something? Trying to impress me? Is that it?”

 

Kevin looked across the two parking-spaces that separated them. There he was, fairly glaring through his rolled-up window. “Why... why are you calling me on my phone?”

 

“Because I can't afford to be seen talking to you, dip-shit! It's true, isn't it... You're telling everyone you're gay now. God-dammit, Kevin...”

 

“I'm not exactly...” Kevin attempted to side-step the issue, but then changed his mind, “well, yeah, I guess I am. Anyway, so what. I'm not mentioning your name or anything. You're still safe. I know you gotta do another year here, so I won't out you, don't worry.”

 

Actually, that _was_ what Danny was worried about. Okay, so if that wasn't going to happen... “So why _are_ you telling people you're gay, then?”

 

“Fuck, Danny... what would YOU call it?”

 

“Well... I dunno... 'bisexual' maybe... but you're _not_ gay!”

 

“No one cares about 'bisexual'. You know that. To the people who care about labels, there's only the two: straight and gay. End of story.”

 

“Why are you telling anyone anything at all? Why don't you just keep your big stupid mouth shut about-”

 

“Because I'm sick and tired of people calling me a 'fag' as a put-down, okay? If they wanna call me 'fag', then they ought to just fucking mean it, see? I got nothing to hide from those morons. It just pisses me off, is all – 'fag' this and 'fag' that. I felt like hitting somebody for it. I feel like hitting a lot of people for it, actually.”

 

The air-waves were silent for a while, before Danny said, “You used to call me a fag all the time...”

 

“Yeah, well... I know. You shoulda hit me.”

 

“Would it have done any good?”

 

“Probably not. Look, Danny... I hate to ask, but, are you... okay now? Medical-wise, I mean?”

 

“It's... getting better. The doctor says there's nothing to worry about. I'd just as soon not talk about it.”

 

“I'm... I know you don't wanna hear it, but I really am sorry, Danny.”

 

“Little late for that.”

 

“I know,” Kevin replied, resigned. From the other boy's tone, it sounded like they were through. Kevin had sort of thought that was the case, but now it was confirmed. He sighed deeply. His father had thrown him out – but maybe not, Danny and him were through – probably, and everyone at school thought he was gay – which he sort of was. At least he would graduate. And soon he'd be able to access his trust-fund. Great. He'd had big, exciting plans about the things he could do with two million dollars – but without Danny, those plans just seemed boring and pathetic. As did everything else in life at that point.

 

Maybe Uncle Keith was right, maybe he should break the ice. Maybe he should say something that was hard to say -

 

“I... I miss you,” Kevin stammered.

 

“Good. Just... uh... don't tell anyone that we were a thing, okay?” Danny clicked off.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Fucking Kevin_ ... Danny kept thinking, after he'd put down the phone. He never followed up the thought, for instance, as far as to  _why_ he was calling him “fucking Kevin”. 

 

He missed him?

 

\- Well, shoulda thought of that before.

 

\- Yeah, I bet you do. I know what _you_ miss...

 

\- Tough shit, Sherlock.

 

\- Well, _I_ miss being able to sit down for more than 40 minutes at a time...

 

Aww, to hell with it.

 

That evening, his mother knocked on his bedroom door, “Honey? Can I come in?”

 

“Sure, Mom.”

 

“I, uh, haven't seen Kevin for awhile... everything all right?”

 

He'd been wondering when his mother would notice. “We sort of broke up, Mom.”

 

“Oh. So... it wasn't serious, then? Because I thought, well, I mean, the two of you were just-”

 

“Mom? Don't say 'we looked cute together', okay?”

 

She sat on the edge of his bed, where he had been sitting up reading _King Lear_ for the fifth time. “Well, I'm sorry, but you really were. You... you haven't been wearing those night-gowns I bought you, either...”

 

Danny sighed. It was _so_ embarrassing having a mother who _liked_ to cross-dress her son... “I know, Mom. I just haven't... felt like it lately, okay? Mom? It's kinna weird having a mother who's a yaoi fan-girl, y'know?”

 

“What's 'yaoi'?”

 

“Uhm... never mind. Anyway, Kevin was an ass-, a jerk, okay?”

 

“All men are assholes, from time to time, sweet-heart. They can't help it. After a while, you kind of come to think of it as charming. Sometimes. You're not going to give him another chance? I think you should give him another chance...”

 

“I can't believe I'm talking to my Mom about my boyfriend...”

 

“Daniel Alphonso Rainier! Your homosexual relationship is sick, disgusting, and sinful! Go up to your room right now and repent! _REPENT_ , I say!” his mother shouted at the top of her lungs, then smiled at him, “That make you feel more comfortable?”

 

“God-DAMN, Mom!” Danny said, recovering his breath.

 

His sister Stacy appeared at the door, “What the hell is going on in here?”

 

“Sis! What're you-”

 

“Kevin and Daniel have broken up, Stace. I'm trying to talk some sense into him, but he's being all weird because I think they're cute together.”

 

“Oh, is that all,” Stacy said, “Don't sweat it, Mom. They'll get back together. And they're not just 'cute', they're 'k-yoot!' No couple that kyoot can't stay apart long.”

 

“You really think so?” his mother asked.

 

“Sis... Mom... would you guys mind-”

 

“Oh, def. How long's it been, Danny?” Stacy asked.

 

“It's none of your freakin' business! ... about two weeks...”

 

“No sweat. Give 'em another week, Mom. If they're not back together by then, we'll have to come up with a Plan.”

 

“Oh, okay. Uhm, Stace? What's a 'yaoi fan-girl'?”

 

Stacy giggled, “We are, Mom. You more than me, though – you actually squee an' everything. C'mon, I'll show ya on my computer.”

 

“Oh, god...” Danny groaned.

 

 

* * *

 

 

By the end of the following week, the “Team Table” had been taken over – as well as the two tables flanking it. There were all kinds and cliques: Theater was well-represented, but so was Band, Chess, and – for some reason – Girl's Volleyball. No, they weren't all gay – or even bi – what they all had in common was that they preferred the company of others who were _okay_ about being gay, or bi, or even straight. Although, being straight in this group was rather dangerous; everyone – even the other straights – liked to pick on the straights. Straights were fun to screw with...

 

Every day it seemed like there'd be another member of this new clique, and today, it was Udishtierah Havarnatherusidrana. Chess club president. “Dish” was another quiet boy, who never seemed to be in the company of anyone. Everyone could guess why he was there, and they let him take his time. Sitting at what was still called “The Team Table” took a certain amount of guts, and everyone there knew what it was like.

 

Dish was sitting two seats away and on the opposite side from Kevin. He was acting kind of strange, staring at his plate, eating his Salisbury-steak as if he were performing open-chest surgery. No one was paying him any mind, although they would glance at him now and again, just to see if anything had changed since last time they looked.

 

Suddenly, Dish sat up _very_ straight, put his hands flat on the table, and, staring off into space, distinctly announced, “I am wanting to tell you that I am an homosexual!”

 

There was a short stunned silence, then Kevin said, “Welcome to the Team Table, Dish. And you are 'a' homosexual. Say 'an' if the next word starts with a vowel or a vowel-sound, as in 'hour'.”

 

Dish looked at him quizzically – he'd expected a different kind of response. Instead, everyone resumed talking as they were before, and a few offered to shake his hand. Kathryn, seated next to him, slapped him on the back. The boy across from him asked if he'd like to go to a movie sometime. It was a big day for Dish.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Another cold, windy, but clear January night, and Kevin hurriedly got into his car after the Senior Assembly. It was 7 pm, and the sun had set shortly after 4. By this time, the parking-lot lights had been turned off to save electricity. His cell rang again, and Kevin's heart raced – Danny! As he fished the phone out of his backpack, he looked over and sure enough, Danny's blue Camry stood out against the white, star-lit snow.

 

But, how to answer it? Can't just be all happy and obvious about it. Have to be cool. Yeah. He pushed the talk button, “Danny!” Well, that had slipped out.

 

“Yeah. You don't have to sound so glib about it, though – I'm still pissed at you.”

 

“I know – I mean, I can imagine – but at least we're talking again. I really have missed you...” Dammit – that, too, had slipped out.

 

“Uh... yeah. Look – this 'coming out' thing is filtering down to the sophomores now. I hear they have a 'Team Table' too. And today, a junior came out. Just stood up in the cafeteria, and yelled, 'I'm queer and I'm here! Deal with it!' Four people got up from his table – and then six others came over and filled it right back up. It's all your fault. I don't know whether to be furious with you or proud of you...”

 

“Wow. People are really coming out, huh?”

 

“Yeah. Not me, though. God-damn you Kev...”

 

“Danny? Are we... I mean, can we...”

 

“Kevin... why didn't you stop when I asked you to? I just wanna know.”

 

There was a question Kevin had asked himself a million times – and had yet to come up with a good answer - “I was, uh... I...” He gave up that tactic. “Danny – I don't want to try to make excuses for it. Not to you. Look – the fact is that I was too... absorbed with myself... to worry about you, okay? I was a selfish bastard. No getting around it.”

 

Danny hadn't really expected quite that much honesty - “Uh... yeah, you were.”

 

“See, I can see now that... I was kind of using you. Because you never stopped me, you never said 'no', I was just... screwing for the sake of screwing. 'Cuz you would. Kind of a new experience for me, I guess. You were right – as usual.”

 

“Uhm... what was I right about?”

 

“When you said that there were other things we could do together. Ya wanna know something Danny? I guess I might as well go all the way – I can't possibly make myself look any worse than I already do. I don't really remember half the times we fucked. They're all kind of blurred together. But I remember every damn detail of everything else we've ever done. Remember that time at the Sonic when we were just driving around?”

 

“Uh...”

 

“Remember what you ordered?”

 

“... a burger?”

 

“A double jalapeño burger with mustard and onion only. Curly fries – medium, and a lime Slurpee. Large.”

 

“Wow. Good food-memory.”

 

“Oh, it's not just the food. We were talking about movies and you were telling me why Anthony Hopkins was so great, and you were wearing white shorts and a blue Polo shirt, and you kept making fun of me sneaking looks at your legs – I couldn't help it! - and there was this one strand of your hair that got out of your scrunchy or something and you kept throwing it out of your face because-”

 

“Kevin...”

 

“... I guess it was tickling your ear and god it was so cute how you kept doing that, you-”

 

“Kevin!?”

 

“... didn't even seem to notice but you noticed me looking whenever you did-”

 

“ _KEV!_ ”

 

“Uh... huh?”

 

“Turn off the damn phone and get out of your car.”

 

“What?” Kevin said, but the line was dead. He looked over through his passenger window to see Danny already out and leaning against the fender, pulling up the hood of his parka and waiting.

 

The parking lot was empty by now, except for the two of them. Kevin got out of his car and walked around to the other side, facing Danny – but still a good fifteen feet apart. It was dark, the wind was whipping through the barren, lifeless trees, and it was _damn_ cold. All in all, it was about as bleak as it could get, Kevin thought. It was also below freezing – but the two of them just stood there, looking at each other.

 

Danny was trying to make up his mind, and Kevin was awaiting the verdict. It was taking a long time, out there in the freezing night, Danny staring at Kevin, Kevin glancing up at the other boy and then staring at the ground.

 

Kevin – wearing only a jacket because he hadn't really planned on any “outdoor activities” - was shivering by the time Danny said, “If you were me, Kev... what would you do?”

 

He didn't need to think about it long, “I'd get in my car and go home.”

 

More waiting.

 

“Danny, I'm freezing out here...”

 

And still more.

 

“Danny-”

 

“Well, you're not me. Do you still wanna be my boyfriend?”

 

“Uh... yeah. Of course I do. But I don't see how you-”

 

“Besides how much it hurt, I was scared to death Kev. You realize that?”

 

“Y-yes.”

 

“And humiliated. And ashamed. And mad... at you. Really, _really_ fucking mad.”

 

“I-”

 

“Shut-up,” Danny said, then paused. Yes, Kevin had fucked up, majorly. Still... that was almost part of his nature, really. If Kevin were perfect – like say, Barbie's Ken was – he... well, he wouldn't be Kevin, for sure. Danny wondered if Ken's “perfection” might have been why Kevin had wanted to blow the doll's head off, when he was a kid. Well, whatever, there was still something Danny needed to make perfectly clear, and right now - “If I take you back, Kevin... it's not going to be like it was before.”

 

“No. No it won't. I promise.”

 

Danny hadn't expected him to say that. _He_ promised? Danny had meant it as a threat. “What do you mean, _you_ promise?”

 

“I mean... I just meant... well, I meant that... It won't be like it was before. Uh... what did you mean?”

 

“WHY won't it be like it was before, Kev? Tell me that.”

 

“Because... because I didn't know what I had, until I lost it. Is why. God, that sounds so corny...”

 

Yeah, it sounded that way to Danny, too. And he knew that Kevin wasn't one to say corny things. So it must be true. “Okay. I'll see you tomorrow, Kev. Let's try this again. Oh – and you'll be taking me to dinner.”

 

“Pizza-Hut? We, uh, we could go right now...”

 

Danny smiled to himself – Kevin always too eager, for everything. “Tomorrow, Kevin. I think we both need to think for awhile. You've got a lot of making-up to do. You'd better come up with something good.”

 

As Danny turned to open his door, Kevin had to ask, “So, seriously? You're giving me another chance?”

 

“I _think_ so. This would be a good time for you to stop talking, Kev.”

 

Kevin didn't say another word. Instead, he suddenly noticed what a beautiful, crystalline, moon-less winter night it was. Even the creaking of the dry branches of the trees sounded musical. It was perfect. Funny he hadn't seen that before.

 

 

* * *

 


	11. Stacey Explains It All

Danny didn't do his “thinking” until he got back to the familiar surroundings of his room, so that his brain could calm down enough to even think about... Kevin.

 

_He loves me. He loves me not. He's an asshole. But he loves me._ After all he'd been through, to just take him back? Kevin had a lot to make up for... in fact, the boy probably had no idea how much. Well, it wasn't going to be 'water under the bridge', that's for sure – a lot of things were going to change. Danny had been abused. He  _might_ forgive Kevin for that – or he  _might_ want revenge – or he  _might_ just call the whole thing off. There were other boys around. Especially now that they were all coming out of the wood-work at school. 

 

Kevin was special though, because Danny still couldn't think of him as 'gay'. Even after all the time they'd been together, and all the ways they'd been together, too - whether Danny was in drag or out – it really didn't seem to matter. Kevin still sort of treated Danny like a girl.

 

Yeah. Yeah, he did, didn't he... always taking _his_ car, always opening _his_ door, always putting the moves on _him_ first. Just like a guy does to a girl. Did Danny like it that way? He had to admit – he did. Or rather – he used to.

 

Until it got him hurt.

 

He looked over at his closet, now stuffed with dresses, blouses, and shoe-boxes on the top shelf. Almost as many girl-clothes as boy-clothes now, thanks to his mom. He sighed. He hadn't felt like wearing any of them – not even the night-gowns – since that night Kevin had hurt him so much. He still didn't.

 

It seemed to Danny now that being a girl usually meant pain, of one kind or another, and too often.

 

While he stared at the ceiling in the dark, it occurred to him out of the blue, _but I have a choice! Kevin doesn't – he's the way he is. Stacey doesn't – she's a girl. But me... I have a choice!_

 

It was going to be awhile before Danny would find out that he didn't, after all.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“So Danny,” Kevin said casually, trying to hide his excitement – this ought to make up for _something_ , anyway, “I got fifth-row-center tickets to the White Mountain Symphony this weekend. I was wondering if you'd wanna go...” Kevin braced for squealing. And hopefully hugging.

 

“Actually, Kev... I was kind of thinking we could get away this weekend. I was thinking 'snowmobile'. This is the first real winter I've ever seen, y'know. We don't have snow like this in Texas. I wanna do something fun.”

 

Kevin was crest-fallen, “But... I thought _this_ would be fun. For you, anyway.”

 

_Yeah, probably thought I'd wanna dress up, didn't you, Kev. I don't think so._ “Yeah, well... sorry. I bet you have a snowmobile though. Am I right?”

 

“Well... yeah...”

 

“Good, then you can teach me how to drive it. And we'll need to go shopping – I don't have anything to deal with that kind of cold. Tomorrow good for you?”

 

“What about the concert? This guy Dish at school – his mother plays cello in the Symphony, and I had to beg him to-”

 

“I'm sorry Kev. But what'd the tickets cost ya? Tell ya what – I'll take _you_ to dinner to make up for it. I really wanna go play in the snow, Kevin. Besides, there's always concerts...”

 

“Well... there's always snow, too, Danny...”

 

“Can we go back to 'Daniel'? And we're snow-mobiling. You gonna eat that last piece of pepperoni?”

 

Well, that seemed to be the end of _that_ argument. Kevin was the guilty party here, and had nothing to fight with. But... why back to 'Daniel'? And, for that matter, why was Danny making plans without telling him? On the other hand... if Danny – Daniel – would have more fun 'playing in the snow', as he put it, then that would be good enough. Kevin liked to see Daniel have fun. It was... fun, when Daniel had fun.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Kevin took him to the the New England Outfitters – L.L. Bean was considered passe', in his circles. They shopped by layers: thermal underwear and socks. Wool sweater and pants. Boots. Balaclava and goggles. Finally, the only things that would show – snow-suit and gloves. Matching the boots, of course!

 

“Yeah, I like it. I'm getting this one,” Daniel said, eying himself in the mirror and not even asking Kevin's opinion.

 

“Daniel... you look like an Evil Henchman from a James Bond flick.” Most of the outfit was black, with blood-red highlights.

 

“Good. Maybe I'll scare everyone else away.”

 

“I kinna had you figured for... I dunno... white and blue or something.”

 

“Tough,” Daniel smirked – although, yeah, that would've been good too... if perhaps a little, well, effeminate. Not what he was going for, this time.

 

Kevin shrugged. Another dead-end disagreement – there were a lot of those, these days. Starting with taking Daniel's car to get to the store. It was weird – Kevin _always_ drove them around, but not this time. Oh well, it wasn't really that big of a deal. Maybe Kevin could at least pick a restaurant.

 

But Daniel beat him to it - “I'm starving. Let's go eat at The Rib Crib. They have _really_ hot barbecue sauce – reminds me of home.”

 

“Feeling the need for some hot beef, are ya?” Kevin joked. That was a pretty good one, he thought.

 

Until Daniel glanced at him with daggers in his eyes, “No. I just want to eat ribs with barbecue sauce.”

 

“Uh... okay.”

 

Dinner went better than most of the rest of the day had, because Daniel wanted to know everything about snowmobiles, and Kev was happy to be the expert at something for a change and teach him. Growing up in New Hampshire, Kevin had been snowmobiling and skiing since he was seven. Daniel wanted to try skiing next – but that could wait.

 

Kevin still felt bad about how the other boy had looked at him when he'd made that joke, though. Okay, maybe it was a little off-color - an obvious fag joke - but Kevin had thought they understood each other enough to make fun of things like that now. They'd used to, hadn't they? Was the subject untouchable now?

 

“Daniel... Look, I'm sorry about that joke I made, all right? I wasn't implying... well, anything.”

 

“Yeah, well...” Daniel fidgeted uneasily. Kevin thought he was going to say more, but he didn't.

 

“So anyway,” Kevin attempted to pick up the slack, “I'm getting my own apartment next week. My trust-fund will finally be under my control on Tuesday. That's my birthday, by the way. I was thinking that on Friday I could round up a couple more guys and we could move my stuff into-”

 

“Why do you need a couple more guys?” Daniel asked defensively.

 

“Well, y'know... heavy lifting and stuff... I mean, there's a lot of stairs, and-”

 

“You don't think I can handle it? Just you and me? I'm a jock too, y'know. Oh, wait – you don't want your dad to see me, I get it.”

 

“No, I didn't mean, uh...”

 

“It's okay, Kev. I know I embarrass you.”

 

“Daniel! You do _not_ embarrass-”

 

“Good. Then it's settled. We'll do it, just the two of us. And I get to meet your dad.” While Kevin digested this, Daniel had another thought, “You tell him about me yet?”

 

“Well... no...”

 

“You didn't tell him you had a boyfriend?”

 

“Uhm... well, I sorta did...”

 

“Then what's the problem?”

 

“The problem... the problem is... Your parents are cool, okay? My dad's not. That's the problem.”

 

“Once upon a time you said he'd have to meet me 'someday'...”

 

“Yeah. Yeah, what the fuck... might as well be then. Just not looking forward to it.”

 

Daniel only smirked. It was a little bit of revenge for him. It felt kind of good, really, to put Kevin through some shit, instead of going through shit _because_ of Kevin.

 

 

* * *

 

 

When Daniel got back home, after dropping off Kev, he found his sister Stacey waiting for him on the couch. It was now Friday, and she was home to do her laundry – or more accurately – have it done for her. She jumped up as he came in the door.

 

“Danny! About time you got home, I've been waiting for you for _hours_! Uh... what's with all the stuff?” Daniel's arms were full of boxes and bags from the Outfitter's.

 

“Kevin and I are going snowmobiling tomorrow. Snow-suit and stuff.”

 

“Ah. Look – I wanted to ask if it was okay if I borrow your red mini. The leatherette one?”

 

“Yeah. Sure. G'head.”

 

As Daniel began climbing the stairs with his packages, his sister followed behind. “Great! I have a hot date and we're going to a club. He's in a band!” she nearly squealed, “It's so great to have a brother I can borrow clothes from – oh, that reminds me: can I borrow your Opium, too?”

 

“Help yourself,” Daniel said, dropping his load onto the bedroom floor, “In fact, Stacey – you can have it. All of it.”

 

Stacey stood at his dresser, holding the bottle of Opium, her mouth agape, “ _ALL_ of it? You mean – oh, you mean the Opium. What, you don't like it?”

 

“No, Stace. I mean all of it. The clothes, the make-up... I don't guess you'd want the underwear, but everything-”

 

“Wait. Just wait a minute. You... I mean, Mom just bought you all this stuff, and now-”

 

“I'm giving it up, Sis. I'm tired of being a freak.”

 

“You're... _tired..._ Okay, Danny. Sit. Talk. I can't believe I'm turning you down for a thousand dollars of free stuff – although your tops are too big in the shoulders for me anyway - but what's going on... You and Kevin have a fight or something? He doesn't like you cross-dressing anymore?”

 

“Oh, he'd just _love_ it if I were to keep wearing skirts. But I'm not gonna. It's time for me to just... be who I am. I'm a boy. A 'guy', I mean. I should act like one.”

 

“So... gonna stop being gay, too?” she asked incredulously.

 

“I would if I could, Stace.”

 

“Whoa. All right... Would you _sit down_?! My trans-sexual brother is having a crisis, and all he's concerned about is ripping all the tags off his new snow-suit – you should cut those off, by the way - and it's weirding me out.”

 

“I am NOT a 'trans-sexual'!” he glared at her.

 

“Huh? Sure you are...”

 

“Do you see any tits here? No! And THANKS for making me feel even MORE like a freak, Stacey!”

 

“Daniel, calm down! What do tits-” and then she remembered, from her surfing on the internet, what came up first when she'd searched for 'trans-sexual'. Porn. She-male porn. Of course... “Look, Danny – little brother – I wasn't calling you a freak, okay? I don't think you're a freak. In fact, I happen to _know_ you're not a freak, all right? 'Trans-sexual' just means that you're male on the outside and female inside. It's a thing that happens – you got the wrong body, or brain, whichever way you wanna look at it, okay? How can you not know this stuff? I would have thought you'd found out all about it a long time ago...”

 

“Found out all about what? Yeah, I've seen tranny-porn. I'm NOT a tranny!”

 

“Oh for god's sake – I swear, you really are such a... GUY sometimes. You think of everything in terms of porn. Just like a boy.”

 

“What... what did you mean 'you happen to _know_ ' that I'm not a freak? What do you know about it?” Daniel asked, only just now thinking about what his sister had said before.

 

Stacey explained it slowly and deliberately, as if explaining algebra to a 9 year old. Male outside, female inside. Female brain. There _are_ differences. Physical, measurable differences, well-known and well-understood. Unlike the political muck surrounding homosexuality, there was scientific, clinical proof of trans-sexuality. No room for dissent on whether it was true or not. It was. And how did she know?

 

Because it just so happened that her chemistry lab-partner was one. Except she was a Female-to-Male “trans-gender”, as she'd learned to call them.

 

“Wait. So... she's a guy in a girl's body?”

 

“Exactly. And after you think about it for awhile, it seems SO obvious, too! I mean, at first I went 'yeah, whatever', but really, the more I got to know him – I mean... well, you get used to calling them by how they act, eventually - the more I got to know _him_ , the more obvious it was that he _was_ a 'him'! So I did some googling, and yeah, up comes the tranny-porn. But if you ignore that and dig a little deeper, you'll see that there's actually a _lot_ of 'em out there! Male-to-Female, like you, Female-to-Male, like him... Danny? How come you never... looked for this stuff?”

 

He thought about it, staring off out his window. “Maybe I didn't want to know.”

 

After a pause, Stacy continued, “Yeah... I guess I can understand that. But doesn't it feel better to know that you're not the only one? I mean... if it were me, I'd be happy-dancing to know there were others like me...”

 

“I've been there, Sis. Done that. Back before I knew about homosexuals, I thought I was the only one. Then, one day Dad and I were going somewhere – there was this bill-board. Advertising a gay club. And I asked Dad what 'gay' meant, and he told me 'gay men, uhm, like other men'. That's what he said. I can still remember. I must have been 11 or so. I couldn't let him know, but I felt so... _relieved_ , y'know? No, I guess you don't. But yeah, _relieved_ because a lot of things suddenly fell into place. I was gay. There were others who were gay too. Enough to have clubs! Heh, I couldn't wait to grow up and be a Gay Man... It probably sounds weird to you.”

 

“Not so much. I've been thinking a lot about that stuff since I got Chris for a lab-partner. Funny how you never think about it until you meet someone who's like that and it hits you.”

 

“So... you think I'm a trans-sexual? I really _am_ a girl inside?”

 

“I dunno, Danny... you're weird. I don't mean – oh, I just mean yeah, sometimes it's _so_ obvious, now that I know about it, and other times... well, you seem like a typical boy. Uhm... it's weird asking this... but... how do you feel about your penis?”

 

It was weird hearing it, too. Not to mention all kinds of embarrassing, on many levels. “Uhm...”

 

“Look,” she continued to save on the awkwardness, “TG's usually hate their... uh, gender-specific parts, okay? For instance, Chris absolutely _hates_ having tits. And what's weird – she says they hurt a lot, too. In fact, she hates most things about the female body. They disgust her. Him, I mean. So even though she's a guy inside, she's still attracted to guys, because she can't get over how much she dislikes her own body. But that's just him, other FtM's feel differently about that, and you – well, you obviously like guys... so I dunno... but, if you were to have a... problem... with your penis, that'd be pretty good proof that you're TG. So... do you?”

 

After a short moment, Daniel only said, “Yeah. Sometimes, I mean.” Since Daniel had given up trying to be a girl, he'd actually been feeling better about his penis. Even gotten hard by touching himself, a couple of times. Still a long way from masturbating, though.

 

“Well there ya go!” Stacey said, happy to have made her point, before it occurred to her to feel sorry for her brother who didn't like something so basic about his own body. Her own body, rather. “By the way, there _are_ tests you can take. Even on-line, Chris says. And you're actually kinna lucky – it's a lot easier to turn boys into girls than the other way around.”

 

“You... you're talking about surgery...”

 

“Yeah. They do it all the time now. Chris has already started hormone and counseling treatment to get changed into a man – he can't wait. Know what he's looking forward to the most?”

 

“Peeing standing up?”

 

“Well, yeah, that's a biggie for 'im – but even more – he wants to be able to go outside without a shirt. I really don't get that... but for some reason it's important.”

 

“I... I don't know if... if I'd be interested in that...”

 

“A lot of 'em aren't. You don't _have_ to actually become female, you know. You just have to get comfortable with yourself, I guess.”

 

Daniel didn't say anything, leading to an uneasy silence for a few minutes. Stacey sniffed the Opium perfume and dabbed it on her wrist, while her brother continued staring off into space.

 

Eventually, Stacey said, “So... I'm gonna borrow – _borrow_ – your Opium and the red mini. Okay?”

 

“Yeah. Sure Sis. And, uh... thanks.”

 

“No prob Bro. Or should I call you 'Sis'?”

 

“Let's stick with 'Bro' for now. I'm still not sure... what I'm gonna do...”

 

“Okay. But hey – if you wanna borrow anything of mine, well, my closet is your closet, okay? Just don't be stretching my tops over those shoulders of yours. Skirts and wraps and stuff should be fine though. And stay out of my underwear drawer.”

 

“Oh please. I have _way_ better stuff than you do in that department anyway. Not counting the vibrator.”

 

“Why, you little-”

 

Daniel smiled at her, “I was only guessing, Stace...”

 

 

* * *

 


	12. Tits and Ass

So.

 

What's changed now, Daniel wondered. Apparently there really _were_ people who were “girls inside”, and there was a good chance he was one of them. Probably. Well, okay, almost certainly – but then again, in some ways, or at some times, maybe not – or not so much, anyway. Gawd! Why did everything have to be qualified like that - “somewhat”, “in some ways”, “more or less”? It would be so much easier if he could just be... a stereotype. If there were No Question, if he were somehow the Extreme Trans-Sexual, no questions asked, the epitome of trans-genderism, the very model by which other TG's were measured!

 

Instead, he was left with just as many questions as before, only cast in a different light.

 

_To be, or not to be_ ... a boy.

 

He still felt that he had a choice. “Being” a girl was something that he'd “liked”. It wasn't like he'd die if he never put on another skirt. It was just something that felt good – especially around other people. It was... a luxury. A hobby. Something he could... give up.

 

Because it had it's downside too, he reminded himself. Boys don't get emotionally hurt the way girls do, he thought. Or if they do, they don't show it. And Boys who were Boys damn sure never bled from their bottoms. Or had to tell doctors why. Gawd.

 

He wondered if he could actually pull off being straight – going out with girls. Having sex with girls. Being the “top”. Tops had it easy. Tops never got hurt. Thing is... yeah, girls were okay, in their way, but what _he_ needed was boys. Men. Guys. He'd known that for a long, long time, so no use pursuing that train of thought. Whether he was a gay guy or a straight girl amounted to the same thing – it was the boys that made him feel good, and not just sexually.

 

He could still be on top, though, if Kevin would let him. Which didn't seem at all likely – what Kevin liked about him was his “girly-ness”, always had been. Then again, Kev _had_ tried to suck his dick – so maybe there were things about Kevin that Daniel didn't understand so much... Maybe they could, well, take turns or something. What would it be like to be the dominant one? The aggressor... The pitcher instead of the catcher. He tried to imagine it.

 

Yeah, he might be able to do that. If he could just keep himself from starting to feel girly. That might be difficult – pretty much everything about boys made Daniel feel girly – that's why he liked them. And besides – Kevin as catcher? Would he even do that, even once – just to see what it was like? Hell.

 

Fuck. Only one way to find out.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Snowmobiling was god-damned- _fucking-totally FUN_!

 

Kevin's “sled”, as Daniel learned to call it, was cool. Fast, sleek, and red, it even matched his snow-suit. He felt stylin' on it, once Kevin had showed him how to work the controls. Not that there was much to it – the “gears” shifted themselves, there _was_ no clutch – or rather, it clutched itself – all one really had to do was work the thumb-lever throttle and hold the fuck on.

 

And because there was no suspension to speak of, that really did mean _hold the fuck on_!

 

It could be kind of serene, too, in a Zen-like way, because Kevin had installed a custom muffler. “I'm not into noise,” he'd said, “I'm into speed.” So simply running the sled at top speed in a straight line across the lake was yet another kind of experience. The wind was louder than the engine.

 

They were at it for six hours, sometimes by themselves while the other waited his turn, sometimes together - sometimes Daniel driving, sometimes Kevin. It was great. But it was also getting quite dark, and they were getting chilled despite their triple-layer protection.

 

“Hey, Daniel!” Kevin shouted over the wind, “My dad's ice-fishing shack is in that little cove over to the left! Let's go warm up for awhile, okay?” Daniel – who was driving at the time - complied without a word. He was cold, too.

 

The ice-fishing shack was a ramshackle affair, which kind of surprised Daniel. He'd have expected teak and mahogany - not old, weathered gray pine that looked like it had _never_ been painted. Kevin opened the padlock on the door, and the inside looked about like one would expect from the outside – same wood, with a circular hole in the floor showing the ice of the lake underneath. Dust was everywhere. But there was a couch, a recliner, a boom-box, and – most importantly – a Coleman flameless kerosene heater, with a tank full of fuel, which Kevin immediately set to work igniting.

 

There was also liquor. Quite a bit of it – rum, vodka, vermouth, whiskey, gin, and the bottle that Daniel examined while Kevin fiddled with the heater: EverClear. One-hundred percent grain alcohol.

 

Finally, the heater began to glow with warmth, and the boys took off their gloves and balaclavas to warm themselves around it.

 

“Got anything to eat in here, Kev? I just realized that I'm starving.”

 

“I doubt it... I don't think Dad comes here to snack. I don't really think he comes here to fish, either. Probably just uses it as a safe place to drink.” Kevin said, as he adjusted the heater, “So, Daniel. Have fun today?”

 

“Fucking _blast!_ Most excellent. I have _got_ to get me one of those!”

 

Kevin smiled – it was fun to see Daniel so excited. Not as fun as it had been buying girl-clothes at the Mall, maybe... but pretty fun. Still, he knew something was going on with his boyfriend – he just wasn't quite... right. Quite himself. There was something... phony... about Daniel. Of course, that might be because of what Kevin had done to him... maybe this was some kind of 'probationary period' or something and Kevin wasn't really out of the dog-house yet. Best to watch and wait, rather than assume anything. Kevin didn't want to screw anything up. Again.

 

Daniel was feeling good, in every way. The day had gone great, he'd done macho stuff, and enjoyed it. His mean-looking Evil Snow Suit helped. It was pretty neat – being a boy. Doing guy-stuff. Speaking of which – time to show some... aggression. He moved over, behind Kevin as he stood warming his hands, put his arms around him, and began nuzzling the back of his neck.

 

“Warmin' up fast in here, isn't it Kev?” he said, “Hey – that was an example of 'innuendo'. Get it?”

 

“Yeah, I get it...” Kevin was a little taken aback by the other boy's maneuvers. But what the hell. He turned around inside Daniel's arms. “Next you can show me one of those double-things...” He closed in for a kiss.

 

Or thought he was going to, anyway – Daniel was quicker, and closed the distance for him. Daniel's tongue came out almost immediately, too. _Damn_ , Kevin thought, _is he hot or what? But – no, he really isn't. Why is he acting like this? Should I ask? Nah... better keep my big mouth shut, for a change..._

 

The kiss had been a challenge for Daniel. He could actually _feel_ – now that he knew what to look for – his femininity rising when Kevin had turned around and was obviously about to kiss him. But beating him to the punch had quelled that feeling. He had made himself the aggressor again - the 'guy', the Top. Success. It should have felt better than it did, though. It would have been... nice... to have let Kevin go ahead and -

 

_No. Don't even think about it. Not this time._

 

Daniel needed to re-group. Thinking about how it _might_ have gone, if he'd let what he thought of as his “feminine side” win had thrown off the mood. He needed to get it back. He broke off the kiss.

 

“Let's have a drink. What exactly is 'EverClear', anyway? I've heard of it...”

 

“It's just pure alcohol, is all. No flavor, no nothing. It's pretty nasty.”

 

“You've tried it?”

 

“This isn't my first time in here, Danny... I mean, 'Daniel'. Heh, I've tried 'em all. I think I like gin the best.”

 

“Get us some glasses,” Daniel ordered, taking a seat on the couch.

 

“Uh... y'know... we're both starving hungry. You ever drink before?”

 

“Sure I have. Well... tasted it anyway. Most of 'em are pretty nasty, I think, but rum is okay. With Coke. Never had it straight.”

 

“I don't think we should get drunk, is all.”

 

“Aww, c'mon Kev. Be a pal.”

 

 _I don't want to be your 'pal', Danny... What are you up to?_ Kevin felt a vague fear looming, and wished Daniel were acting... normally. Well, if he was trying to prove something, might as well let him. “Yeah, okay. Rum, you said?”

 

“EverClear.”

 

“Daniel – it's really bad.”

 

“EverClear.”

 

Kevin sighed, “Fine, fine...”

 

Not an expert drinker by any means, even if he did know a little more about it than Daniel did, Kevin poured what he thought was an appropriate amount into a tumbler. It was about two shots worth.

 

“Gah! You were right! God-DAMN...” Daniel gasped.

 

“You're supposed to swallow it all at once, not sip it.”

 

“Really? Okay....” It took him three tries. And a solid minute of coughing. He handed the tumbler back to Kevin, “Right, let's go back to rum, okay? Jesus Christ...”

 

“Told ya.”

 

Two more shots of rum. Kevin had one of gin. Enough to get warm on, but not enough that he wouldn't be able to drive home later.

 

They began to make out again there on the couch, still in their snowsuits. Kevin still couldn't get over how Daniel was acting. They unzipped each other's suits neck-to-crotch, so they could get their hands a little closer to each other, anyway. Daniel's hands headed for Kevin's groin, and Kevin's hands tried to guess where Daniel's nipples were through the thick thermal t-shirt. They knew each other's buttons.

 

Then Daniel did something new – he pulled one of Kevin's hands down from his chest and pressed it against his penis, albeit through the pants and underwear. Kevin groped for him, found him and began to squeeze. He wondered why Daniel had said he didn't like to be touched there – he sure seemed to be enjoying it now. He thought about mentioning it, but Daniel moaned quietly and the he decided against it.

 

“Let's get this stuff off,” Daniel said, again taking the lead. They stripped, down to their thermals anyway. It wasn't quite warm enough in there to get totally naked, but at least they only had to fight their way under one layer of cloth now.

 

Again, Daniel positioned Kevin's hand on his groin, so Kevin could feel his erection. Soon, that hand was under the thermals, and Kevin was actually holding on to Daniel himself.

 

And to Daniel – it _still_ felt good! No anxiety, no self-consciousness, no panic-attack... This was great! Full-speed ahead! All hands to battle-stations! Oogah! Oogah! _I'm a guy – guy's have cocks. I have a cock. And... damn, it feels great! God, I wonder if-_

 

Kevin said, as Daniel nuzzled under the collar of his tee-shirt, “Hey, Daniel, want me to-”

 

“Actually, Kev... what I'd like you to do is stand up, turn around, and lean forward.”

 

 _Huh?_ “You... you want me to...”

 

“I got some Astroglide. Been in my pants pocket the whole time – should be pretty warm.”

 

“You... uh...”

 

“What's the matter, Kev... Look – I'm not trying to get revenge or anything, okay? You taught me how it's done. I'll go easy on ya. Slow and easy. 'Kay?”

 

“Oh. Well... uh...” Kevin had no idea what to say. He couldn't very well just say 'no'. But... to do this? He'd never even _considered_ the possibility, and it had seemed like he'd never _have_ to, too! And now Daniel wanted to... fuck him? Well, hell – what the fuck could he do, anyway. Daniel had a _right_ to do that, if that's what he wanted. But Kevin wasn't looking forward to it.

 

Without saying anything else, he got up and turned, putting his hands out against the wall behind the couch for support. Daniel snuggled up behind him, and pulled both Kevin's and his own thermal bottoms down. He began to snuggle Kevin's neck and hair again as he fondled his butt.

 

This was gonna be fun...

 

“Oh _man_ that stuff's cold! I thought you said it'd be warmed up?” Kevin complained.

 

“Sorry. I'll try and warm it up more next time. Uh, Kev? You're okay with this, right?”

 

“Yeah. Yeah, Danny... just... take it easy, okay?”

 

“Okay.”

 

Actually, Kevin _was_ becoming more and more okay with it. After the initial self-consciousness, it felt kinna good, what Daniel was doing with his finger. Weird – but good. Of course, that was just a finger. Daniel's penis was quite a bit bigger than a finger... but still, Kevin knew how it worked. It might be okay, after all. Just not something he was... expecting. And quite frankly – Daniel was still being strange, somehow. This wasn't Daniel's thing – he liked being the girl. Weird.

 

 _So Kevin's okay with it after all..._ Daniel thought, _Huh. I didn't really think he would be... it's not like him. Okay, I guess it IS 'like him', and I just didn't think so. Weird._

 

Several minutes later, Daniel had two fingers in, and Kevin wasn't complaining. He grunted now and again – but didn't complain. Time to get on with it.

 

Except – Daniel's erection had gone down. Not _away -_ but not stiff enough for penetration. Well, no problem. Daniel began to stroke himself with a lube-covered hand. This shouldn't take long.

 

But it did.

 

And Daniel was becoming aware that it was taking too long. Kevin was probably wondering what was going on... _Come on... come on... get hard... come on..._ Trying to will himself hard didn't help.

 

Kevin could hear Daniel stroking, and guessed why. That was the first logical part of the evening – him having trouble getting it up. The first thing that made sense. Of _course_ he was having problems! This wasn't Daniel! This wasn't what Daniel liked! Wanted! ... Needed?

 

Kevin turned around and put his hands on Danny's shoulders as he frantically stroked at himself. “Danny? Lemme help,” he said, then lightly kissed Daniel on the lips, and began to trail his way down. Soon Kevin was on his knees.

 

_Oh shit!_ Daniel thought. This was where he'd panicked before – the last time Kevin had tried to suck him off.  _Oh shit! Okay – maybe it'll be different this time. Some things are different. I shouldn't watch – that worked for awhile last time... I shouldn't watch..._

 

But he did watch. He watched as Kevin wiped off the excess lube, and then kissed and nuzzled around on his penis. The lip-kisses became mouth-kisses became lick-kisses, and still he watched.

 

Daniel saw that Kevin... _liked_ it. He _liked_ Daniel's dick! Obviously. A lot. Daniel was so enthralled watching, that he forgot to wonder why the fear wasn't rising in his stomach again. He couldn't get over it. Kevin actually _liked_ it! And actually... his dick wasn't such a bad thing, really... It was kinna cute. Kevin sure seemed to think so, and... well, maybe he had a point. Daniel watched in absolute awe as his penis disappeared into Kevin's mouth. Fully erect again, but he wasn't even noticing that. He reached down and fondled a handful of Kevin's hair.

 

_Having a dick isn't such a bad deal after all, when- Oh... oh my god... how is he... Oh my gawwwwd..._

 

Daniel's eyes finally closed – but not because he didn't want to watch Kevin sucking him. He simply had other things on his mind.

 

After awhile, he felt Kevin pull his mouth off. He looked down to see Kevin looking up at him.

 

“You wanna try again, Danny?”

 

“No... no, for god's sake, don't stop...”

 

Kevin went back down on him. And Daniel only thought,  _Kev. Kev... Kevin..._ And later,  _KEVIN! KEVIN! KEVINNNN! K-_

 

And Kevin swallowed Daniel – because he _wanted_ to. No one could have been more surprised than Kevin himself.

 

Daniel turned around and fairly collapsed on the couch while Kevin got up, pulled up his thermals, and joined him, sliding down a little so he could easily keep fondling the other boy. That put his face just below Daniel's shoulder, and Daniel lifted his arm to give him a place to lean his head. Kevin was still trying to get over being so attracted to another boy's penis, and Daniel was trying to get over the feeling of being in the dominant position – the other boy's head under _his_ arm, snuggled up to _him_.

 

It was pretty neat, being the 'boy'. He was getting good at it, apparently. Moreover, it seemed that Kevin didn't mind at all being the submissive one. Cool! Oh, wait...

 

“Okay, Kev – now I'll do you. You want to-”

 

“That's okay, Danny. Daniel, I mean. I'm good.” Kevin was feeling mellow in a way he never had before, and wasn't really thinking about sex. Funny how it could feel that good to get someone _else_ off. It was a new experience. _So this is how he feels when he does it... Man. Live and learn._

 

“You... you are? Well, okay.”

 

They stayed like that without speaking for half an hour more.

 

Then Daniel asked, “So... you ready to go, then?”

 

Kevin got up from the couch and stretched, “Yeah, I'm gonna get dressed and go start up the sled so it can warm up. How you feel about Mexican?”

 

“Sounds cheap. Don't go getting' cheap on me, Kev. Besides, the deal was that _I_ was supposed to take _you_ out this time.”

 

“Heh, okay, okay. You and your 'deals'. You should be a lawyer. Be back in a bit.”

 

They dressed in their gear again – except Daniel didn't put on his balaclava or gloves yet.

 

“I say we have another drink for the road.” Daniel reached for the EverClear and poured himself half a tumbler. It didn't seem like that much. Actually, it was a little more than he'd meant to pour. The alcohol he'd drunk before was starting to buzz his brain.

 

“You're gonna hate yourself tomorrow,” Kevin said, “Hey - what time is it, anyway?”

 

Daniel turned his arm to bring his watch into view – thus pouring the glass of alcohol all over his snow-suit – a classic bit of drunken slapstick. “Shit!”

 

Kevin – just getting his gloves on - burst out laughing when he saw what had happened. It couldn't have been more perfectly timed if he'd done it on purpose.

 

“It's not funny! Fuck!” Daniel said, looking down at himself and fruitlessly wiping at the nylon.

 

“It's hilarious. And I'm never letting you live it down, either. You're drunk, Daniel.”

 

“I am snot!”

 

Kevin laughed so hard he couldn't talk.

 

“Oh... fuck you,” Daniel said, and began giggling to himself.

 

“Maybe next time,” Kevin laughed, and went outside.

 

_Yeah... yeah, maybe_ Daniel thought. He looked around trying to find his gloves. His eyes landed on a cigar-box.

 

It had cigars in it. And matches. How macho was that... Danny unwrapped one of the cigars, and lit a match. A piece of match-head flew off when he struck it on the box, and Daniel's suit _whoofed_ into flame. So did the floor under him. He screamed, trying to hold his head back and out of the flames rising from his own chest. He'd already singed his eyebrows off. His shoulder-length hair was burning, too. He screamed again, too terrified – and drunk – to do anything but stand there. His snow-suit's outer shell began to melt.

 

Kevin burst through the door to see Daniel standing there, flames all over his chest and stomach. He ran to the boy and grabbed him in a bear-hug, using one hand to bury Daniel's face in the shoulder of his own suit, for protection. But there were still flames, the hug hadn't got all of it, and he could feel the heat soaking through his pants as the legs of their suits caught fire from the flames on the floor.

 

He needed water. But there was none.

 

There was snow...

 

He lifted Daniel off his feet and turned around, running toward the door. Which had closed itself with a spring. And it opened inward. _Fuck!_

 

Kevin burst through the door without even trying to open it, Daniel's back taking the brunt of the force. The door-frame flew off, and the door with it. They fell six feet away from the shack, still locked in the bear-hug, Daniel still screaming into Kevin's shoulder. Kevin rolled in the snow, grabbing handfuls of it to rub onto Daniel's head, trying desperately to put out his smoldering hair.

 

All the flames were out. Kevin peeled himself – literally – off of Danny, and packed more snow onto his still partially-molten suit. Daniel had stopped screaming, but his hands were blindly grasping for Kevin, trying to pull him back down onto him again. Kevin resisted for awhile – until he was certain that no part of the other boy was still smoking – and then let Daniel pull him back down as he had been.

 

Daniel was crying like a baby, wailing, coarse and ragged. Threatening to break Kevin's heart. He tried to comfort Daniel as best he could.

 

“Shhhh... Danny... it's okay now... Shhhh...”

 

The shack was going up in flames.

 

“Danny, we have to get away from here. Are you all right? Can you walk? Danny?”

 

Between sobs, Daniel only nodded his head. He wasn't actually burned anywhere – although his ears felt raw – the thermal underwear and insulation in the suit had protected him from the fire.

 

“Okay, Danny. Lemme help you up...”

 

Once on his feet, Daniel clung forcefully to Kevin again, and they moved as one unit to the waiting snowmobile. Kevin bent over to set him down on the seat, then sat next to him. As soon as he did, Daniel turned to grab him by the shoulders and bury his face in Kevin's chest. Kevin held him like that for a long time, until finally Daniel's sobs had become sniffles.

 

Kevin asked again, “Danny? You sure you're okay?”

 

“Y-yeah, Kev... I'm okay...”

 

“We, uh, we'd better be getting back to the car.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Kevin checked Daniel out – his balaclava was gone, and he wasn't wearing gloves, either. No doubt they were in the burning shack. It was a good ten miles across the lake to the sled-house, where Daniel's car was parked. That was a long way to go in 30-below-0 air, not counting wind-chill. At least Daniel's helmet was still available.

 

“Here, lemme help you get this on...” It hurt going over his ears, but Daniel didn't say anything. That pain was the least of his problems.

 

After trying to wedge Daniel's collar up under his helmet to keep the wind away, Kevin said, “Okay, uh... put your hands in my suit-pockets and I guess we're ready. Still okay?”

 

“Yeah.” Daniel didn't feel like talking.

 

Away they went, in the black night, across the silent lake, under the unblinking stars in the frigid, moon-less sky. Kevin went slowly – no more than 30 mph, in an attempt to keep the wind from freezing Daniel's neck and hands. It was going to take awhile.

 

And Daniel, snuggled as tightly as he could against Kevin's back, thought about things.

 

After about ten minutes, Daniel touched helmets with Kevin and said, “Kev? Stop a minute, okay?”

 

Kevin didn't ask why. He stopped in the middle of the lake – nothing around for miles. Distant lights from houses and businesses around the periphery of the lake beckoned, tiny yet bright. Kevin cut the engine, and it was absolutely silent. There was no wind, so they both took off their helmets.

 

“Something wrong, Danny? I mean, Daniel?”

 

“'Danny' is fine, Kev. Call me 'Danny'. I like 'Danny'...”

 

“Uh, okay, but-”

 

“Turn around for a minute. Facing me.” Kevin got up and straddled the seat the other way around.

 

“Okay...”

 

“You saved my life, Kev,” Danny said flatly.

 

Not knowing quite how to answer that without sounding trite, Kevin said, “Uhm... you're welcome? What happened anyway...”

 

Danny took a deep breath, “I was trying to butch-up, is what. I was gonna smoke one of your dad's cigars. The match kinda... broke up or something. Lit off the EverClear.”

 

“Ah. Butch-up?”

 

“Yeah. Uhm... gimme a minute,” Danny said, and stared off into the night. Between the alcohol and the post-adrenalin depression, it was hard to think clearly about things, but one thing he knew for sure – he'd failed at trying to act like a boy. The way he'd clung to Kevin proved that well enough. Sobbing into his shoulder, burying his face in the collar of Kevin's jacket - taking comfort from his touch, smell, voice. Boys don't do THAT. He looked at the distant lights over the frozen waste of the lake and tried to think of a way to put it so that Kevin would understand.

 

“Trying to be a regular guy. Trying to be... like you. Normal.”

 

“Danny...”

 

“Stacey thinks I'm a trans-sexual,” he interrupted.

 

“Uhm...”

 

“It means a female brain in a male body, in my case.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Don't just say 'oh'. I want to know what you think, Kev...”

 

“I... uh, well, that _would_ explain a lot...”

 

“Yeah, I know. It would.”

 

“You sound like you wish it didn't...”

 

Danny stared at the space between them, “Fuck, Kev. I can't even be a 'normal' fag! Now I'm some other damn thing... what next? I'm so tired of... all of it.”

 

“Why... why were... I mean – I thought you liked being a girl...”

 

“It's hard to explain, Kev. I sort of liked... the _idea_ of being a girl. Or at least being _like_ a girl. But I thought... I thought it was something I could turn off, y'know? I thought it was just something I _did_ , not something I _was_. And... well, it seemed like... it was just getting me hurt. And it was embarrassing. But if I'm a trans-sexual, then that means... that would mean...”

 

“That would mean you _are_ a girl after all.” Kevin finished for him, getting impatient with the other boy. “Jesus Christ, Danny... I swear to god – I've never known anyone so hung up on 'what they are'! It's ridiculous!”

 

Danny looked Kevin in the eye and waited. Kevin soon realized what he'd said, and added, “Oh, geez, I didn't mean that... I... God. Shooting my mouth off again...”

 

“It's okay, Kev – I'm sort of learning to read between the lines with you. At least you say what you really think. Now tell me what you meant.”

 

Kevin swallowed. He'd expected one of Danny's outbursts from what he'd said. But Danny _understood_ him? Wow. He swallowed a second time, as he tried to figure out why he'd said what he did.

 

“I meant... I just meant that I wish you could just be _you_. You're great, Danny! You're fuckin' wonderful! Why do you have to be one thing or another? I... I just don't get why it's so important to you to call yourself 'boy' or 'girl'!”

 

“That's because you've never had to wonder about it. You _know_ what you are! You've got your shit together! You don't have to wonder-” Danny saw that the other boy was shuddering with suppressed laughter. “What the hell is so funny?”

 

“I just never thought I'd hear _you_ tell _me_ that I 'had it together'. Gawd, Danny! I don't know shit – about myself or anything else! Did you know I have a _boy_ friend now? That I'm apparently gay? That I _LIKE_ to suck dick?! Me? Fuck... I thought _you_ were the one who had it all together! I'm just along for the ride! I'm _nothing_ without...” Suddenly, his humor died like a candle blown out. What had seemed so funny was replaced with a different kind of light, arc-lamp brilliant. He said quietly, “I'm nothing without you.”

 

Danny let that sink in. Kevin _didn't_ have it all together? Well, no... Mister I-only-like-girls had come a long way from that, hadn't he... Calling himself gay – and in front of everybody too. Unashamed. Unafraid. He envied Kevin being out of the closet. _I mean, IF he really is gay. 'Cuz if I'm really a girl inside, then he isn't. Sort of. Gawd – this makes my head hurt._ Then, for some reason, Danny thought about the blow-job Kevin had given him. Successfully. There was something important about that...

 

“Kev? You... you really liked, uh, going down on me?”

 

“Heh. Gawd. Yeah, I did. I _totally_ did, Danny... In fact, I can't wait to do it again. I still can't get over it. Me. Fuckin-A.” Then Kevin remembered something he'd wanted to ask before, “You didn't... seem to have any problem with it this time...”

 

“I know. I think it was a lot of things – but mostly it was because you seemed to... _want_ to so much. I never thought you'd... or _anyone_ would... uh...”

 

“You never thought anyone would want to suck your dick?”

 

“Uhm... not really...”

 

“Why not? _You_ like it, why would you think that-”

 

“Because it made me uncomfortable that it was even _there_ , okay!? Because I didn't _like_ it being there! Okay?! I wished it wasn't!” There. He'd said it. He braced for Kevin's inevitable laughter.

 

But Kevin didn't laugh, and only said, his tone surprisingly conversational, “Really? You... oh, I get it. It's a trans-sexual thing, isn't it... Because you're a girl, having a dick seems weird. But... you liked the blow-job...”

 

“I know. Like you say, I totally did. See? Every time something happens, it throws a wrench in the works.”

 

“Did you really wanna fuck me?”

 

“Uh... well... sort of... I mean... Really, I kind of just wanted to see if you'd let me. But then... uh...”

 

“Hey Danny? Don't worry about it. When you wanna try again – I'm up for it, okay? Truth is – I was kinna diggin' it with your fingers... Heh. I'm _so_ queer.”

 

“You were? Oh, I mean... Kevin? Just tell me something: would you _really_ rather have a boyfriend than a girlfriend?”

 

After several moments, Kevin replied, “You're my girlfriend. And boyfriend. Best of both worlds, Danny!”

 

“Most girls don't have a penis, Kev...”

 

“Yeah, well... my girl does. And I like her that way.”

 

“What if... Do you... Uh... I could be a girl, y'know. Stacey says it's not that hard. Do you want me to?”

 

“Oh for GOD'S SAKE, Danny! I want to be with _you!_ And I want you to be happy! If you-”

 

“I could have actual breasts and everything.”

 

“If you want tits – get tits. If you want a vagina – get one. If you want a snowmobile – get a snowmobile. It's not important! Jesus H. Christ on a bicycle!”

 

Danny thought about that. “Actually... I _would_ kinna like to have tits...”

 

Kevin was doing his shuddering with giggles again.

 

“What now?”

 

“Nothing. When's your birthday again?”

 

Danny smiled, “I love you, Kev.”

 

“'Bout time.”

 

“You have about _THREE SECONDS_ to-”

 

“I love you too.”

 

“... You're learning.”

 

“I have a good teacher.”

 

 

* * *

 


	13. Fathers and Sons

Once in the car, in his ruined snow-suit and with nightmare hair, the alcohol and exhaustion began to over take Danny. He gave the keys to Kevin and fell asleep.

 

The bounce from a pot-hole woke him up, and he looked around. “Kev? Where are you going?”

 

“You said you wanted to go home...”

 

“I meant your apartment, silly.”

 

“Uh... oh...” Kevin's apartment was 'home' now? Kevin was dumb-struck. Really? Home?

 

“Wake me up when we get there.”

 

“Uh... yeah...”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Next morning, Kevin was just about to push the toaster lever down when he heard moaning from his bedroom. He smirked, and poured two cups of coffee – cream, no sugar.

 

“Mornin' sunshine,” he said, with sarcastic cheerfulness.

 

“Oh, god... my head hurts, Kev...”

 

“I bet. Here – I brought you some coffee. It'll help.”

 

“No it won't.”

 

“Drink it anyway.”

 

“Hey,” Danny carefully sat up in the bed, trying to avoid any rapid movements. Suddenly, he realized he was naked under the sheets, “Where's my clothes?”

 

“I took 'em off after you passed out.”

 

“You... you stripped me?”

 

“Yeah. Then I ravished your helpless body, roughly caressing your milky-white skin, and taking you tender peaks into my mouth while your turgid member-”

 

“Stop it!,” Danny said, beginning to chuckle, “Don't make me laugh - it hurts. Where'd you learn a word like 'turgid', anyway?”

 

“ _Penthouse Letters._ ”

 

“I shoulda known. God Kev... I feel so sick...”

 

“Uhm... yeah. Need to go to the bathroom?”

 

“Not really. Why?”

 

“Uh... oh, no reason. C'mon – I made breakfast. I hope you like your fried eggs runny. I like it when you break the yolk and it sort of just floods all over the plate and into the sausages. I like sausage rare, by the way. Pink and cold in the middle - hope that's okay.”

 

“K – Kevin...”

 

“Actually, I usually eat a few raw as I'm frying them. They're juicier that way. You should try it.”

 

“Kev-”

 

“Or, if you're too sick to get outta bed, I could bring you some sardines. I'll put 'em on a sandwich for ya. With mayonnaise. And ketchup. I like bananas on mine, but I suppose-”

 

Danny's hand flew to his mouth as his cheeks bulged out, and he ran to the bathroom to power-heave into the toilet bowl. Kevin followed him in no hurry. He dampened a washcloth and waited for Danny to finish.

 

“Y-you.. f-fucking...” Danny stuttered, still panting, saliva dripping from his mouth, and snot from his nose.

 

“But ya feel better now, dontcha... Here.” He handed Danny the washcloth, and got another one ready.

 

“I'm... I'm _so_ gonna get you back...”

 

“Here's a fresh toothbrush,” Kevin pointed to it, “Help yourself to my dresser and closet for underwear and clothes. When you're ready, I'll be in the kitchen. Toast. Just toast. You'll be fine, babe.”

 

_I'm SO gonna... Babe?_ Danny thought,  _Heh, I kinna like that... “babe”..._

 

Kevin wasn't even to the kitchen yet when he heard, “Aaaaaahhhhh! Oh shit! Oh shit...”

 

“Danny?”

 

“What the fuck happened to my goddamn hair!?”

 

“It was on fire... Christ, Danny... you scared the _hell_ outta me!”

 

“Oh my god... Oh my – look at my hair!”

 

“Be glad it's not your head. We'll get it taken care of. There's lots of cute styles for short hair...”

 

“I don't _want_ short hair!”

 

Kevin rested his chin on the other boy's shoulder as he continued to gaze into the bathroom mirror. His hands held Danny's hips. “Get over it babe. You'll still look cute,” he said, and kissed him on the neck. “You _do_ remember the fire, right?”

 

“I wasn't _that_ drunk.”

 

“Just checkin'. C'mon, get cleaned up – burnt hair smell doesn't suit you. We'll find you a nice beauty-shop after we eat, okay? And then we can go shopping for ski-clothes. That'll make ya feel better.”

 

“Uh... I don't know if I have enough money left to-”

 

“You can owe me. As long as you don't go buying more Evil Henchman gear.”

 

Danny chuckled, “Nah. But no pink – Whatever I am, I'm still not a Screaming Queen.”

 

“Okay. No pink.” Kevin turned around and went back to the kitchen.

 

Danny thought, _Well... maybe a LITTLE pink..._

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Okay,” Kevin said, just inside the aptly-named _Hair Salon_ , “I'll just wait at-”

 

“You aren't going anywhere, Kev. You're going to be here the whole time, watching me. I don't know this place – we're only here because it's open on Sunday. You're going to watch everything they do to my hair. Your job is to stop them if they do something bad.”

 

“How would I know if-”

 

“Can I help you guys?” one of the stylists, just finished with her customer, said.

 

Danny hesitated, “Uh...”

 

“Show her,” Kevin said.

 

Danny sighed, and lifted the Yankee's ball-cap off. Chestnut brown hair spilled unevenly down on either side. The back, on the other hand, fell down to his shoulder-blades as it had before.

 

“Oh my...” the stylist said, “What happened?”

 

“Uh...” Danny began, but was too embarrassed to finish.

 

“Fire.” Kevin added for him.

 

“Ah. Well,” she pointed to pictures on the walls – of male models, “we can go spiky, like that guy, or I _think_ there's enough for that look the blonde has there, or-”

 

“I like that one,” Danny pointed to a female model's picture, “Except – can I keep the length in back?”

 

“Ah, the Mr. Spock....” she said. It _was_ kind of reminiscent of the standard Vulcan coif, as if Mr. Spock hadn't seen a barber in two months, “... and, well, you _can_ keep the pony-tail – but that'll look dangerously close to a mullet...”

 

“Kev?” Danny asked.

 

“Actually... what about that one over there. The red-head.” Kevin pointed to a different picture.

 

“Too curly.”

 

“Well, what if you left off the curls?”

 

The stylist interjected - “That'd pretty much be a classic bob – you can go a lot of directions from there. Even change your mind.”

 

“See?” Kevin said smugly, “You can change your mind later. C'mon, Danny. It's cute.”

 

“Oh – all right. If that's what you think... You'll have to look at it more than I will anyway.”

 

It began – the whole thing, starting with a wash. The stylist's name was Sandra, and she, Danny, and Kevin chit-chatted about the fire (to Danny's dismay), mullets, and other things. Eventually, the stylist got around to asking her burning question: “Are you guys... together?”

 

Danny and Kevin looked at each other, but Kevin only raised his eyebrows and shrugged.

 

“I'm sorry – didn't mean to-”

 

Danny cleared his throat, “Yeah. Yeah we are. We're, uh... together. But, well... I'm not really, uh...”

 

“He's a little shy about being queer, Sandra. I think he's new at it.”

 

“I am not! I've been gay _way_ longer than _you_ , you... you...” Danny saw that Kevin was smiling at him. “You got me. Youuuu got me... asshole...”

 

Sandra giggled, “I thought so. I hope you don't mind me saying but – it's really obvious. You guys are-”

 

“ _SO_ cute together – gawd,” Danny sighed, “Why do I even bother... Everyone says that, Sandra.”

 

“Do you want me to leave a pig-tail?” she asked, “It's still cute – and won't look like a mullet.”

 

Danny looked at Kevin.

 

“Yes,” Kevin said.

 

“Yes,” Danny repeated.

 

“Seriously. SO obvious...”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Linda Flornoy – who's brother had set Danny up with his disastrous date - tapped him on the shoulder as Danny was making his way to the steam-table line in the cafeteria. “Hey Danny. Cute 'do!”

 

“Hi Linda. Yeah... thought it was time for a change. So what is it today on the line - you know?”

 

“Pot roast, I think. I'm sticking with the burgers – never can quite tell what it was they roasted in the pot. Hey, uh, listen. How come you don't ever come sit at the Team Table with the rest of us?”

 

“Oh. Well... I don't... uh...” Danny just had it set in his mind that it was _not_ going to happen this time, at this school. It had been bad enough at the last one, in Houston. He hadn't really given it much thought – especially when he'd seen just how homophobic St. Augustine's seemed to be, when he'd started there. On the other hand – that _did_ seem to be changing...

 

“It's been so _great_ since that senior Kevin Denner came out! Everyone's doing it now – or at least supporting it. My best friend came out to me – okay, that was a little weird – but gawd, Danny, it's like the Thing now and you're missing it!”

 

“Yeah, well... 'Things' tend to die down after awhile – and then everyone just feels stupid, and there's usually backlash. When I was in Jr. High, goth was the 'Thing'. Everyone was doing it. Then, a year later, if you showed up in all black with eye-liner, they'd laugh you out of the school. Or worse. And when you come out, y'know – it's not something you can ever take back and say 'I was just kidding'. So... I dunno, Linda... seems like it'd be okay now, but I just don't know if it'll last.”

 

“Yeah, I see what ya mean... I guess it takes a lot of courage to come out. If everyone were to cop out – well, I mean, the ones who haven't sat at the table yet, it'd be... then again, like you said, the ones who have _can't_ take it back... And the school can't do anything about it either – that'd be sexual discrimination. And besides – eating at the Team Table doesn't mean you're _gay_ ; just means you're cool with it. Just means you're evolved. Oh, come on, Danny... you don't have to say anything – just sit with us. Besides – there's some cute guys you might wanna meet. I mean _seriously_ cute,” she sighed deeply, “The _really_ cute ones are always gay. Why is that?”

 

“They are not. Just seems that way to you. Besides, I'm already taken.”

 

“Really? Not one of those college guys, I hope.”

 

“Oh, god, don't remind me. No.”

 

“I'm so sorry about that Danny – I could kill my brother...”

 

“All right, Linda – that's about the hundredth time you've apologized. You're forgiven already, okay? Forget it. It wasn't even your fault. It wasn't even _his_ fault.”

 

“Okay, so you're not gonna tell me, are ya... Come sit at the table with me, Danny.”

 

“Need me to protect you from the lesbians?” Danny joked.

 

“I can handle the lesbians myself, thank you very much. Rebbecca Dunlap put her hand on my knee the other day – but she was just feeling me out. I let her know I wasn't interested. No problem. Oh... wait, I get it – you're afraid of the other _boys_ , aren'tcha...”

 

“Please. Let's not get all immature about this. Next you'll be calling me chicken.”

 

“You started it...”

 

Danny sat at the Team Table with Linda. Before lunch was over, he was out of the closet. It was just hard _not_ to be when everyone seemed so... supportive. By the next day, he was a celebrity – the boyfriend of Kevin Denner, now referred to as “Gay-timus Prime”. People he didn't even know were asking to shake his hand, slapping him on the back, and saying 'way to go!' and such. Even a few of the teachers. It was amazing. The tide was turning at St. Augustine's Academy.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“So Kev! Daniel Rainier, huh?” Josh said. Kevin nearly sprayed him with 7-up, but Josh only smiled and continued, “Congratulations, you dawg – he's seriously cute. And that's from a straight guy!”

 

“He... How...”

 

“He's telling people. Word gets around, y'know. Although truthfully, I have an inside source – my brother's a junior.”

 

“He's _telling_ people?”

 

“Yeah. Hey... I hope that's not a problem or anything... I mean, you're out, and he's out... I haven't just stepped in a big pile of shit, have I?”

 

“No, no, nothing like that. I'm just surprised is all. I thought he was gonna keep it a secret. He was even kind of pissed at _me_ for, uh, coming out.” Kevin paused for awhile, and then said, “Heh. I 'came out'. I'm 'out'. Whoa. I hadn't really thought about it like that before...”

 

“Are you kidding me? You're fuckin' _famous_ for it, man! They call you 'Gay-timus Prime'!”

 

“Oh great. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard...”

 

“Hey! Don't go puttin' down the Transformers, Kev. I'll kick your ass, and I don't care if you're gay or not. Or, for that matter, how cute your boyfriend is.”

 

“All right, all right...” Kevin laughed, “Transformers rule. Happy now? By the way – you drive a pick-up, right?”

 

“Ford F-250 Heavy Duty Crew-Cab Diesel Four-Wheel-Drive Dually. 'A pick-up'... I'm insulted.”

 

“Sorry. So, uh, you think you could help me move this... uhm... Friday? I'm finally getting my own apartment.”

 

“Yeah, no sweat. Okay if I bring my brother? I like to keep an eye on 'im on the weekends... Make sure he's not hanging around the wrong bunch, if ya know what I mean.”

 

“Okay, that'll be fine. I'll text you the address later. So... a couple of gay guys isn't the 'wrong bunch'?”

 

“Don't be stupid.”

 

Kevin winced inwardly at the word, “Yeah – I get that a lot. Thing is, it wasn't so long ago, I'd have said that they were.”

 

“Seriously? You mean you _turned_ for Daniel?”

 

“Well... well, yeah. I guess I did.”

 

“Aww! That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard!”

 

“Cut it out. You're _sure_ you're not gay, Josh?”

 

“Hee. Hey – if you guys ever have a fight or anything, lemme know, okay? He's in the book?”

 

“You'd better be kidding...”

 

“Oh, I am! And _you're_ jealous! Damn, Kev – you make it too easy!”

 

“Fuckin' straights... I'm watching you, Josh.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Denner residence.”

 

“It's me, Dad...”

 

“Oh, Kev... Look – we need to talk. Where have you been staying? I've tried everywhere I know, and-”

 

“Uhm... Dad? I called because I got my own apartment now. I'm coming by tomorrow with some friends and we're gonna load all my stuff up.”

 

“Kevin... you don't have to do that. You're welcome to live here at the house.”

 

“I'll... uh... I'll be bringing my boyfriend with me tomorrow, Dad. He wants to meet you. Believe me – I tried to talk him out of it.”

 

“Your... so you're serious about that, then.”

 

“'Fraid so. Hey, it kinna surprised me too... And actually, it's sort of more complicated than that, but yeah, boyfriend. I don't suppose you could just sort of... get over it, huh?”

 

“It's just not right, Kevin. It's unnatural. You're not serious about it, and it won't last, but you'll be stuck with the stigma for the rest of your life. You're making a mistake.”

 

“Right. Well, we'll be starting to load up around 5. You gonna be there or not?”

 

“I'll be here.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“You sure you're up for this, Danny?” Kevin asked as they parked in front of his house. Josh and his younger brother Martin were already there waiting, leaning on Josh's enormous 'truck', as he liked to call it.

 

“As I'll ever be. There's Josh. Damn – he always reminds me of a bulldog.”

 

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

 

“Eww! Bad thing! Why?”

 

“'Cuz he thinks you're cute. I'd be careful, if I were you.”

 

“But you said he was straight...”

 

“Just telling you what he told me. He did say he was straight, but, uh... so was I, once. Remember?”

 

“Why Kevin! You're... you're _jealous_! Oh my god, you really are!”

 

Kevin looked at him gravely. Yes he was jealous. Mostly because he couldn't imagine why anyone like Danny would pick his dumb ass to get involved with. Danny could have his pick of anyone – gay, straight, even girl, if he wanted to try that out. How the hell had Kevin ended up with him? “Well, if I am – it's not a laughing matter. Anyway, C'mon. Let's go meet my Dad. Try not to take anything he says personally, okay?”

 

“Reminds me of the funeral, Kevin. It's not _me_ I'm worried about.”

 

Kevin's father was waiting for them at the foot of the stairs - “Dad, this is my friend Josh, and his brother Martin...” he paused while they each shook his hand, “And this is... Danny Rainier. My boyfriend.”

 

“Nice to finally meet you, Mr. Denner” Danny said politely. Kevin's father was shaking his hand rather overly-firmly, as if trying to make a point. Well – Danny had strong hands, too. He squeezed right back.

 

“Daniel...” Mr. Denner said, with only a trace of condescension. It wasn't his son's gay boyfriend that bothered him. It was Kevin's attitude about the whole thing. Didn't he know that homosexual relationships never last? He'd read somewhere that active gay people took more partners in a week than normal people did in a year – sometimes in a lifetime. If Kevin wanted to play around, then fine. Do it on the sly. Not like this.

 

Danny felt the tension between Kevin and his father. It sort of reminded him of how he'd been with his mom, before he'd come out to her.

 

“Okay, Dad – we're gonna get started getting stuff down from my room. Then there's a few things in the garage, too,” Kevin said defensively, trying to get out of the situation.

 

“Do you have a garage at your apartment?” his father asked.

 

“Well, no, but-”

 

“Then perhaps those things should just stay here.”

 

To Daniel, it sounded like they were both looking for a fight. He looked around and tried to think fast. There were pictures lining the stairs. Family pictures from the past, it looked like – a house here, a beach there, people posing with fish, a poster-sized photograph of a group of people on a golf course... No – hold on. That's not just 'a' golf course...

 

“Isn't that St. Andrews?” Danny asked, pointing to the picture.

 

“Pardon me?” Mr. Denner said to him, taking his attention from Kevin, “Oh, yes. Yes it is. We held a family reunion there, years and years ago. One of my favorite places on earth, St. Andrews.”

 

Before Mr. Denner could terminate the conversation, Danny said, “Yeah, it's nice. My dad and I played it once, when he took a vacation in Scotland. That picture's from the 18th green, isn't it?”

 

“Why yes. You have a-”

 

“Hey, Danny?” Kevin interrupted, putting his arm around Danny's waist and pulling him tight, “Maybe you two can chat it up later, we have stuff to do now, huh?” With that remark, he slid his hand down to the other boy's behind and squeezed a buttock – in full view of his father.

 

“Kevin...” Danny said, “Cut it out.”

 

“He's just trying to make me mad, Daniel” Mr. Denner said, and added coolly, “He's good at that.”

 

“I'm just trying to show him why I'm leaving,” Kevin said, sliding around until he was tight against Danny, face-to-face, arching their backs away from each other in order to have distance even to talk.

 

“Kev – what the-” and Kevin kissed him, but Danny immediately shoved him away.

 

“Dammit Kevin! Would you _grow up_!?”

 

“Who's side are you on, Danny?” Kevin asked. He was unused to being rebuffed.

 

“I'm not on _anyone's_ side, dammit! I'm just-”

 

“Well, me an' the guys got work to do. When you're done flirting with my dad, maybe you can come help. No wonder you wanted to come. C'mon guys, let's get started.”

 

Danny and Kevin's father watched as Kevin, Josh, and Martin tromped up the stairs, leaving them alone in an awkward silence.

 

“Uh... I'm sorry about that, Mr. Denner, he's just-”

 

“Was it your fault?”

 

“Uh... no...” Danny replied uncertainly.

 

“Then don't apologize,” Mr. Denner said, still staring up the now empty stairs.

 

“Well... then I'm sorry for... well, the whole gay thing. I understand you don't like it – your son and me. So... I'm sorry I'm a homosexual, I guess. That _is_ my fault.”

 

Mr. Denner looked slowly down the stairs until his eyes came to a stop on Danny. There were wrinkles between his eyebrows. “You're sorry for being gay?”

 

“Well... yeah. I mean, because-”

 

“No - no, don't explain. Apology accepted.” He seemed on the verge of chuckling, but didn't. “I'll check on you boys a little later. Oh – those other two, are they...”

 

“Brothers. Straight.”

 

“Ah. Just wondered.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Oh, all finished are ya?” Kevin asked, taping up a box-full of something. It appeared that Kevin's idea of 'packing' was to wipe each horizontal surface with a sweep of his arm into a box. “So, you two gonna date now or what?”

 

“Very funny, Kev. I was just trying to ease the situation a little, you know... Look – you're moving out of his house. Isn't that enough? Do you still have to be an asshole to him?”

 

“Danny... I love you - but _do NOT_ tell me how to talk to my Dad! Okay?”

 

“He doesn't seem so bad, is all-”

 

“Danny? I'm serious...”

 

Danny sighed. Yes, it probably was a mistake to try to... come between them... or take sides... or whatever. What was going on between Kevin and his father was their business. Although, frankly, Mr. Denner wasn't at all what Danny was expecting – and Kev _was_ being a brat. But oh well. Best to let it go. Especially in front of Josh and his brother – he could imagine how uncomfortable _they_ must have felt.

 

“All right, Kev. So... you're just stuffing boxes? Shouldn't you go through things first – see what all you wanna take?”

 

“I wanna take everything. Here – just start filling boxes, okay? Soon as all the little-stuff is boxed up, we can start dumping drawers.”

 

Danny did as he was told in silence.

 

Kevin's “bedroom” was _huge_ – bigger than many apartments. And there was... stuff... everywhere. Apparently Kev was a pack-rat, and this was what 18 years worth of “good stuff” looked like. He grimly began packing away CD's from one of the two – two! - six-foot-tall CD stands. Kev would no doubt have just dumped them out helter-skelter into a box somehow. Danny was doing it carefully, stacking them neatly.

 

When the box was full, he taped it shut and carried it downstairs and outside to the waiting truck. This went on, in relative silence, for almost an hour.

 

But Danny was getting frustrated. So much _junk!_ Finally, he couldn't take it anymore.

 

“Kev – this Nintendo. All these games. I bet you haven't touched any of this stuff in _years_. It's ancient! Why don't you just give it away, or _throw_ it away, or-”

 

“Sentimental value, Danny. Just box it up. How we doin' on boxes?” he asked.

 

“Uhm... we have lots. But Kev, c'mon, this stuff is junk! Why are you carrying it from one place to another? So you can finally throw it away after you move it a few more times?”

 

“I didn't ask you here to critique my stuff, y'know. Just to help me move it.”

 

Josh and Martin – about to lift the flat-screen tv - looked at each other worriedly. Outside, in the hallway, Mr. Denner was just coming up to see how they were doing. Hearing the sharp words, he stopped before he reached the door to listen.

 

“You're never gonna use this again. Does it even work? Do you even know?” Danny said.

 

“Would you just shut-up and put it in a box, please? It's _mine_ – not yours. I wanna keep it.”

 

“Uh, guys?” Josh broke in – he was looking for an escape route, “I think the truck's about full for one load. Don't wanna stack it too high, or stuff will fall off. I think me and Marty should make a run to the apartment and unload it. Then we'll come back for more.”

 

“Yeah, good idea, Josh,” Kevin tossed him some keys, “You remember which one it is? Autumn Woods, Utica and 51st. Apartment 108. It's on the key.”

 

“Right. Good,” Josh said, relieved, “C'mon bro, let's make a run...” They left gratefully.

 

“Okay Kev – we ran them off. I hope you're proud of yourself.”

 

“What're you talking about?”

 

“You're being a jerk, is what! Kev – I _know_ it's your stuff, all right? And I can understand being attached to some of it. But – an original Nintendo? And were you planning on taking that filthy recliner, too? Or this beat-up old desk?”

 

“I'm not going to sort through everything right this second, Danny! I just wanna get outta here, okay?”

 

“No it's _not_ 'okay'! You're a fucking millionaire, Kev! And you're asking your _friends_ to carry all this crap out for you! For free, I might add!”

 

“Okay.” Kevin huffed, dropping the tape-gun on the floor, “Fine. You wanna sort through all this stuff? Fine. Apparently _YOU'RE_ the one in charge of this move – so you just go right ahead. I'm _sure_ you know what's important and what's not! _You_ do it! I'm... I'm fucking outta here!”

 

“Oh, for chrissake, Kev...” Danny said to his back, but Kevin kept right on going, “Kev! KEVIN!”

 

Kevin stormed out the door and bounded down the steps, slamming the front door behind him.

 

Sitting on the un-made bed, Danny said to himself, “Fuck.”

 

Mr. Denner strolled into the room, “For the record, Daniel, you're absolutely right. I was nearly thirty before I even tossed away my very first computer. Hadn't used it in a decade. But I kept carrying it around – all through college I had it, although it was far too ancient to use, even then. Dragged it to Florida for my first job, then out to California. Amazing, now that I think about it. I had so many... things. Finally threw it all away. Except my telescope. Gave that to Goodwill. I'm sure _they_ threw it away - but I couldn't bear to.” He inspected the recliner, and thought better of actually sitting in it. He pulled out the desk chair and sat there.

 

“Yeah – he sure has a lot of crap. Sorry about all – uh, there I go, apologizing for what's not my fault again. He'll be back, Mr. Denner. And I suppose we'll have to take absolutely _every_ damn thing in here out... and put it right back into his apartment.”

 

“Call me 'Robert'. He did seem rather perturbed. How long do you give him?”

 

“Maybe an hour. I don't know what his problem is...”

 

“I'm going to guess two hours. Bet you a dollar. And his 'problem' is that he's anxious to get away from me, I imagine. Start his new life and all. Just him and...” He cleared his throat rather than finish the sentence.

 

“We're not moving in together, Mr. - Robert. I'm not quite legal yet – not for another year. But yeah – he's having a hard time, I guess. What with moving away from home and all. And... yeah, you. He... he, uh, says you call him... things...”

 

Mr. Denner sighed heavily and collected his thoughts for awhile before he spoke, “Yes... I probably have. What exactly does he say that I call him, if I may ask.”

 

“Oh. Well... he says you call him 'stupid' a lot.”

 

The older man considered that. “Hmm. I don't know what I should say to that. What do you think? Is he the brightest bulb in the marquee?”

 

“He _can_ be. I know it doesn't show much, but if you push him, he can come through. And he's really good at being able to tell things about _people_... It's kind of amazing, really... Anyway, he'll graduate okay. Did he tell you the scores he got on the New Hampshire Standardized Test? I helped him study for those. It seemed like he didn't even know _how_ to study, before I came along.”

 

“No... he didn't tell me. My brother did. His Uncle Keith. Keith seems to be closer to him than _I_ am... I get the feeling now that Keith knew about you, too...”

 

“Uhm... yeah, he did.”

 

“That figures. Everyone knows what's going in my son's life except me,” he sighed. “Anyway – yes, the scores were quite impressive. You did that?”

 

“Well... I helped _him_ do it, you might say.”

 

Mr. Denner stretched his legs out, then stood up and walked around the room, as if inspecting it. It _was_ wrong of him to have called Kevin 'stupid'... it was just, dammit, the boy seemed to go out of his way to piss him off! Oh well. At least he was going to graduate high school.

 

“I see,” he said simply, meaning to end that part of the conversation. Besides, he had other things he wanted to know, “I hope this doesn't upset you, but – oh... say, I didn't know he still had this...” He picked up an old beat-up baseball glove from the floor – obviously too small for Kevin's hands. “Daniel, would you mind if I kept this? I doubt he'll even know it's gone. I bought it for him when he was ten.”

 

“Uhm... yeah... Yeah, sure. Technically, he _did_ leave it up to me, I guess... You were hoping that what doesn't upset me?”

 

“Oh. Yes – I wanted to ask you: just how many... boyfriends... have you had, Daniel? I hope it's not too insulting a question.”

 

“Uhm...” it was rather insulting – what was Mr. Denner getting at? “Before Kevin? One. Back in Houston.”

 

“Really? Only one? I had thought that... well-”

 

“You had thought what, exactly?”

 

“If we may be frank with each other – I had thought that homosexuals took... partners... quite a bit more often.”

 

“What? Where the- I mean, where'd you get that idea?”

 

“I don't actually remember. Strikes me it was a reputable source... although, I'll admit, it was a long time ago.”

 

“Yeah well... maybe the leather-set in the gay-bars in New York City do, or Los Angeles. I mean, yeah, there _ARE_ gay guys who screw around a lot I imagine. Straight guys do that too, y'know.”

 

“I wasn't meaning to imply-”

 

“Excuse me sir – yes you were. I'm not a slut, Mr. Denner! Before Kevin, I'd never even – uh...”

 

“I've never seen an old gay couple around, Daniel. Have you?”

 

The man had a point there – no, he hadn't. On the other hand – with people like Mr. Denner around, was there any wonder? “No, I haven't. But if you _did_ see an old gay couple, how would you react? Maybe that's why you don't see them. Why would they want to make it known – especially to you?”

 

Mr. Denner frowned, still playing with the glove.

 

“Hey – I just remembered – I _have_ seen an old gay couple, sort of. That woman who delivered the eulogy at your sister's funeral. Was her name Birdie? Anyway, her name was Mary, I remember that. And she and Birdie had been together like 40 years!”

 

Mr. Denner only said, “Point to you. Mr. Rainier.”

 

After a pause to cool down, Danny said, “Yeah, well... I'm not trying to be, uh, confrontational or anything. I really don't want to get off on the wrong foot with you...”

 

“You will never make a bad impression by speaking your mind, Daniel. Especially when you're right – but even when you're not. It's rare these days to find people who will speak their minds without equivocating. So you believe that gay relationships are as stable as normal ones, do you?”

 

It was a direct question, and Danny took his time thinking about it before he answered. “It seems to me that 'stable relationships' are kind of rare amongst you straights, as well. I can't really answer the question, Mr. Denner. You're right – I've only seen one long-term gay couple. Then again... my mom got to see my dad for _one week_ last year, at Christmas. When's the last time you saw your wife? Kevin never even mentions her.”

 

“You now have two points.”

 

“Uh... right. Sorry – I shouldn't have made it personal, like that...”

 

“No, that's quite all right – I'm afraid I set the precedent for 'personal questions'. You still have nothing to apologize for – and you've racked up two hits on me in spite of that. I have to say – you're nothing at all like I thought you'd be. I rather imagined you'd be more like one of his old girlfriends... But let us not discuss that. You've given me some things to think about, Mr. Rainier – but you'll excuse me if I'm still unhappy about... well, nevermind,” he had been about to say 'my son's gay boyfriend', but when he'd reminded himself of Kevin's previous female acquaintances – suddenly Daniel didn't seem so bad a choice, after all. If only he could have been a girl! That would have made all the difference in the world! That would have been... normal!

 

And... that was the important thing, wasn't it? To be normal? Like everyone else?

 

“Do you know what I do for a living, Daniel? Has Kevin ever said?”

 

“No...” Danny could tell a leading question when he heard one.

 

Mr. Denner sat back down and crossed his legs on his knee, getting comfortable. “I'm what used to be called a 'corporate raider'. We were a somewhat unpopular breed in the '80s. Now we're seen as just another part of the financial landscape. What I do amounts to herding cattle – except the 'cattle' are the stockholders of corporations. The herd-mentality is strong in the business world, Daniel – I take advantage of that.”

 

“Uh...”

 

“I guess what I'm trying to say – in my obtuse way – is that being 'normal' is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. 'Normal' people never question anything – they take it for granted that someone else has done the thinking for them, so they don't need to think for themselves. Like cattle.”

 

“Okay...”

 

“So when some old fart – like me – begins to question your 'differences', don't let it get to you.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Yes. Well – enough business. So you played St. Andrews? How did you do on the 8th hole? That's one of the double-greens, you know...”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“... so then the Carnoustie Effect started to really get to me – I mean, I was right there in the frog hair next to the sand-trap, when I just got the yips so bad I couldn't think! I didn't even know I was trying to putt with a mashie till my Dad said something!”

 

Mr. Denner laughed, and as he did, both he and Danny heard Kevin's Mustang pull up in the drive way. According to Mr. Denner's watch, Kevin had been gone around 45 minutes.

 

“Well, Daniel – I'd better get out of here now. You're about to have your hands full, I'd imagine. Oh, and I owe you a dollar, apparently.”

 

“Oh, don't worry about me - I can handle him. And call me 'Danny', please.”

 

“Very well, Danny. Good luck.”

 

Mr. Denner left – but he didn't go far. He wanted to know just how well Danny could 'handle him'. He wanted proof that this... involvement... with Danny was more than just an experiment. And besides; it would be interesting. He already knew that if this argument were between Kevin and himself – it would only escalate. He hid in the guest-room, one door down, left it cracked open just a bit, and listened.

 

“I thought you'd have it all sorted out by now, Boss,” Kevin said as he surveyed the nightmare of a room.

 

“Where'd Josh and Marty go?”

 

“I sent them home. I didn't figure we'd get much done today, with you going through every little thing and deciding whether I could keep it or not.”

 

“Goddammit Kev... Why are you being such a... such a brat? You're not _usually_ like this... well, not this bad, anyway. It's like you got home and something just changed.”

 

Kevin picked around his various belongings, as if considering their worth for the first time, “It's because of _him_ , Danny. And you. He's just looking for an excuse to have it out with me about you. Oh, he was all polite and crap saying hello, I know – but he's watching you. He can't fuckin' _wait_ to tell me what a mistake I've made... I just know it. That's what he does.”

 

“Actually – he was up here. We had a nice talk. He's not... well, he's not so bad – but the way you act around him, I mean gawd, Kev-”

 

“The way _I_ act around _him_?! You've never seen how _HE_ acts around _ME_! Nothing is ever good enough, I'm a fuck-up, a slacker, an idiot! He tells me so all the fuckin' time! What the fuck did you two have to talk about, anyway?”

 

“Uh... golf, mostly.”

 

“He didn't ask you stupid crap about us? About how we met or anything? About... being gay?”

 

“Well... yeah, he did a little. Nothing bad, though. He didn't call me names or anything. He _did_ seem to be under the impression that homosexuals are constantly having sex with each other, which was kinna weird...”

 

“Figures. You shoulda told him that I'd – no, better - that _you'd_ fucked _me_ in the ass twice today. That woulda pissed him off.”

 

_He's not as juvenile as you are, Kev,_ Danny thought. “Look – he acts the way he does because you act the way you do, can't you see that? As good as you are at reading people, why do you have this blind-spot about your own father?”

 

“I don't _need_ to 'read' him! I _know_ him.”

 

Danny understood now – Kevin and his father were in a Mexican stand-off, neither willing to make the first move. But, nothing to do about it right now. Kevin was too hot, and just looking for a reason to keep the fight going – exactly as Kevin had said his father was doing. Pathetic. Stupid even. If only Kevin could see – wait. Danny had a germ of an idea – but needed time to develop it. Best to cool Kevin off for awhile while he thought.

 

“Okay – your dad, your business. Look Kev, I'm not gonna decide what you can keep and what you can't, okay? That wouldn't... I don't wanna be that way to you, all right? So let's just box everything up like you wanted. Tomorrow maybe we can get Josh and his truck again.”

 

“Fuck that. I'll just rent one.”

 

“Whatever.”

 

Mr. Denner heard them both resume their packing; Kevin dumping things into boxes, Danny carefully stacking them. He was a little disappointed – he'd thought Danny had been smarter than to just let Kevin have his way. The boy had sure _seemed_ to be on the ball, when he'd talked to him... He appreciated what Danny had said about how he and his son fed off each other's misunderstandings. That was probably true. _IF_ Danny was right about Kevin's “only acting that way” around his father. Mr. Denner didn't know how Kevin acted when he wasn't around. How could he?

 

He listened for another ten minutes, then decided the show was over, and made ready to leave as quietly as possible.

 

He was just shutting the guest-room door when he heard Danny say -

 

“Oh, by the way – I gave your old baseball mitt to your dad. I think he wanted a memento.”

 

“What baseball mitt?”

 

“I dunno – how many do you have? It was obviously from when you were a kid. You couldn't get your hand in it now, for sure.”

 

“He wanted that?”

 

“Yeah. Was that okay?”

 

“Well... I guess...”

 

There was another moment of silence. Danny's voice broke it again.

 

“Okay, this box is full of un-opened model-airplanes and glue and paint and stuff. What should I do with it?”

 

“Uhm... put it over with... no. Put it over here. We're going to make two piles.”

 

“What's the new pile for?”

 

“Stuff I'm giving away. We'll need a third pile too. Stuff I'm _throwing_ away.”

 

Danny didn't say anything snide, or humorous, or trite. Only, “Gotcha.”

 

_Well I'll be damned_ , Mr. Denner thought,  _I'll be god-damned damned..._

 

 

* * *

 


	14. Uncles and Women

So Kevin moved into his new apartment. It was rather barren: boxes stacked to the ceiling along one wall, nothing at all to sit on, kitchen completely empty, no bed.

 

There was going to be a lot of shopping before it was livable.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“I _want_ a water-bed!”

 

“Oh for chrissakes, Kev – what, is it the 80's all over again? Maybe we should get some black-light posters, too... Oh! And put in green shag carpet! High-five!”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Blinds.”

 

“Curtains.”

 

“Blinds.”

 

“Curtains!”

 

“Blinds!”

 

“Curtains and sheers and valences, with pull-backs and-”

 

“What the hell are you talking about?”

 

“Curtains...”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“But this one vibrates and swivels and rocks _and_ reclines and-”

 

“What about that one?”

 

“You gotta be kiddin' me. It doesn't even have cup-holders in the arms...”

 

“Excuse me, sir? - do you have these in taupe?”

 

“Yes we do, madam. All colors are in stock.”

 

“But it's _huge_! You could probably fit two... Okay, yeah. We'll take it. What's 'taupe'?”

 

“ _Taupe_ is the color that matches your end-tables.”

 

“Oh. What's an end-table?”

 

“Furniture. Along with curtains and the rug, it's all part of our decor.”

 

“Oh. What's 'decor'?”

 

“'Decor' is... is what I'm in charge of, sweet-heart...”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“... has three different sizes of saucepans, and a dutch-oven. The skillet will be a give-away – too bad, stainless and all - but the sides are just not deep enough to-”

 

“Fine fine fine – gawd, would you shut up and just _buy_ it? Shees! I'm gonna go look at plates or something...”

 

“Whoa – hold on there. You think I'm letting you pick out the plates all by yourself? I'm the cook. I get to pick the plates.”

 

“Oh god... I am _not_ eating off Spiderman dishes!”

 

* * *

 

 

“Okay... so... ya ready, Kev? She's probably gonna squeal. If you thought she was bad at the mall... it'll be nothing compared to this. You really do look hot in that tux, by the way,” Dani said. She had just finished her make-up, and she and Kevin were about to head downstairs to show themselves off to Dani's mother and sister. This would be the first time they'd see Dani in full regalia – including make-up, jewelry, perfume... the whole deal. Kevin was finally taking her to that concert – something about “Strings of Winter”, or some damn thing – Kevin couldn't remember. It was classical, it was formal, it was what Dani wanted. That was enough.

 

“And you're beautiful in that dress. But I still don't see why you didn't get a new one... I mean, I bought you that for a _funeral_...”

 

“Because I _like_ it, Kev! And... so do you. You helped pick it out. I like that about it, too... Besides – it's not like I need a new dress _every_ time I go out.”

 

“I just thought you'd want something new... I know how women are about that.”

 

“Shut-up.”

 

“And it would've been fun for me to go shopping and help you pick-”

 

“Okay, Kev? No offense – but you're getting a little too... 'gay', even for me.”

 

Kevin smiled at that. “Okay, okay... let's go show the fan-girls, then...”

 

There was indeed squealing. And now there were _two_ cameras.

 

“Oh! Oh! Back up a little more – I need to get the shoes...” Stacey said.

 

Kevin wondered, while checking what was behind him and he and Dani edged towards the fireplace, “Shoes? Why?”

 

“It's a girl-thing – you wouldn't understand. Men don't 'get' shoes. Okay, hold it! Cheese!”

 

“My little boy... all grown up... and her handsome boyfriend...” Mrs. Rainier said with dripping sentiment, pointing her camera as well.

 

“Geez Mom... why don't you just break out my birth video? Gyah...”

 

 

* * *

 

 

At the intermission, Kevin went to the restroom, then bought two Sprites. He found Dani still waiting in line for the ladies' room, but at least she was only six people away from the door, now.

 

“My god – _still_ waiting?”

 

“Suffering is a woman's lot, Kev. Just hold on to that drink for me, okay?”

 

“Sure. Look – the men's room is empty. I could stand guard while-”

 

“Oh, no way! The men's room? Gah! You guys are _so_ filthy in there... no thanks. Although – thinking about it – sometimes the women aren't much better...”

 

The woman behind Dani interrupted them, “Oh, that's so true, isn't it? I don't know what some of the girls are even _doing_ in there _..._ But at least we flush,” she said, smirking in Kevin's direction.

 

“Hey! We flush! ... Usually...” Kevin said defensively

 

“Sweet-heart?” Dani said to him, “Go find some men and talk about NASCAR or something, okay?”

 

“NASCAR?”

 

“Go _away_ , Kevin!” Dani and the other woman both giggled.

 

Kevin went away, looking for a conversation that included words he could understand. He didn't have much luck – most of the concert-goes were gray-haired. Or bald. Many of the conversations sounded like they were medical in nature... He glanced over to check on Dani - she was still two people from the door. It was going to be awhile. He headed outside for some fresh air – but didn't find it, of course. That's where all the smokers had gone...

 

“Kevin!” Uncle Keith shouted from the foot of the steps, where he was furiously puffing on a cigar. Kevin made his way between the smokers and joined him down there.

 

“Hi, Uncle. Didn't know you were going go to be here...”

 

“And I, of course, never imagined bumping into _you_ , either,” he glanced at the two glasses Kevin was still holding, “So... you brought a date, it appears...”

 

“Dani.”

 

“Good! Good, so – everything working out well on that front, then? All made up?”

 

“Yeah, we're all made up. She even calls me 'sweet-heart' now. And all I had to do was put her out when she caught on fire. Too easy.”

 

Uncle Keith laughed, “Do I even want to ask about that statement?”

 

“Probably not. I don't think I'm supposed to tell...”

 

“Then perhaps you'd best keep quiet, after all. Robert tells me you've moved out... I had rather hoped it wouldn't come to that.”

 

“Yeah, well... We never did get along, much.”

 

“I'm aware of that. But let me ask you this: did you ever try? Or did you presume that it was _him_ who should have put forth the effort...”

 

Kevin couldn't answer that. It had never occurred to him before that he might be responsible – in any way, shape, or form – for his relationship with his father. Since Dani, though, he was becoming aware that it really _was_ a two-way street. With a girl, that was obvious. It applied to parents too? That was a new idea.

 

“Well, no matter,” Uncle Keith continued, “At least you have Dani back to keep you on the straight and narrow.”

 

“Funny you put it like that...” Kevin said, making a pun out of 'straight'.

 

His uncle's face took on a more serious expression, “Not so much as you probably think.”

 

“I hope you guys aren't talking about me,” Dani said, coming down the stairs – under the many eyes of the men surrounding her, stealing glances. Kevin saw them turn back toward their buddies when he looked over, and felt a rush of pride.

 

“Dani! Hello again – I'm so pleased to see you two here – surprised too. I wager it took some arm-bending, eh?” He stuck his hand out in her direction.

 

She took it, shook it, and then proceeded to give Uncle Keith a Level One hug – mostly protocol, but a hug nonetheless.

 

“We women have our ways,” Dani said, smiling brightly at him.

 

The old man smiled, “Yes... I remember. Any culture or dignity I may appear to possess is entirely my late wife's doing, I assure you. You've changed your hair...”

 

“Oh, uh... yeah. Just thought it was time for a change. And that is a _very_ handsome tuxedo...”

 

“This old thing? Just something I threw on,” he chuckled – it was a $5,000 Armani, not counting several hundred dollars of custom tailoring, “Anyway – I'm glad to see you exposing Kevin to some of the finer things. The two of you should come back to my home, sometime. Perhaps make a weekend of it.”

 

“Oh, well,” Kevin said, trying to think of a way out, “I sort of promised Dani we'd go skiing next weekend...”

 

“Perfect! The Chedabuckto Slopes are right next door, you know. Well, twenty minutes away. You can ski all day, and we can talk all night. I _would_ like to hear about your plans for the future... and there are certain – other – things we need to discuss. Involving the school.”

 

 _There_ was what Uncle Keith was after, and both Kevin and Dani knew it.

 

“Uhm...” Kevin was still trying to find a way out of this, but Dani knew that the man wasn't about to take 'no' for an answer.

 

“We'd be happy to come up next weekend, Uncle Keith,” she said.

 

“Dani...” Kevin looked at her as if she'd over-stepped her bounds.

 

“Sweet-heart...” Dani said, mocking him.

 

Uncle Keith tried to suppress his grin, “Good – it's settled then,” he interjected while he had the chance, “I shall see you on Saturday, when you're done skiing. Dinner will be at seven. Oops – looks like it's time to head back inside. Dani? Kevin. After you...”

 

They allowed Uncle Keith to herd them back inside, then he excused himself to go upstairs to his box seat.

 

“Dani... 'Our plans for the future'? Do we have any?”

 

“Something tells me we _will_ after next weekend, Kev.”

 

“Great. Just great.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Gentlemen, ladies...” Headmaster Gottlieb said, “let us get started, please...” The small-talk and muttering quickly died down in the Staff Conference Room. They were all eager to know why the meeting had been called.

 

“As you all know, St. Augustine's has a long tradition, dating back more than a hundred years. We stand for Tradition, and Traditional Values. That is what the parents expect their children to learn here – and by God, so they will. I don't think any of you can have failed to recognize the growing element of homosexuality raising its ugly head here. I will not have our school become a bastion of support for the Gay Agenda, and I want to know what we are going to do about it. Now, we cannot just expel them – the press would love that, as would many a disreputable lawyer. But this phenomenon _must_ be put down. Any suggestions from the table?”

 

The Headmaster was met with silence, a good number of unbelieving stares, and several frowns. He misread the frowns as signals of agreement with his distaste for what he saw happening in the school.

 

“Well, perhaps you haven't been thinking about a solution to the problem as much as I have. That is my job, after all. Our first priority, I think, must to find out just how many – and who – we are dealing with. To that end – I want the teachers in all departments to start sending me the names of students they have good reason to believe have homosexual tendencies. _GOOD_ reason – that means reasons that will stand up in court, if it comes to that. Witnessed episodes of homosexual behavior or speech.”

 

“Lists? You want us to provide you with lists of names?” one of the department heads asked, not quite able to believe what he was hearing.

 

“Exactly. The first step in a battle is to assess one's enemy – wouldn't you say?”

 

“Well... I'm not so sure they _are_ the enemy... what harm does it do if a boy likes another boy?”

 

“Would _you_ elect such a boy to office? Want him to perform surgery on you? Pay him tax-dollars to design a city? Or even – teach your children?” the Headmaster asked, and then, without waiting for a response, continued, “No, I thought not. I'll be expecting some names from each of you by the end of next week. That is all I had to say, people. Meeting adjourned.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Didja hear, Jess? They want the names of all the homo's in school.”

 

“They do? Where'dja hear that?”

 

“My friend Dana – his mom's Mrs. Metarie – she teaches French.”

 

“No shit... how are they gonna know who's gay and who's not?”

 

“All the teachers are supposed to write down which kids are kissing and holding hands and stuff.”

 

“Wow... Like Nazis... Weird.”

 

“Yeah. Hey – wouldn't it be funny if _everybody_ was on the list?”

 

“Heeeee! That'd be hilarious! Listen! I know, in Civics - I'll kiss you if you kiss me! 'Kay?”

 

“And we'll hold hands when we leave! Oh, hey – no kissing on the mouth, though...”

 

“Deal!”

 

“Hey – you guys. Didja hear about the List?”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Kevin watched Danny pack for the weekend – his stuff was already in his car, which sported a ski-rack with two pairs of skis affixed to it; one old, and one new.

 

“You're taking dresses?” Kevin asked.

 

“Yeah. I think your Uncle Keith likes it when I'm a girl. That's how he thinks of me, I guess, since that's how we met. Besides – I _know_ how much you like it. Couldn't even make it all the way back to the car after that concert, remember?”

 

“Well... Okay, that was kinna weird. I dunno why – I just had this sudden urge to see what it'd be like to suck a girl's dick. Can't explain it.”

 

Danny chuckled, “So first you like boys, now you like cross-dressing boys, next-”

 

“I like everything about you,” Kevin said, while Danny thought about what might be 'next'.

 

“Uh... next... Uh... I forgot what I was saying...”

 

“You were about to say you loved me.”

 

“I love you. Thanks. I totally forgot.”

 

“You don't think we should, like, get out stories straight about our 'plans for the future'?” Kevin asked. What his uncle had said to him still worried him. Were his 'plans' for Kevin to be revealed? Did Kevin even have a say in those Plans? Uncle Keith was _so_ rich, and _so_ powerful – it was scary to know that the man thought about him at all.

 

“Are you _still_ going on about that? Kevin – I trust your uncle. It won't be anything bad.” Danny opened his underwear drawer and began selecting things – things for either gender.

 

“You just say that 'cuz he likes you. -Don't forget the green ones with the teddy-bear on the butt – they're my favorite. He's _always_ liked you. You've never been on his bad side.”

 

“Well, maybe, but when _you're_ on his bad side, what does he do? Nothing. Am I right?” While Kevin thought about it, Danny lifted a pink bra from his drawer and out it neatly in his suitcase. Then he stared at it, looking a bit forlorn.

 

“You're right. Uh... Danny? Something wrong?”

 

“Stacey keeps sending me these links about TG stuff. Testimonials, stories, places to get clothes an' stuff...”

 

“Why do I not think that's what's bothering you...”

 

“... and pills. Pills that... don't require a prescription.”

 

“Pills that do... what?” Kevin asked as gently as he could.

 

“Pills that – if they work – would make me more girly, Kevin. Pills that would... grow boobs.”

 

“Huh? They can do that with pills now? I didn't-”

 

“They're not approved or anything – all they have is testimonials and word-of-mouth. But... well... What if they do?”

 

Kevin didn't say anything.

 

“They screw with your hormones, Kev. Knock the testosterone down, stimulate estrogen. At least – that's what they claim.”

 

“You'd really like to have boobs, wouldn't you...”

 

“That's just it, Kev. I don't know. I mean... I like _not_ having boobs too... But, yeah, when I'm in drag... But I'm not in drag all the time. I... I don't know if I'd even _want_ to be in drag all the time, see? Even if I could. But if I had boobs... well, I wouldn't have much choice. I guess I could wrap 'em down – sort of a backwards _Victor, Victoria –_ a guy pretending to be a girl pretending to be a guy. I'd never be able to take my shirt off outside again... I think I understand why that was such a big deal to Stacey's friend now.”

 

“I'd like you any way you are, Danny. I know you get tired of hearing it, though.”

 

“I do not. It's just – you'd say that either way. I'm trying to figure out what _I_ want! Because I _can_ have 'em... 'real' ones, even. I just don't know... what I want... ”

 

Kevin thought for awhile as Danny silently stared at the bra again. If anything in the world were out of his league, it was this. He _wanted_ to say so many things, but in the end, this was Danny's ordeal, Danny's problem. Danny's body. There was nothing he could really say that would have any weight behind it.

 

“Danny? I can't really help you with this, y'know? I mean – I wish I could, I hate seeing you all bummed out like this – but I can't. Understand?”

 

“Yeah... yeah, Kev. I know. But if I wanna talk, you'll listen, right?”

 

“Of _course_ I'll listen.”

 

“Okay. I guess I'll think on it some more.”

 

“Maybe you should talk to some other, uh, 'TG's... see what they have to say...”

 

“I know what they'd say – I've read enough of it on-line. Anyway, could you put this other suitcase on the bed, please? This one's full.”

 

“ _Other_ suitcase? How many are you bringing?” Kevin had one over-night bag – and it wasn't even full.

 

“How many do you have room for? I still have to pack up makeup, shoes, toiletries, my hair-dryer-”

 

“He has hair-dryers, Danny...”

 

“He doesn't have _my_ hair-dryer, Kev. You wouldn't understand. It's-”

 

“-a girl thing. I know, I know...”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Skiing was perhaps not quite as fun as snowmobiling had been – but only because Dani had never been before, and Kevin had to teach her every little thing, including how to get into a ski-lift – it was good comedy - and then how to get off, which was even more so. Kevin had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing for fear of hurting her feelings.

 

Her ski outfit was mostly white – with rainbow-colored trim. Not exactly “effeminate”, but surely not “macho”. More along the lines of “metro-sexual”, and she _did_ catch people staring at her, probably trying to figure out if she was a boy or a girl. She wondered if it ever occurred to those people to ask themselves why it mattered.

 

By mid-afternoon, Dani was shushing her way down the beginner's slope, Kevin right behind her, watching her hips sway from one side to another. It was rather... entrancing. When they got to the bottom, she hugged him and squealed just like she had when Kevin had passed his first state exam. They hit the slope two more times and she did that every time, just like the first. Moments like those were why Kevin had “turned” for Dani in the first place – although there was no way he could have known that. Or maybe there was... maybe his little voice knew.

 

Then, it was time to head for Uncle Keith's estate – where Dani looked forward to a hot shower, comfortable clothes, and perhaps, the company of the man himself. Kevin, on the other hand, was dreading it. He'd had few experiences with adults that weren't either infuriating or embarrassing, and often both.

 

The butler let in them and showed them their room – they were to share one, which they hadn't really expected. He also informed them that Uncle Keith would see them at dinner. At seven. Sharp. Casual attire would be acceptable, he added with a barely perceptible sneer. When they got to their room, their luggage was already there waiting for them, and Dani was stunned to find it there.

 

“How...” Dani asked. Their bags hadn't passed them in the hall or anything... how the hell...?

 

“Yeah – I know. Full-time servants. It takes a while to get used to – they'll be filling up your glass whenever you drink something, bringing you napkins when it looks like yours is dirty... it's kind of amazing. The thing to do is pretend they don't exist.”

 

“That sounds kind of rude...”

 

“I know, but you almost _have_ to do it that way – otherwise you'll be saying 'thank-you' every couple of minutes, and it gets old for both of ya. Look at it this way; they're paid to treat you like a king. Just let 'em do it.”

 

“I'm not sure I like the idea of someone being paid to treat me like a king. Who the hell am I that they should-”

 

“Dani – we're in the world of _serious_ money now. Don't make waves, okay? I can understand not liking it - but you're not gonna change it, either. Just go with the flow.”

 

“I'll try. Now _I'm_ starting to get nervous, too...”

 

“Toldja. See why he scares me when he starts talking about plans?”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Dinner was actually a non-event. Dani wore a rather conservative pleated blue skirt and a white blouse. Uncle Keith sat at the head of the table, Dani and Kevin to either side. He asked about their day, listened to Kevin's embarrassing stories about Dani, and watched with amusement as she tried to embarrass Kevin back, usually without success. Uncle Keith kept the conversation steered toward small-talk.

 

He also noticed Dani thanking the servants for every thing they did, either for her, for Kevin, or even for Uncle Keith himself. It was charming. _She_ was charming, as usual.

After dinner, he steered them all into the drawing-room, where each of them took an (apparently pre-arranged) chair. Uncle Keith ordered brandy all around, but Dani changed hers to Coke. Straight-up, on the rocks.

 

“Now then,” Uncle Keith began, preemptively.

 

“Here it comes...” Kevin mumbled.

 

“Kevin!”

 

Uncle Keith only laughed, “This will not be the Inquisition you fear, nephew. I've asked the two you here for this reason: I have a certain model of you in my head, you see. That model has turned out to be... rather surprisingly flawed, of late. And the time has come that I really need to get to know you better. As we seldom see each other – I simply thought this might be the best way to do that.”

 

“Uh-huh. You said there was something about school, as well...”

 

“Yes, we'll get to that. Now, then – I said that already, didn't I – how did the two of you meet, if I may ask?”

 

“What if I say 'none of your business'...”

 

“Then you'd be quite right, technically speaking. Dani? Can you explain to Kevin why I have the right to ask him personal questions?”

 

“Don't bring her into-”

 

“Because you're related? Because you're not just some stranger off the street, but an actual, blood-relative?” Dani said, sounding not too sure of herself.

 

“Quite. Kevin – it's because my interest in your affairs goes beyond thoughts of how I might gain from the information. It's because I am concerned for _your_ welfare – present and future. So I need to know your past. It may be that I will play a part in your future – then again, it may not. So. Your first meeting, if you will?”

 

Kevin looked at Dani. She nodded affirmatively, so he said, “I saw her at a party.”

 

“You didn't know her before that?”

 

“I... uh...”

 

Dani filled in, “He knew me – but he'd never seen me in drag before. Uh, that means wearing women's clothes. He basically black-mailed me into tutoring him in Math and English. That's how we started seeing each other.”

 

“What are you smiling about?” Kevin asked his uncle. This was humiliating enough as it was.

 

“I'm smiling because that sounds more like the nephew I used to know. It will be interesting to hear how he came to be the nephew who sits before me now. So – he black-mailed you into tutoring him. Did he also black-mail you into becoming his escort to my sister's funeral?”

 

Dani told most of the story, Kevin filling in whenever he could – the parts where he _wasn't_ an ass. Uncle Keith seemed to be interested in the progress of the relationship – from enemy, to friend, to boyfriend, and Dani's part in it. They did leave out their “bad times” naturally, and Uncle Keith never did ask about their temporary break-up.

 

Eventually, they got around to the present, “And how are things now?” he asked.

 

“Well... we're, uh...”

 

“Have you said The Words?”

 

“What words?” Kevin asked. Uncle Keith only stared at him, and took a sip of brandy.

 

“Oh – those words. Yeah. Yeah we have.”

 

“So you consider yourselves 'lovers', then...”

 

“Yes,” Dani said.

 

“Good. So, Kevin. What will you do after you leave St. Augustine's? Dani still has a year to go...”

 

“Well...” Truthfully, he thought he'd just 'hang out' for that year, and then discuss what to do after that with Dani later. He couldn't very well _say_ that, though. “I dunno... Maybe-”

 

“He's going to go to the Community College. He's going to get all A's, too. Then we'll figure out which university we're going to go to. I still haven't decided what to study... I'm thinking 'doctor', right now.”

 

“Dani? We never discussed-”

 

“Yeah, I know we didn't,” Dani said to him, looking serious, “I can guess what you were planning, Kev. You were planning on doing nothing. I'm sorry – but you know it's true. I can't let you do that, though – not if you want to go to college with me. And you _are_ going to college with me. A good one, too – so you're going to have to catch up.”

 

“That sounds like an... uh... what's the damn word...”

 

“Ultimatum,” Uncle Keith volunteered.

 

“Kevin – yeah, okay, you have enough money and connections with even more – like your uncle here – that you could skate through your life without a care in the world. You'd probably end up one of those 'professional adventurers' who ski to the north pole or whatever, just because they can afford to. Well, I'm sorry – I've thought about it, and I'm _not_ going to waste my life like that. I'm going to make a difference. I don't know what, or how... but I am. And if you want to be around me... well, you're either going to help or get out of the way. Sorry for being so blunt, but it had to be said sometime.”

 

“Shit,” Kevin said.

 

“Oh, c'mon – it won't be that bad. Remember how you thought it'd be impossible to memorize that page of formulas? Remember how you did? And the globe, too? _With_ all the political boundaries, major rivers, mountain ranges, deserts, all those little islands in the Pacific? It's not that hard, Kev – you just need to _focus_ and _work_ at it! Don't you want to do something you can be proud of?”

 

“Why'd you wait until we got _here_ to say all this?”

 

“Because I expect it'll take brute force to get you to do it. I can't force you to do anything – but Uncle Keith can.”

 

“How you figure that?”

 

“I don't exactly know. I just get the feeling he can. There's no use asking him directly, either – he's too clever to just say 'yes, I can'. But I'm betting I'm right. So... Kevin? _Are_ you going to fight me about this? We'd might as well start right here, if you are.”

 

Kevin thought. One of the reasons he loved Dani in the first place was because it seemed he could do anything as long as she was behind him, prodding him, pushing him. No one had ever pushed him before. He'd passed his state graduation exams! How likely had that been, before Dani? He was going to graduate high school!

 

But college? Ivy-league - if he knew Dani - at that? Him? Dani, sure, no big deal for her... but, to go _with_ her?

 

With her...

 

Kevin realized, sitting there with Dani and Uncle Keith waiting on his answer, that yes, he _could_ do anything. As long as he was – with her.

 

“You're the boss. Boss. You don't need to bring out your Big Guns,” Kevin said to her, and then turned to his uncle, “Apparently, Uncle Keith, I'm going to Community College. Where I'm going to get all A's.”

 

Uncle Keith looked from Kevin's face to Dani's, and back again. They were waiting on him to say something, but he couldn't think what. Dani's outburst had caught him by surprise – he'd planned out this whole process – he'd even planned to interview each of them in private, later - and now Dani had obviated the need for almost all of it. _Damn, girl..._

 

“You are waiting on me to tell you want I intend to do, I think. Well... I did have ideas, yes... but Dani here seems to have taken my job over for herself. I'm afraid I'm actually speechless. Heh. This is not how I expected... Kevin? If you do nothing else, ever, you keep this girl. I mean it.”

 

“She's not really a girl, you know,” Kevin said, trying to sound like the smart one. He was feeling a bit like a puppy-dog being shown how to use the newspapers on the floor.

 

“No – please excuse me. You're quite right. I meant 'woman'.”

 

 

* * *

 


	15. Plans

The next day, Dani and Kevin went skiing again, then returned to Uncle Keith's estate to pack up and head home. Once they were ready, Kevin began carrying down the first load of suitcases while Danny – dressed for comfort in boy-clothes this time – went off to find Uncle Keith and thank him for his hospitality. In a house the size of Uncle Keith's, that was no small feat. The servants he ran into pointed him in the right direction, and Danny found him in one of the green-houses, snipping at roses.

 

“Uncle Keith? Kevin and I are leaving now – I just wanted to thank you for-”

 

“Where is my nephew now?” Uncle Keith interrupted.

 

“Oh – he's getting the car packed. This place is _huge_ , I'd have never found you if some of your staff hadn't showed me where to go.”

 

“Yes, the servants like you. Even Mr. Pitt – the butler – likes you, and that is _very_ rare.”

 

“He does? Ya sure can't tell... Does he know, uh, well, that I'm, uh-”

 

“Servants know all, Danny. There are no secrets from the staff. Not about anything that happens in the house, anyway. They know. Are you surprised he'd like you, knowing as he does?”

 

“Oh. Well... I don't... I never really thought about it, I guess...”

 

Uncle Keith put down his pruning shears and took off his gloves, “Danny – let's sit for awhile. Apparently I'm to have the opportunity to talk to you alone, after all – although, after last night, I wasn't sure I'd even need to anymore. But I think I should. This way.” He led them to a wrought-iron table and four chairs nestled amongst the roses. He poured them both glasses of iced tea.

 

Danny was understandably nervous – and it showed. His hands were shaking as he took a gulp of tea. “W-what's this all about...”

 

“I frighten you, don't I, Danny... I apologize for that. I may have been too brusque – I have a lot on my mind, these days. The things I'm going to say to you are not secret – or rather, not any more secret than you want them to be. I'll leave that up to you. You may tell my nephew anything you care to. I want to tell you my plans. I think you should know. And... I do not believe he is quite... mature... enough to hear for himself - but as I said; you may tell him what you wish.”

 

Danny breathed again. This wasn't going to be about _him_ then. Thank god. “Okay, I think I understand. And yeah – he gets scared whenever he thinks you have 'plans' for him. So... what plans?”

 

The older man smiled, “You must promise not to laugh, first.”

 

“Laugh? Uh... okay – I promise not to laugh.”

 

“We shall see. Politics.”

 

“Politics?” The thought echoed in Danny's head: _politics?_

 

“Assemblyman, perhaps.”

 

“Oh. Well, that's-” Danny began, a little relieved.

 

“Governor of New Hampshire,” Uncle Keith said – his face dead serious.

 

“Governor... of...” Was he kidding? He _had_ to be kidding...

 

“President.”

 

“ _Pr-PRESident_?” Danny shouted in disbelief. _Kevin? President?_ And again - _Kevin?_ _President?_ The images that ran through Danny's mind forced him to laugh, his promise not to was forgotten in the face of such absurdity. The old man was definitely kidding him. “Oh, yeah, of course,” he snorted, “Kevin, President of the U.S.A. Yeah. I'll buy that! Where do I go to vote!?”

 

“You promised you wouldn't laugh, Daniel...”

 

Danny continued laughing, but began looking into Uncle Keith's eyes, waiting for the smile lines to appear. They didn't. “Oh my g- you're serious. You're fuckin' – sorry, uh... You're fuckin' _serious_? _KEVIN?_ ”

 

“He has an air of honesty about him – does he not? You're inclined to trust what he says – provided he takes the time to think before he opens his mouth... Don't you agree?”

 

“Well... yeah, I guess, but-”

 

“But - he's not very smart.”

 

“Yeah! I mean – no. I mean... He _can_ be smart – sometimes... but, I... I mean... Kevin?”

 

“He is not in fact very smart, Danny – but he's smart enough. You told me once that he was very good at 'reading people'. What did you mean by that?”

 

“Well... uh... he seems to know how to handle people, is all. Like – he can just talk to someone for a minute, and know whether the person is genuine, or phony, or hiding something. But-”

 

“Let me put it to you this way: he may not be very smart – but he's able to discern those who _are_ smart. And genuine. And not hiding anything. He attached himself to you, for instance.”

 

“I see where you're going, Uncle Keith, but-”

 

“It may not go as far as 'President', Danny – I'm well aware of that. There is no way one can begin to guess what might happen over the span of – say, the next quarter-century. But I intend to find out, even though I probably won't be here to see it. I need to start laying the ground-work _now_ , Daniel. I know you don't understand that – twenty-five years is an unimaginable length of time to you. It is not to me. In fact – I need to hurry.”

 

“Wait... just wait...” Danny said, trying to actually wrap his mind around all this, “Okay – he does have this sincere thing going on – I noticed that right off, now that I think about it. When we first met. And yes, he would surround himself with good people, too. But... would people vote for him? I mean – let's forget 'President' for awhile – would people vote a gay man in for Governor?”

 

Uncle Keith didn't say anything – he just stared at Danny as if expecting him to continue talking. So Danny did.

 

“I mean, even in twenty-five years, it... I mean - we're still different, y'know. Most people aren't gay. Most people never will be. It may be more acceptable – at least some places – in that amount of time, but... but... If I'm still with him-”

 

“Let us hope. You are a key part of it all, Daniel. I don't think he _would_ ever be elected, without you. I wouldn't even be considering this, if it weren't for you.”

 

“You... you wouldn't?”

 

“ _Everyone_ likes you, Daniel. _I_ liked you right away. Mr. Pitt liked you right away – and I can't _tell_ you how odd that is. Even Robert – Kevin's father – likes you. He's told me so. Right away. The simple fact is, Daniel – people _like_ you; before, during, and after finding out that you're gay. And then they don't care. You see how it works? _THEN_ they don't care! Even if they know ahead of time that you're 'a man who sleeps with other men' - as Robert did, for instance - they _STILL_ can't help but be impressed by you. They _STILL_ like you! The combination of Kevin and you... It could happen, Daniel. You two could pull it off. And I happen to think that would be a _good_ thing. A _very_ good thing...”

 

Danny took a deep breath, and several gulps of tea. Politics? Governor? President? Them – a gay couple? And – not _just_ gay, either... what about-

 

“Uhm... Before you 'start laying groundwork', Uncle Keith – there's something you... might want to know about me. Uh,” he took another drink of tea, “well, you already know that I... uh... cross-dress...”

 

Uncle Keith nodded.

 

“Well... the fact is... I mean, there's a good chance, uh, that I'm... transgendered.”

 

“I don't know what that means,” Uncle Keith said, nonplussed.

 

“Well... it means...” Danny stammered – what the hell _did_ it mean? He'd read all sorts of technical definitions, essays, arguments – but really, what did it mean? “...it means... that, uh, I have... tendencies... that usually don't show up in males.”

 

“That could apply to all gay men, Daniel – males don't tend to be attracted to other men. So how are you different from 'gay'?”

 

“Well... You know... Yeah. You _do_ know, don't you, Uncle Keith. You know perfectly well how I'm different.”

 

“Yes, I do. I wanted to see if you could explain it. You strike me as a woman, yet you are a man.”

 

“Exactly. That's what everyone says. Except they add 'usually'. See, the thing is – I don't know _what_ the hell I am! And... running for any kind of office... I dunno...” Danny said, becoming a little frightened at the prospect.

 

“There will be questions asked...” Uncle Keith prodded him.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“They will expect answers.”

 

“I bet.”

 

“You don't know what you will say...”

 

“No...”

 

“I see. Well – you have years yet to come up with something. But let me tell you this: if whatever you tell them makes people _think_ – I call that a good answer. And I'll tell you something else – everyone questions 'what they are', Daniel. Perhaps not their sexuality, as you do – it's usually more along the lines of 'am I a good person' or 'have I done the right thing'. People like me spend a lot of time wondering 'what have I done to deserve all that I have'. You might remember that as you formulate your answer. But as well - some things are no one's business, Daniel. You don't _have_ to answer every question put to you. Not everyone will accept you – get used to it... if you aren't already. I'm betting that enough will to get the job done.”

 

Danny thought for a long time about the things the man had said. Uncle Keith was going to try to get a gay couple into office. All right – so maybe they were suited for it, in some ways, even if they _were_ a gay man and a... whatever Danny was. There was bound to be controversy. A male First Lady? And what about other countries, meeting _their_ presidents and Prime Ministers and such... Wasn't this more trouble than it was worth?

 

Finally, Danny asked, “Uncle Keith? Why Kevin, or... why Kevin and me, then... You must know a lot of other people who would stand a better chance... Why us?”

 

The king-maker slowly fished a cigar-case out of his pocket. He took out a cigar, cut the end off, and lit it – the whole process took almost three minutes – in silence.

 

“At the reception after the funeral, Daniel... Did you meet Mary Lowen?”

 

“The woman who gave the eulogy? Yeah, I did. She was your sister's... uh...”

 

“Wife, yes. Did she tell you how long they'd been together?”

 

“Forty years. I remember that. I was amazed.”

 

“Quite. Over forty years in hiding, Daniel. The both of them. They locked themselves away from the prying eyes of the world so that they could be together in peace. For forty _god-damned_ years...” Uncle Keith had a far-away look on his face as he puffed smoke into the air.

 

“Uh... so what's that got to do with-”

 

“I owe my sister, Daniel... I owe her.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“See Kev? I told ya it wouldn't be that bad. You should have more faith in your Uncle Keith – he's a good guy,” Danny said as they pulled out onto the half-mile long driveway.

 

“Uh-huh... Yeah – he didn't _need_ to make any plans for me. Turns out _you_ beat him to it.” Kevin sounded a little pissed.

 

“Oh, c'mon. I've been wanting to bring it up for awhile now, and we'd have talked about it... maybe fought about it, but eventually you'd just end up doing exactly what I said. You know it's true.”

 

“I don't like being given ultimatums, Danny. Even by you.”

 

“Kevin... I'm sorry it sounded like that. It was just that... well, that's how it came out...”

 

“I'm wondering how often it's going to 'come out' that way in the future, is all. About other things. Are you going to say 'my way or the highway' about _every_ thing?”

 

“I'm _sorry_ Kev! Jesus – okay, look. Forget about what we just told Uncle Keith. Let's talk about it now. Kevin? What are you going to do after graduation?”

 

“Whatever I want.”

 

“Okay, well, I have another year to go. And then, when I graduate, I want to go... to whatever school I want to go to. A good one. Maybe out of state. I want you to come with me. You don't care where you go... do you?”

 

“... Not really...”

 

“Right. So you'll come with me?”

 

“Well... yeah. Sure I'll come with you. But – maybe I just won't go to college at all...”

 

Danny stayed silent in order to give Kevin a chance to think about what he was saying. It took almost ten minutes before Kevin realized that he couldn't just “hang out” while Danny went to school... for who knew how long. Didn't it take six years to be a doctor?

 

“Okay, fine. I'll go to college with you. I have _no idea_ what I'd major in... it'd hafta be something you could help me with, I guess...'

 

“Oh, it does not. Kevin – you don't need me to tutor you. You only did for the graduation tests because you were so far behind, all you really need is someone to show you _how_ to study! Kev... you're not dumb. I don't care what your father said. _I_ know it – it's time _you_ knew it.”

 

Kevin glanced over at him as he drove, and sensing the movement, Danny looked right back.

 

“Seriously?” Kevin asked.

 

“Seriously,” Danny replied.

 

Kevin turned back to the road and thought a while longer. Eventually, he gave a deep sigh and said, “So I guess I need some good grades and references in order to get accepted – although I've heard that money is enough, most places. But yeah – I still need to catch up some... so...”

 

Danny reached over and took Kevin's hand, holding it on the center console.

 

“So,” Kevin continued, “I should probably go to the Community college while you're in your senior year. And I should try to get A's.”

 

Danny squeezed his hand.

 

“Oh – fuck you,” Kevin said, smiling and smirking at the same time.

 

Now _there_ was an idea - “Uhm... doggy-style?” Danny asked. They'd been too tense to have sex at Uncle Keith's house – the damn servants were _everywhere_! Kevin glanced at Danny again, but the other boy just kept staring down the road. 'Doggy-style' was the preferred position for both of them – but they hadn't done it that way since Kevin had hurt him. Was this Danny's way of saying it was okay again?

 

Yeah. It must be.

 

“If it's okay with you, babe...”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Mr. Rundgrin – the Geography teacher – was having a hard time figuring out what was going on when he saw his favorite student, Todd Spelzer, pecking Joseph Weir on the lips. They'd done it right out in the open too, and while they _must_ have known he'd be looking. Todd wasn't gay... Mr. Rundgrin knew Todd well – he'd been through not one, but _three_ inter-school Geography Bees with the boy! The teacher didn't have anything against homosexuals... but, Todd? It just wasn't possible!

 

And now, to top it off, here they were leaving class at the end of the period, last in the line, and holding hands! Was he supposed to put his star pupil on the damn list? So far, he hadn't put _anyone_ on the list. The list was... idiotic. The whole damned _idea_ was idiotic! Be that as it may, he _was_ seeing an awful lot of gay PDA – Public Displays of Affection – going on this last couple of weeks. But maybe that was only because he'd been told to watch out for it. It was a little hard to believe that there were that many gay boys and girls in the school. And now Todd Spelzer?

 

“Todd? May I have a word with you for a second, please?” he said to the pair before they were out the door. The two boys dropped each other's hands, and Joseph went on his way as Todd turned around.

 

“What's up, Mr. Rundgrin?”

 

“Todd... I know that _you_ know that I saw how you were behaving with Mr. Weir... And... I just... I find it hard to believe that you could be gay, Todd. I hope that's not offensive, in case I'm wrong, but... just what's going on here? Why would you _pretend_? And for _my_ benefit, at that?!”

 

“Oh, crap. Was it that obvious? I guess we were a little too out there, huh?” Todd felt bad for two reasons: one - he'd been caught, his act seen for the act it was, and two – he liked Mr. Rundgrin and felt a little bad about trying to play a trick on him.

 

“Somewhat, Todd. Now confess. Why?”

 

“We're trying to get on The List, Mr. Rundgrin. Everybody is. It's a whole 'thing' now,” the boy said, abashed. By telling a teacher about the joke, he'd ruined it for everyone.

 

“You... you _know_ about the list? Everyone is _trying_ to get put on it?”

 

“Yeah! Because, I mean, it's so stupid, isn't it? And... I dunno... wrong, too. Making lists. Everyone says it's like the Nazis did.”

 

“Yes...” the teacher agreed, rubbing his chin, “Or perhaps McCarthy. Actually, it's exactly like almost _any_ corrupt regime... Uh, don't tell anyone I said that. So – everyone wants on the list, you say. I suppose the rationale is that they can't expel _everybody_ , is that it?”

 

“Yeah. Exactly. Uhm... you think they'd expel people?”

 

“Oh, I doubt it. They might try – but most of you kids at St. Augustine's have family lawyers on retainer. They wouldn't get far. Uhm... tell you what Todd... I'll keep your secret if you won't tell any of the other kids that I know, okay? There _are_ teachers who think the list is a good idea – the bastards. I'll spread it around the staff – those that can be trusted. I suppose all the students know about it already...”

 

“Oh yeah – everyone knows.”

 

“Okay then. Look, Todd – I don't know what good it'll do, but you're right about one thing – whatever they plan to do, they can't do it to everybody. All right, thank you. You may go.”

 

“So... are we on the list?”

 

“As you wish. So you needn't kiss Mr. Weir anymore.”

 

“That's okay, Mr. Rundgrin – it actually wasn't that bad!”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Next week -

 

“JOSEPH WEIR! You get yourself in here _right now_ young man!”

 

“Geez!” the boy said, coming through the kitchen door to face his father and mother. The father's expression was incredulous, the mother's was one of worry - as usual. “What?”

 

“Firstly – I wish you'd stop saying 'geez'. It's merely a contraction of 'Jesus', and hardly appropriate for a Jew.”

 

“Oh. Uh, I meant, 'Oi vey! What?'”

 

“'What?' he asks. 'What?' Joseph... I don't quite know how to put this... It's just that we'd have never believed...”

 

“I _knew_ something was wrong with him when he didn't like that Braumenfelgar girl...” the mother interrupted, wringing her hands as if her son had contracted an untreatable disease.

 

Joseph – although he was still wondering what the hell was up – said, “She was a skank, Ma...”

 

“Joseph!” his mother exclaimed, “That's no way to talk! What does 'skank' mean, anyway?”

 

“Never mind that, Mother,” the father continued, “Now Joseph – the thing is... Well, we've just had a call from the Headmaster at your school. He seems to think... claims to have proof... that... well...”

 

“That I'm gay?”

 

“We prefer the word 'homosexual' – but yes. You - you know about this?”

 

“I made the list!” Joseph said excitedly, “Yeah, Dad – everyone knows about it. They want to find out who all the gays are at school – and me an' everyone's trying to get on the list. We think it's stupid.”

 

“So... so it's true, then...” Joseph's father said dejectedly.

 

“What? No! Dad... gee- I mean, oi vey! I'm not _gay_! I just want to be on the list to fu- I mean scre- I mean... uh... MESS with 'em!”

 

“It's not true?”

 

“Da-ad! Fer Chri... ying out loud!”

 

“Lists?” the mother interjected, still wringing her hands in worry. “I don't like the sound of that. Lists...”

 

“Neither do I, Mother... I don't like the sound of it at _all_... Joseph, suppose you tell me about this 'list'... Mother? Do we have the school's student directory around somewhere?”

 

 

* * *

 


	16. Of TGs and Men

The furniture and kitchenware were both delivered the next Saturday – a nightmarish four-hour ordeal for the both boys. Danny tried to get the living- and bed-room straightened out, while Kevin took care of the kitchen. It didn't help that he'd just brought home eight bags of groceries when the delivery men rang the doorbell. Danny's job was made that much harder when the delivery men brought up the area-rug _LAST_ , meaning he had to undo everything and then start again.

 

And then there were the little things -

 

“We forgot to get sheets,” Danny said.

 

“And dish-towels... I don't own a _single_ dish-towel!” Kevin added his own problems.

 

“And bathroom stuff.”

 

“Not even _paper_ towels! God – how could I forget paper towels!”

 

“I'll start a list... uh... Got anything I can write on?”

 

“No. Make that first on the list.”

 

“Got anything I can write _with_?”

 

“Maybe we'd better just go, Danny... before it gets worse.”

 

They made it back just after 11 that night, and trudged in and out four times each bringing in things from Kevin's incredibly stuffed-to-the-roof car. Once everything was finally in, they were exhausted, and Kevin collapsed on his new Lay-Z-Boy to stare at the black wide-screen TV before him. He was too tired to even look for the remote. Meanwhile, Danny called his mother to check in and ask if he could spend the night. His mother had never said 'no' so far, but Danny thought it best to keep up appearances anyway.

 

Kevin didn't listen to the conversation, didn't even hear the other boy come up to the recliner, didn't even know he was there until Danny got in with him, draping his legs over the arm and using Kevin for back support. _Damn... good call on the Lay-Z-Boy, babe,_ Kevin thought, _This is nice._ He pulled his arm from under the other boy's back and wrapped it around his belly. Danny leaned his head back on top of Kevin's shoulder and stared off into space.

 

“I almost hate to say this, Danny, after how we fought over so many things – but I really do like our, uh, 'decor'.”

 

“Yeah, well... You know how us fags are. All fashion and decorating. And hair-styles.”

 

Danny sounded dejected, somehow. Plus, he'd used the word 'fag'.

 

“Something wrong, babe?”

 

“My dad's coming home, in a few days. Doesn't know for how long, though.”

 

“I thought you liked your dad... You always talk about him like you do. Doesn't sound like you're very happy about it now...”

 

Danny didn't say anything for a long time.

 

“Danny? You saw him at Christmas... you're out to him – and he thinks it's great! What's the problem?”

 

“I think him and Mom are... having problems.”

 

_Uh-oh_ , Kevin thought. This was another one of things that was going to be out of his league, then. Kevin's own mother was little more than a distant memory now, not that he'd really missed her at all. Her career had always come first – even when Kevin had been little. It was a wonder that his mom and dad were still married at all... Not that his father had been having affairs or anything, just that his life – and her's too, he expected – were completely devoid of... of a partner. Of what he had with Danny... Of romance. And had been for a long, long time... “You need to tell him to keep his ass at home, is about all I can say. I don't think  _my_ mother even knows how old I am anymore. Every holiday I get socks and underwear.”

 

“It's not just that. It's... well, during the holidays, when he was home, we had lots of visitors and stuff... y'know, the house was packed. Now it's just gonna be me and him. And Mom. I bet Mom's told him about you – she's been telling him everything. She's... she's probably sent him pictures of me in drag, too...”

 

“That a problem?”

 

“Kevin... my dad... My dad is like Indiana Jones, okay? He goes out to god-knows-where, lives in tents or on boats, has to pay off the local militias to keep them from harassing his workers... When he worked in Nigeria, kidnapping was just another business. He was _always_ having to deal with kidnappers...”

 

“Okay – so he's John Wayne. Or Bruce Willis or whatever... So what?”

 

“So... so I'm not,” Danny sighed, “Forget it, Kev... You wouldn't understand.”

 

“You don't measure up to your dad. Oh gawd, babe – been there done _that_! Fuck ya mean 'I wouldn't understand'?”

 

“Like you and _your_ dad get along so well...” Danny said.

 

“We're not talking about me.”

 

“You're gonna have to meet him, y'know...”

 

“I don't have a problem with that... He sounds cool, from what you've said. You really think you're a disappointment to 'im?”

 

“Good sons don't wear bras, Kevin.”

 

“So you're a good daughter then... who sometimes goes bra-less. Topless, even.”

 

“Not funny,” Danny said, smirking.

 

“You're smiling...”

 

Danny elbowed Kevin in the ribs, “Still not funny. Hey – how the hell did your Uncle Keith find out about The List, anyway? He scares me sometimes.”

 

“Tell me about it. When he said he was gonna keep an eye on me... I didn't think he meant so _close_! I wouldn't worry about it anyway, Danny. People don't get away with that kind of stuff anymore. Someone's gonna crack. _Everyone_ in the school office can't be a raging homophobe...”

 

That night they went to sleep together – without having sex beforehand – for the first time. And it was _still_ worth it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

TO: [Admin] [Staff]

FM: [Office of Headmaster, St. Augustine's Academy]

Subj: PDA enforcement

 

It appears the problem of homosexuality within the school is worse than was first believed. As an interim solution, being as the school year is almost over, I'm hereby directing all staff to rigorously enforce the school's currently-existing, but sadly ignored, policy against Public Displays of Affection. The emphasis shall be on _homosexual_ displays of this nature – natural interaction between the boys and girls, after all, can only be expected. We may not be able to kick the queers out – yet – but at least we can preserve our appearance to the Community and preserve our own dignity.

 

Many of the parents I have contacted do not seem to be concerned about what is happening here, I suspect they see it as “our” problem, along with everything else they themselves cannot take the time to correct about their children. It does not help that we all live in a place where the Gay Agenda has taken a strong hold.

 

We must continue to be the outpost of what is Decent and Right in America– that is and always has been our Tradition at this school. I intend to keep it that way even in the face of Leftist Liberal encroachment.

 

Sincerely,

 

Alfonz Gottlieb, D.D. – Headmaster, St. Augustine's Academy

 

* * *

 

 

 _God... the man's really losing it..._ _I'd better keep a copy of this e-mail – it's just the kind of thing that no one can find when the shit hits the fan. In fact – I'd better keep a copy in a safe place. Actually... I wonder if I can copy my Inbox file and take it home..._

 

Those were the thoughts of Mr. Rundgrin – the Geography teacher – upon seeing the announcement. He wasn't the only one – but still no one did anything. There would no doubt be a few staff who _would_ attempt this “selective enforcement” - but they would eventually find their peers against them, it would quietly fade away, and everyone would go back to the way things were. Except for the Headmaster, of course. He _had_ no “peers” to measure himself against, and therefore considered himself to be the manifest model of Good and Right. He had proof that it should be so - he was Headmaster. It was his _duty_ to set the standard of conduct.

 

It's an old story – learn from history or repeat it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_I look ridiculous..._ Dani thought, examining herself in the mirror. She'd just come upstairs “to put on pajamas”, she'd told her father, but the night-gowns were right next to them. And her favorite one was on top; a simple pink almost-knee-length nightshirt that was supposed to resemble a football jersey, the number 88 emblazoned on the front and back. She stared at herself. She looked like a boy in a girl's night-shirt. Okay, a cute boy, then. Girly, at least. Kevin sure thought so... and... and Mom seemed to think so, too... and Stacey... 

 

But what would her Dad think? Mom was already in bed, exhausted after driving to the airport to pick up her husband, and now Dani's dad was down there watching the late-night news. Danny had excused himself to change “into pajamas”, he'd said. Now look at him. Her.

 

_Fine – maybe I make a cute girl. I'm still a boy, though. Even if Dad DOESN'T think I look ridiculous, I still feel that way... at least around him. I bet HE'S never worn women's... aww, fuck it. Why am I even THINKING about doing this?_

 

She continued staring while the answer formed by itself in her mind – _because this is who I am. Ridiculous or not. This is it. It's not a fetish. It's not erotic. I don't get turned-on because I'm wearing girl's clothes... I just... LIKE it! Maybe it IS ridiculous – but it's not my fault!_

 

She rolled her eyes to the ceiling to converse with the Greater Power that always seemed to live in high places, for some reason, _Thanks a lot for your help... Real funny. Ha Ha. Good one._

 

She took a deep breath and opened her bedroom door. She took more deep breaths going down the stairs – it was taking all the concentration she had to manage not to trip, her anxiety was so great. She was going to expose her true self to her ultra-masculine father – a guy's guy, a man amongst men. At least, that's how she'd always thought of him. The Model of Macho.

 

_Well... at least I don't have any make-up on._

 

Reaching the bottom of the stairs she could see the top of his head above his recliner. She took several more deep breaths – this was one of the hardest things she'd ever done. She walked zombie-like to the couch, staring at the television as if her life depended on what was being shown there, and sat at the far end, away from her father. She curled her legs up next to her and pretended to be interested only in what was on television. If anyone had asked her what was showing – she would have had no idea whatsoever.

 

An _extremely_ tense moment passed in silence.

 

“That's cute,” Mr. Rainier said.

 

“Thanks,” Dani choked out - her voice didn't seem to be working right, so that her attempt to sound casual about it didn't come out nearly the way she'd planned.

 

But the situation was really no better than before – those remarks were only perfunctory, and they both knew it.

 

“You've never...” Mr. Rainier began, but changed his mind mid-thought, “You mom says you do this quite a lot. Just never in front of me, I guess... I'm serious, though – you really do look good in it.”

 

Dani's eyes never left the tv screen, “M-mom bought it for me...” she said weakly, stammering. It sounded like an excuse, but she couldn't think of anything else to say.

 

“Yeah, She's told me about that. She says it sort of gave you two something in common to talk about.... To do together. You should have heard her on the phone – she was so excited. You guys were pretty distant, I guess, before you came out...”

 

Dani braved a glance in her dad's direction – yup, he was looking at her. She unconsciously adjusted the hem of her night-shirt, then abruptly stopped herself when she realized how incredibly feminine that must look to him. “I guess it did. I... I never expected she'd react the way she did... I mean, never in a million years. It was _SO_ weird when she took me shopping...”

 

Mr. Rainier laughed easily, “Yes – she told me about that, too. Apparently your boyfriend just happened to come and 'rescue' you. Something about an emergency football practice?”

 

Between her father's laughter and the memory of the event – and in spite of everything else – Dani had to smile, “Pretty lame, huh? Mom bought it, though.”

 

“What your mother knows about sports wouldn't fill a Pez dispenser.”

 

They both chuckled. This wasn't so bad after all... again, Dani reached down to adjust her shirt, and again stopped herself.

 

Her father noticed it, though, and thought he'd best say something else right away, before the awkwardness descended upon them again, “When do I get to meet the inestimable 'Kevin' I've heard so much about, then?”

 

“Oh – well... this weekend? Maybe we could go play a round of golf or something...”

 

“Does he... I mean, uh... well hell: does he cross-dress too?” Mr. Rainier asked.

 

_There_ was something that had never crossed Dani's mind before – Kevin in a dress – oh my god! “ _NO_ !” Dani burst out laughing at the thought, “Kevin?! No! Gawd... absolutely not! Oh... oh Jesus...” her laughter became giggles as images presented themselves in her mind. Kevin in heels. Kevin in a gown. Kevin in a... mini-skirt. The giggles erupted into laughter again.

 

“I see... well, I'm new at all this. Didn't know. I take it the idea is a funny one...”

 

“A little,” Dani said, the giggles finally dying down.

 

Now that the ice seemed to be broken, Mr. Rainier decided it would be a good idea to clear it away completely - “So Daniel: it was hard for you, coming down here like that, wasn't it... I hope we're okay about this now...”

 

“You have no idea Dad. Yeah... it was. Thanks for... for being cool and everything. I really didn't have any idea what you were gonna think...”

 

“Can I ask what you were afraid of? I mean – I'd have thought you'd knew me well enough...” he trailed off.

 

“Well... I guess... I'm just not exactly a 'chip off the old block'... I mean... I'm not like you. I wanted to be, y'know – for as long as I can remember. But... as you can see, I guess – I'm just not.”

 

“Uh... Daniel, I-”

 

“Dani. With an 'i'.”

 

“Oh. Dani – how oddly fitting – I never wanted a clone, you know. Never even occurred to me. I've always _wanted_ you to go your own direction... God knows it took me long enough to go mine. I grew up just _assuming_ that I'd do something along the lines of what my father did. That'd I'd be like him. I _never_ wanted that for you, for that very reason. Not that I was thinking... about, y'know, _this_... but in general.”

 

“I didn't know that, though.”

 

“Of course you didn't. How could you... I've barely seen you for the last few years of your life. I've missed a lot...”

 

“Four years, Dad. Four and a half.”

 

“Has it been that long...”

 

“Yeah. It has. Mom misses you a lot, Dad. So do I. When do you have to go back?”

 

“Ten days. The project should be completed in... actually, it'll probably be another year...”

 

“Another year?” Dani said, “Dad... a lot of things are happening here... Kevin, me coming out in public, things at school, I got caught on fire once, and then there's Kevin's Uncle Keith who-”

 

“Did you say 'caught on fire'?” Mr. Rainier's ears perked up, “You caught on fire? Fire?”

 

“Uh... it's a long story, Dad, and it's not really-”

 

“Dani – tell me about catching on fire. In fact, tell me everything that's happened for the last... four and a half years. We have all night.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Denner residence..”

 

“Uh, Mr. Denner? This is Danny...”

 

It had been almost three weeks since Kevin had moved out, and never a word from him. So a phone call – even from his son's gay boyfriend, made Robert Denner's heart jump a little.

 

“Danny! Good to hear from you! I hope you and Kevin are doing well...”

 

“Yeah... yeah, he's okay. Studying for finals, actually. He's sort of getting into it now that he knows how. Uh, anyway... I'm sort of calling you behind his back. I was thinking of teaching him to play golf next weekend, and-”

 

“Kevin has never expressed an interest in golf, Danny. It bores him, he says.”

 

“Mr. Denner – Robert – Kevin doesn't know _what_ he likes. No one's ever shown him. Did you know he likes chess?”

 

Chess? That was a rather... complicated... game for a boy like Kevin. _Ah. Yes – I'm doing it again. Apparently I just need to scrap everything I thought I knew about my son and start over._ “No, I didn't know that...”

 

“Neither did he – until I showed him how. So, uh... I've made a reservation at Hampshire Greens, for me and Kevin and my dad. Tee-off at 10 am.”

 

“What are you up to, Danny?”

 

“I thought you might accidentally show up at the same time, Mr. Denner...”

 

“... you thought... Well...” Mr. Denner was mildly shocked – gay or not, this Danny boy had some amazing qualities. What a great idea! Except - “You think that's really a good idea, Danny? I mean... I don't want to spoil your fun – Kevin and I don't exactly-”

 

“I made kind of a breakthrough with my Dad, Mr. Denner. It took way too long. But I guess it made me realize... you guys need to talk. Or maybe not – not talk _about_ anything, I mean, but just make small-talk, y'know? No big issues or anything. Golf-talk. He should have a lot of questions... he's never been, right?”

 

“No. No he was never... 10 am.? Hampshire Greens? Saturday?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I'll see you there. Oh – I mean, perhaps I'll run into you accidentally. Strictly cloak-and-dagger.”

 

“Great! Okay, well, good-bye, Mr. Denner...”

 

“Good-bye, Danny. And – thank you.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

It _did_ seem like a silly game to Kevin – hit the white ball until it goes into the hole, then do it again, and again, and again – but if Danny wanted to go, then that was good enough for him. Well, perhaps with one little change...

 

“You got me a _what?_ ” Danny said, trying to hide his shock at the unexpected news.

 

“It's a 'golf-skirt'. Blouse too – the whole outfit! Oh, don't look at me like that – I asked the sales-girl for help. It's nothing porny. Is there a problem? I thought you'd _want_ to go in drag...”

 

“Well... uh... I hadn't planned on... uh...” Danny stammered – he hadn't really planned to show himself to _both_ his father and Mr. Denner in drag.

 

“You hadn't planned on what?”

 

“It's just that... my dad's gonna be with us... So, we're not gonna be making-out or anything, and-”

 

“Making-out? Danny, we don't fool around _every_ time you go somewhere in drag. Gyah. And you said your dad was cool with it anyway... Look, okay – I presumed too much, I guess. I thought you'd like it. I'll just take it back.” The hurt in his voice was evident; apparently Kevin had thought he'd at least get a hug out of Danny for thinking of him. He began to fold up the skirt he was holding, feeling like he'd somehow fucked up again.

 

“No! I mean... uh... I mean – I like it but... well, for one thing, it's awfully short...”

 

“It has built-in shorts. See?” He shook the skirt loose again and held it open.

 

“Oh. Well, that's okay. I guess,” Danny said nervously, “Kevin... thank you, really. It's sweet. It's just that... y'know... my dad...” What was _really_ bothering him was the thought of Kevin's dad seeing him dressed as a girl. His own father – well, they'd already been through all that. Mr. Denner, on the other hand...

 

“Okay, Danny, okay – I don't want you to do it if you don't want to. You know that. I just thought you would, is all. You would if it was your mom going instead of your dad. You'd want to if it was Uncle Keith. You'd even want to if it was just me – or even if you were just going by _yourself_ you'd want to. I thought you said everything was cool with your dad...”

 

“It _is_ cool, Kev... But he's never seen me... y'know... with the bra and everything...”

 

“Danny, I dunno how to tell you this... The bra isn't a big deal. I never even notice whether you have tits or not. Uhm... that sounds weird. Anyway, I can't explain why... but you're making a big deal out of nothing.”

 

“It's not 'nothing', Kev. People treat you different depending on whether you're a boy or a girl. It _is_ a big deal!”

 

“I wouldn't know,” Kevin said, wondering why Danny was getting so worked up, “All I know is: you're more fun to be with – especially when there's other people around – when you're a girl. You're just... more... uhm-”

 

That was true, and Danny knew it. He _was_ more 'uhm' as a girl. “Oh, all right. I'll do it. I just hope it doesn't... freak anyone,” he said, and then caught his faux-pas, “My dad, I mean. Here – lemme try this stuff on. Damn! – all my bras are at home...”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“But what can we do?” was the tone of the murmuring.

 

“Look,” another voice – louder than the rest – said, “all of us here think this List business is... worrisome, to say the least. But so far – aside from calling a few of us parents, he hasn't actually _done_ anything. I daresay he got enough irate responses from us that Mr. Gottlieb has given up that tactic... Although, I do feel sorry for any of the boys or girls who's parents might be... well, like Mr. Gottlieb.”

 

“He's not going to stop at just calling the parents, though. Did you see the e-mail?”

 

There were many assenting noises, and other's to the effect of “What e-mail?”

 

“No PDA at the school? God, man... I mean, I know it's a rule – it was in my high school days too – but everyone knows it's bullshit.”

 

“You folks realize the Prom is coming up? Think it'll be 'No PDA' at the Prom?”

 

More murmuring, with the words “the Prom?” scattered here and there.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It took a while for Mr. Rainier to get over seeing his son as a woman – fully a woman – for the first time. He knew his son was 'on the feminine' side, and he actually thought that was kind of cool. Seeing him in the football jersey night-shirt – well, his first reaction had been; _damn, he DOES look cute that way.._.

 

But when he found himself mentally thinking of his son as _her_... Well, that just felt strange, is all. He hadn't expected that. The picture his wife had sent him of Danny decked out in the black dress had been a non-event – so the boy was wearing a dress? So what? Besides, he looked good in it...

 

The difference now was that he could _see_ and _hear_ how Danny behaved. And just like everyone else, he found that his son somehow just _seemed_ like a girl ought to seem. It was like a wake-up slap in the face – no, he's not _acting_. Danny... Danny was a girl.

 

And a nice one, too.

 

Mr. Rainier had thought he had a good imagination. Man... Life is stranger than fiction, eh? He kept shaking his head as he made his way to the Pro Shop to rent some clubs.

 

“Oh shit!” Kevin whispered to Dani as she retrieved her golf-bag from her locker, “My dad's here! Don't look... oh fuck...”

 

“Kevin? And... uhm... Daniel?” Mr. Denner said, feigning surprise at seeing Kevin there – but truly surprised by Dani.

 

This was almost as embarrassing for Dani as wearing the nightgown in front of her father had been, “Oh, Mr. Denner! What a coincidence... uh... and call me 'Dani'. With an 'i'.” She stuck out her hand.

 

Mr. Denner stared at it: painted nails, feminine costume jewelry. The fine hairs on her arm. _His_ arm... This was just too much...

 

“You're a transvestite too, then...” he said, still staring at the outstretched hand.

 

There was, of course, a lot more to it than 'being a transvestite'... although, technically, using the definition of the root words – yes, Dani was a transvestite. Another label. Did Mr. Denner want to hear the details, the nuances, the shades of meaning as to whether Dani qualified as 'transvestite'? No, he didn't. Dani knew that.

 

“Yes,” she said, giving up on the offer of a handshake.

 

“Dad – fuck off. Dani, let's go. You dad will be waiting for us by now on the first... thingy,” Kevin said. He expected his father to be disgusted at seeing Dani in drag, and he saw exactly that – although it wasn't exactly true.

 

“'Tee', Kev. First tee. Yeah, uh...” Dani hesitated – the way Mr. Denner was acting, it didn't seem likely that he'd want to accompany them now... still, it _would_ be polite to ask, “Would you care to join our group, Mr. -”

 

“ _Dani_!” Kevin cried, “Are you crazy? _No_ he doesn't want to-”

 

“Yes... that is-” Mr. Denner interrupted, finally overcoming his initial shock and remembering why he was there. After accepting Danny as a gay boy, he'd at least had prior experience with new ideas - it's just that they were such... _odd_ ideas. “Kevin – just a moment. I apologize, Daniel. Dani, I mean.” He stuck out his hand, “It's just that this... stuff... is rather new to me. I'm afraid I don't know what to think about it all...”

 

“Look, Dad. This is supposed to be a _fun_ day for us, okay? You're just going to make _me_ feel stupid, make _her_ feel embarrassed... and God knows what you're going to think of her father - he's cool with everything, so you'll probably hate him, too. So why don't you just get in your little cart and-”

 

“I don't 'hate' anyone, Kevin. And... I'm sorry that I used to make you feel stupid. Believe it or not, I never really intended to do that... even if I have used those very words. It's... difficult to... make excuses for – put it that way. Perhaps... perhaps now that you're out on your own, we can try again? Make a fresh start...”

 

Kevin was speechless. _His father_ was making him an offer? He'd never done that before... was it a trick of some sort? No... No, that didn't feel right. But why would he.... it wasn't like him... not like how Kevin thought of him, anyway...

 

Dani broke his reverie, “Apology accepted, Mr. - uh, Robert. Kev? C'mon – it'll be a father-and-son kind of day. Well... sort of.”

 

“Okay Dani. Yeah, Dad,” Kevin said sarcastically, “Please join us. But you make one 'fag' joke – and we're outta here.”

 

Dani smirked, “So _that's_ where you learned those from, huh?”

 

Robert looked at his son questioningly, one eyebrow raised.

 

“Dani – shut up,” Kevin said, “Gawd, this is gonna be a weird day... Let's get to that first... thingy.”

 

Dani and Robert said simultaneously - “ _Tee_ , Kevin!”

 

Mr. Rainier was indeed there waiting for them, checking his watch. Introductions were made, hands were shook, the two adult businessmen falling into their adult business-like personas out of habit. There was some tension – enough that everyone used the excuse of politeness on the tee as a reason to keep quiet. Dani went first – as the lady of the group, after all. Then it was Kevin's turn – and he'd never swung a club before in his life.

 

Five balls later – Kevin kept slicing severely to the left, until his father corrected his grip – the two fathers tee'd off, and they began walking up the fairway. Dani hadn't rented a cart on purpose, just so they'd have the time to talk.

 

The father's made small talk to start with – what they did, how they did it, other golf-courses they'd both been to. Then they got around to what they both _really_ wanted to discuss – Dani. Robert, for his part, was curious about how the other man felt about having a cross-dressing gay son, and Theodore – Dani's father – wanted to know just exactly what Robert thought about Dani, too. Theodore (“Ted”) was still getting used to his son being a daughter, and Robert was still working on trying to figure out exactly what kind of boy, or girl, or whatever, his son Kevin was involved with.

 

It was almost easier for Robert to deal with Dani as a girl – except for the nagging fact that Dani was _not_ , in fact, a girl. Dani was a boy. Kevin's girlfriend was a boy. That girl up at the tee with the short skirt and nice legs... was a boy. Both men were having complicated thoughts about that.

 

Robert started them off - “Dani's quite the golfer...” he said, as Dani was helping Kevin tee off again. It was likely to take a while.

 

“She's been at it a long time – we used to go almost every weekend, when she was little.”

 

“You call her 'she'...” Robert observed.

 

“Well... yeah. I'm still getting used to it, actually. My son the daughter. Kevin and her seem quite comfortable with each other, though...”

 

“Really... Kevin told me that you were 'cool with everything'... I have to confess – I have mixed feelings about it, still. There's a certain amount of – stigma – attached to it, you know.”

 

“I do know. And despite that – there they are. Can you imagine what kind of guts that must take? You should have seen her when she first came downstairs in a night-gown. I was afraid her face was going to bleed, she was so red.”

 

“I suppose,” Robert said. In fact – he had _not_ thought at all about 'what kind of guts it must take' – but now that he'd mentioned it, Ted had a point about that.

 

“So – when did Kevin come out to you, then?” Ted asked.

 

“Oh. Something over a month ago. I'm... I'm afraid I didn't take it well, at the time. In fact, I thought he was saying that just to spite me – which he was. I haven't been very close to my son for some time. That's why I'm here now, truthfully.” He could say that because they were far enough away from their sons – and talking low enough – that Dani and Kevin wouldn't be able to hear them. Nonetheless – Dani and Kevin could hear enough...

 

“They're talking about us, Dani...”

 

“I know. What did you expect? I _knew_ I shouldn't have come in drag...”

 

“You couldn't have known that my dad was gonna show up.”

 

“Uh...” Shit. Was she going to lie to Kevin? Kevin made a point of never lying to her... Hell. “Actually, Kev... I did. I called him and told him when we were going to be here. I just thought you needed to talk with your dad some, Kev... Please don't be mad at me.”

 

Kevin smiled to himself. Of course. “I should be, y'know. I have every right to be mad at you, Dani...”

 

“But?”

 

“But you wore the skirt I bought for you – so I can't be. Now – what was that thing about follow-through, again?”

 

One crisis averted. Two holes later, there would be another.

 

“Do you have a... problem... with my son cross-dressing, Robert?” Theodore said. They'd been discussing it previously, and now it was coming to a head.

 

“Hey – not my problem. But it _is_ going to be a factor in her life. Would _you_ hire a cross-dresser to work for you?”

 

“As a matter of fact – I would.”

 

“Maybe. You'd think twice about it, though. Maybe more than twice?”

 

Hearing Robert say that – and knowing it was true – was a little infuriating. Ted was proud of his sexual-awareness. He'd been fascinated by all things gender for years now – hence his homosexual romance-writing hobby. But that was fantasy. Now it was hitting home – and things weren't quite so sunshine-and-roses as they were in his stories... For one thing: stories end. Dani and Kevin, however, were going to go on, and on, and on. They were going to have to deal with this constantly, and forever. And there was nothing Ted could do about it. Most of the time, he wouldn't even be around...

 

Guilt put Dani's father on the defensive even more than he had been before.

 

“The world is changing, Robert. Catch up, or get left behind.”

 

“Perhaps – or perhaps that's just what you _want_ to see. Every cult thinks their's is the 'fastest growing'.”

 

“Homosexuality isn't a 'cult'.”

 

“No – but they are outside the norm, even you will have to admit. Society treats people outside the norm as if they _were_ a cult.”

 

“Look at them, Robert! Have you ever seen a more 'normal' couple?”

 

That was true. If Robert hadn't known ahead of time that Daniel was male, he _would_ have said they were a normal, cute, couple. Couple. Two boys... One of them his son. There _had_ to be a problem with that! Somewhere!

 

The men's voices had risen enough that Kevin and Dani were hearing every word now – but they ignored it as best they could. Dani was just embarrassed at being the subject of conversation – this wasn't why she'd set all this up, after all - so she was a little sad about it going this way. But Kevin... Kevin was getting mad at _both_ men.

 

Robert said, “Yes – they _look_ like a 'normal couple', as you say. But you and I both know that they aren't! And they won't be able to hide it from everyone – word will get out. She doesn't cross-dress _all_ the time, you know.”

 

“Ah ha! So you call her 'she' now, too! Did you notice that? I'd say the value of 'normal' might be something you need to think about. Our kids aren't 'normal' – they're gay. And mine makes for a fine woman! I have no problem with that – why do you?!”

 

“Because, Ted-” Robert was cut off -

 

“ _GUYS!!_ Would you give it a _rest_?!” Kevin shouted at them, “You're standing there feeding off each other! Dad – you're trying to prove to Ted why me and Dani are a Bad Thing – because you just can't bring yourself to admit that it isn't, even though you can _SEE_ that it isn't! You know it! And Ted – you're pushing my dad's buttons on purpose because you're not so sure _yourself_ how you really feel about us - her, me, any of it! So both of ya just SHUT THE HELL UP!” He turned back towards Dani, “Dani – you're beautiful and I love you – but this wasn't one of your best ideas. Now everyone just be quiet while I hit the stupid little white ball and make it go into the stupid little round hole! GAWD!”

 

All three of them stared at Kevin while he swung. The stupid little white ball flew straight and high, and landed on the green. Apparently a little focus – no matter what it was directed towards – was just what Kevin needed.

 

Robert and Ted were still staring. “He's right, you know,” Ted said.

 

“Yes. I noticed that...”

 

Dani, walking up to them to take her place, stuck out her tongue at Robert – who stared at her in consternation, and then looked over to Ted and started to say, “Did you see-” only to find him trying to hide his grin. Things lightened up after that.

 

Ted Rainier eventually decided that the Caspian Sea Project could do without him.

 

Robert Denner had to admit – if only to himself – that Dani really was a nice girl. For a boy.

 

Kevin learned the wonders of Focus, and wondered what else it might be good for. He could drive the ball like a pro. Putting was a rather different story.

 

And Dani felt good.

 

 

* * *

 


	17. The Prom

_What the FUCK am I doing?! I must be out of my mind... WHY the hell would I even THINK of this?_

 

Dani repeated those questions over and over as she sat in her car. Kevin was already in there, probably wondering where in the hell she was. Or, truthfully, he'd be expecting “him”, rather than “her”. Kev had come early to help out with heavy lifting, so Danny had been left to get ready by himself – and now here she was.

 

In drag.

 

At the Prom.

 

And she kept asking herself: _WHY?!_

 

Was it because of all the people – adult people, at that – that seemed to accept her as she was? She'd never expected that. She'd never expected that coming “out”, again, as a cross-dressing boy would go over so incredibly well. Even Kevin's father seemed to be okay with it, by the end of their golf game. And he'd been the most homophobic person she'd met, so far. Well – other than Kevin himself, and look what had happened to _him_...

 

As far as being gay – _no one_ seemed to mind about that anymore, now that all the other kids were showing such support about the whole thing. If anyone was having a problem with it, they were keeping very quiet. It seemed... too good to be true. She had a nagging feeling that when things seem too good to be true – they probably are.

 

Or was it just Kevin... Is that where all this damn bothersome bravado came from? Was it that Dani's boyfriend had finally gotten through to her that it _wasn't_ about being a boy or a girl? And if Dani liked being a girl – then Dani should just be one, never mind chromosomes and plumbing and glands and the opinions of strangers. Looking back, Dani couldn't believe how far she'd come in terms of being comfortable with who and what she was. From being unable to stand having her penis touched to topping her boyfriend in the space of one school-year. From being in the closet to coming to the Prom in a dress. Her favorite dress. The black one Kevin had bought for her. _With_ the matching bra, panties, garter... everything but the snuggie. Dani didn't really care so much anymore if it showed that she had a penis under the panties – everyone knew it anyway. Besides – Kevin said it was kind of cool to see that bulge there.

 

She giggled to herself. Kevin was weird.

 

Or maybe it was yet another thing that was giving her the courage – just barely – to think about doing this. Maybe it was Making Love.

 

Because that had damn sure been a first. Just the night before last – nothing special about the day or anything – they'd fallen into their usual foreplay intending to end it with hot gay sex as usual... and it hadn't gone that way at all. Something different had happened, without words, without lube, without intention – something that just started growing from the kisses and took over. Yes – they loved each other, they both knew that. Just that it had never been shown... like _that_ before.

 

The actual sex act had consisted of nothing more than Kevin holding both their penises together - Danny's hand atop his - as he squeezed and moved and squeezed and moved... No penetration. Face-to-face and eye-to-eye and dick-to-dick. Body-to-body. _Me to you_.

 

They were both surprised as it was happening – they could see it in each other's eyes - but neither could have stopped if they'd wanted to, and they didn't want to. It was something new, something indescribable, something vulnerable. Something there was no need to mention later. What remained to be said, after that?

 

Even thinking about it now, there were _still_ no words for that experience. Sublime. Okay – but how does one _describe_ that?

 

When there are many possible answers to a single question, the truth often turns out to be a combination of those possibilities, and so it was this question. Why was she doing this?

 

All of the above.

 

 

* * *

 

 

1,228 Seniors. 4 known and openly gay couples. A dozen more openly known homosexuals, split almost evenly between boys and girls. Three girls in suits. One boy in a dress.

 

Six chaperons from the pool of parents - four with video-cameras. Eight from the school staff. One off-duty policeman. One Headmaster.

 

Theme: “The Future is Ours!” Decoration: lots of silver and white. Band: “Helpful Corn” - playing hard, fast, and loud as Dani walked in the door.

 

“D – Danny?” Linda – whose brother had set Dani up with the disastrous blind date – was the first to notice her.

 

“Yeah. With an 'i' now. Hi, Linda...” Dani said, waiting for further reaction.

 

“Oh my god!” the other girl squealed, “You look _so cute_ like that!”

 

“Thanks. Kevin bought it for me... Your dress is pretty too – but do you really think taffeta is the wave of the future?”

 

“Oh hush – everyone's saying that. If I have my way, it will be. Wow! – I can't believe how... _brave_ it is of you to-”

 

“Yeah, Linda, I know. Don't be so impressed – I'm scared to death. So... have you seen Kev? Is he around?”

 

“I think he and some of the guys went to find more ice. He'll be back in a minute,” Linda said, then turned to the pack of girls behind her, “Hey guys! Look! It's Danny!”

 

“Uh... with an 'i'...” Dani said again. She'd be saying that a lot tonight. There was more squealing. Funny thing – girls _love_ a boy in drag.

 

Outside, Kevin was making his way to the back door of the gym with 25 lb bags of ice in each arm – when someone stepped out of the shadows and into his path. “Kevin.”

 

“Uh... Uncle Keith? What are you doing here? Hey – I'll be right back, I gotta-”

 

“You remember, nephew - that you owe me, do you not? For my Native American artifacts?” He was all seriousness. It was more than a little scary.

 

“Yeah... I remember... You said maybe you'd ask me for a favor someday... why do I get the feeling that it's today...”

 

“Kevin – no matter what happens in there tonight, I want you to keep your cool. You understand? I want you to keep that temper of yours under control. I want you to turn the other cheek. You will keep your mouth shut – this is very important. You will not hit anyone. You will do nothing – and thus you will pay me what you owe me. Are we clear about this, nephew? I mean it – you will keep your cool, no matter what.”

 

“Okaaaaay... I'll be cool. Uh... what exactly is going to happen?”

 

Uncle Keith took a leisurely puff on his cigar, “I think the sky is going to fall. For someone. Very well – I'll see you inside later. Good luck.” With that, he walked off, apparently deep in thought.

 

The damned ice was _cold_ in his arms, so Kevin shrugged and went inside.

 

* * *

 

 

“There's two more...” Headmaster Gottlieb said, pointing into the crowd on the dance-floor, where one of the suit-girls was dancing with someone else in a dress.

 

“Where? Oh, yeah. Man...” _that's hot_ , Mr. Morrison said, the aloud part in order to agree with his “boss”. Mr. Morrison was the legal representative for St. Augustine's. Like many men, he enjoyed something of a fetish for lesbians, but that didn't carry over into acceptance of gay men. More importantly, though – and unlike the Headmaster – he didn't feel any threat from them. If they wanted to... be that way, well, hell - more women for him. Even though he _knew_ it didn't quite work that way, it's a general rule that crude opinions require crude reasoning.

 

The lawyer excused himself to go get something to drink. What he really wanted was a better spot for girl-watching. Or girl-girl-watching, as the case may be.

 

Two hours into the Prom, and the Headmaster had marked three gay couples. He hadn't picked out Kevin and Dani – for obvious reasons. Since the music was still fast, hard, and sometimes even angry, he hadn't spotted any of the dreaded gay PDA he was there looking for. But that was about to change.

 

“Awright SAINT AUGUSTINE'S!” the lead singer screamed, to the roar of the crowd, “Now what you're all hot 'n' sweaty – let's mellow out and get CLOSE for a change, eh? Rock on! But – slowly...”

 

The Headmaster kept watch. Even _he_ couldn't bust two boys for just dancing together... but dancing would lead to kissing, it always did when the music slowed down at Proms. He'd been to enough of them to know that. And kissing would lead to grinding, and kissing and grinding would lead to roaming hands...

 

Mr. Morrison casually made his way back to the Headmaster's side. He was willing to tear his eyes off the lesbian couple only because he could feel an erection coming on. Best to quit while you're ahead – especially since he was expecting to have to stand up for a while yet.

 

“You're watching the three couples, Mr. Morrison? I'm going to be pulling them out of here as soon as they try something indecent...”

 

“Uhm... yeah. It's four couples, though. See that brunette girl in the black dress, over by the punch?”

 

“Yes... don't know her. She's dancing with Kevin Denner, though. Which is quite odd – reliable sources tell me that he's a homosexual...”

 

“Right... Well – that girl's a guy. Name of Danny something. I was talking to the Coach - seems she's actually a pretty decent quarter-back...”

 

“ _What_!” exclaimed the Headmaster, “Why... that's... oh, I'm putting an end to _this_ right NOW!” He stormed towards the stairs that led down to the unsuspecting couple.

 

Who, as chance would have it, lip-locked each other in a light – but slow and lingering – kiss while the Headmaster strode toward them.

 

“STOP! STOP that! Stop the music! You two! You two _BOYS_!!”

 

The music stopped, and all eyes turned to Kevin and Dani.

 

_Here it comes..._ , they both thought,  _Showdown._ They'd wondered if something like this would happen – the List and all. But nothing had come of The List, so they'd thought maybe... just maybe it would be okay. As for Dani – her father had informed her that he'd stand behind her whatever – him and his lawyers, if need be. He'd even already talked to a lawyer about it, and given Dani the go-ahead to be as gay as she wanted. On the other hand – he didn't know that Dani was going to show up at the Prom in a dress... even Dani herself hadn't known she was going to do that.

 

“You two follow me!” the Headmaster ordered, glowering at them both, then turning his attention on Dani, said, “And _you_! You should be ashamed!”

 

That comment got to Kevin – his breathing quickened. But – he'd promised. He'd promised Uncle Keith. It would probably be... bad... not to keep a promise to Uncle Keith. He didn't move.

 

Dani, though, hadn't promised anyone anything. Except herself.

 

“Is there a problem, Headmaster?” she asked with sarcastic innocence.

 

“ _YES_ there is a problem, Mr. Rainier!” the Headmaster said, then backed up a bit to look over the crowd behind them. “And you! You two! Come up here!” he said to another couple, then scanned the crowd again, “You girls! And you! Where's your boyfriend – ah, come up here! All of you! Let's get this over with once and for all!”

 

Three other same-sex couples came forward – two pairs of boys and one of girls. They arranged themselves behind Kevin and Dani.

 

“We were _dancing_ together, Headmaster... is that against the rules?” Dani said, baiting him. She'd just become the gay spokeswoman of St. Augustine's Academy – no one would have been more surprised than she was.

 

“It IS against the 'rules', as you call them! It's against _GOD'S_ rules! It's against NATURE'S rules! It's against Decency! I am not going to allow this school to become a... a safe-house for homosexuals!”

 

“God's rules? God has a rule against being gay? Can I quote you on that?” There was some chuckling in the crowd. “If you have God's ear, Headmaster – please ask him why he made me this way, next time the two of you chat. I'd kinna like to know...”

 

“I do not intend to debate you about this, Mr. Rainier. MISTER Rainier... your parents would be so ashamed if they could see you now. And I will make sure they find out about-”

 

“MY parents, Headmaster, love me. MY parents would be proud of me for standing up to an – to someone like you.”

 

“Then YOUR parents are lost, too!” The Headmaster turned around, looking for the cop, “Sgt. Humbert! Arrest these people at once! I'll press charges – public indecency, violation of dress-code... whatever else I can think of later!”

 

The officer stepped forward, but only a single step, “Sorry, sir. It's not actually _illegal_ for boys to dance together. Girls either.” He was smiling as he said it.

 

More chuckling – and louder.

 

The policeman continued, “And as for the dress-code – that may be a rule here, but it's not a law. Just to be straight about things, sir: I'm here as a peace-officer for public safety. I don't answer to you. I suggest you call your congressman – excuse me – congress _person_ about it.”

 

“Very well – I'll throw them out MYSELF! As Headmaster of this school, at a school event, I can-”

 

Now Mr. Morrison, the school's lawyer spoke up - “Uh, actually, Mr. Gottlieb... this is a 'school SPONSORED' event. If you lay a hand on anyone, it _could_ be called 'assault'. See – they made the Prom that way so-”

 

The headmaster was getting even hotter now as everyone seemed to be suddenly turning against him. “You are FIRED Mr. Morrison!”

 

“Oh – not a good idea... I'm a lawyer, remember? And as your lawyer – sort of – I strongly suggest you get yourself some legal counsel before you fire me... That and - I have to say - every word that comes out of your mouth is more damning than the last. It's kind of neat - from a legal standpoint.”

 

Outright laughter now. And – two more couples stepped forward from the crowd to align themselves with the four already standing in front of the Headmaster. And there was mumbling now -

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey, Bob – let's be gay. C'mon, let's sock it to the fuckin' Headmaster!”

 

“Yeah, awright.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Uhm... Lisa?”

 

“Just what I was thinking. Let's go.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Don't look at me that way, Seth... I'm no fag.”

 

“Oh come on – everyone's doing it! Geez. Uhm... hey, Bennie? How 'bout you?”

 

“I kind of hate to tell ya this now, Seth, but - I really _am_ gay...”

 

“Great! So – you'll be my boyfriend?”

 

“Just this once, Seth... you're _way_ too ugly.”

 

“Aww Bennie - I'm gonna cry!”

 

* * *

 

 

And even -

 

“C'mon, Dale. Don't be such a pussy. I'm goin' with Cindy, you take Matt.”

 

“No fuckin' way! Besides – how's that gonna look? I fucking FOUGHT that Kevin guy for bein' a fag!”

 

“Dale! You hold Matt's hand and go up there, or I'll tell everyone what you're wearing under that tux.”

 

“... you wouldn't... You... they're yours anyway!”

 

“Yeah – but _you're_ the one who likes to wear 'em so much...”

 

“Fuck. Matt... here. Fuck.”

 

* * *

 

 

Headmaster Gottlieb could only watch in horror as more and more couples lined themselves up behind Kevin and Dani. It seemed as if the whole _school_ was homo! Had the List been right after all? How was it possible? It was like... a test... A test of his righteousness... It was like...

 

*snap*

 

“SODOM AND GOMORRAH!!! I WILL BE A LIGHT OF GOD'S RIGHTEOUSNESS! I WILL PRESERVE THE WAY – EVEN ALONE ON THE STREETS OF ANCIENT SODOM, AS LOT DID IN HIS TIME!!! I WILL-”

 

“Offer your virgin daughters to the crowd to be gang-raped? Then later get drunk and impregnate them yourself? Lot did that – and God said he was righteous... Are you really _that_ righteous, Headmaster?” Dani asked. She'd been preparing for a Biblical argument ever since she found out she'd be attending a Catholic school. She just could _not_ pass up a chance to use it...

 

It so happened that Headmaster Gottlieb _did_ in fact have a daughter – although she was 23 years old now, and out of college. Probably not a virgin... But of course, he didn't think about that. Instead, he hauled back with his Fist of Righteous Indignation, and punched Dani right in the face. She reeled back, caught by Kevin before she fell.

 

The policeman came running.

 

And Kevin? Promise or no promise – he smacked his fist into the Headmaster's nose hard enough to break two fingers - not to mention the targeted nose - before the cop got there.

 

Go Kevin!

 

* * *

 

 

Epilogue – 16 years later.

 

“Camera one – get in on her face, Camera two – stick with the full shot of her, when she sits down, gimme Mr. Lowe's face as usual. This oughta be good. Woulda been better with Larry King, but he's dead. Too bad, so sad. Sound?”

 

“Go.”

 

“ _Dani – I hear that's what you prefer to be called – let's just jump right into it. What makes you think your husb- I mean, your 'domestic partner' – can win this race?”_

 

“ _You can call him my 'husband'. I prefer that. And shouldn't you be asking HIM that question? I'm not running for anything, y'know...”_

 

“A zing! A zing on Dave in the first five seconds! Camera two – you keep tight on Dave's face! I gotta feeling about this girl...”

 

“ _You must have an opinion about it – no openly gay man has ever run for governor of New Hampshire before – what makes you think he can pull it off? Or DO YOU think he can pull it off?”_

 

“ _I think he can – I'm hoping he will. Obviously I completely support him in this race – but not because I want my husband to be governor, Dave. It's because I want KEVIN to be governor. I'd want that whether he was my 'domestic partner' or not. I'd vote for him either way. Of course – I know him better than you – or your viewers – do.”_

 

“ _How long have you two been together?”_

 

“ _Since high school – I think everyone knows that, Dave. Get on with it.”_

 

“ _Yes – to refresh our viewer's memory – you got quite a bit of coverage for going to your Prom in a dress. The Headmaster tried to kick you out, but you wouldn't go, and eventually he lost control and punched you. I think we have a picture...”_

 

“Bring up the pic, Terry. Be ready for the next one...”

 

“ _Yup – there it is. Hardly a day goes by that someone, somewhere, doesn't show me that picture, Dave. I'd like to point out that my hair only looks like that because of momentum. I hate that.”_

 

“ _Didn't you kind of expect something like that, after showing up in drag?”_

 

“ _You're asking if I expected the supposedly wise and learned Headmaster to punch me in the face? No, Dave – I didn't expect that to happen.”_

 

“Gimme a split-screen, Terry! NOW!”

 

“ _Well then, why DID you show up in a dress?”_

 

“ _Because it's who I am, Dave. Because it's WHAT I am. Why do YOU wear those ridiculous suspenders? AND a belt? Can't make up your mind?”_

 

“Zing three! Television gold!”

 

“ _In the next pic, we see Kevin punching Mr. Gottlieb right back – and pretty hard too. Is this the kind of man we want for governor?”_

 

“ _What should he have done, Dave? Called the police and pressed charges? Hired a lawyer and filed a suit? Mr. Gottlieb hit me, Kevin hit him. He was defending my honor. Yes, I DO think that's the kind of man you want for governor. Someone who gets things done himself, when he sees something wrong happening. What would YOU have done?”_

 

“I love this girl! Terry – go to camera two full-screen. Let's let 'em look at her for awhile. She ain't takin' no shit!”

 

“ _We'll be right back after these commercial announcements, folks, with Dani Rainier, WIFE of New Hampshire gubernatorial challenger Kevin Denner. ... We're off? I bet they're just sucking this up, Dani – everyone seems love it when I get put in my place like that. Okay – next up we'll talk about the Gay Agenda. You're ready for that?”_

 

“ _Bring it on, Dave.”_

 

End

* * *

 


End file.
